Tales of SoCal Insanity

Un-Corked

2012-01-24T14:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I finally completed my wine cork breakfast tray. 124 corks and plenty of tasty selections later here it is:

My collection is now totally wiped out. So I suppose I better get started re-building it. It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it.

Breathless

2012-01-22T22:35:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have those moments when your kids take your breath away? A moment where you actually leave your body and view your life as an outsider? I had one of those moments recently and this is what caused it:

I got the idea from somewhere, not really sure where, (most likely Pinterest) to take a picture of Dylan in my wedding dress. Then on her wedding day (hopefully 30 years from now) I would display the picture.

I've never seen blue eyes sparkle more than the moment I asked her if she wanted to wear my wedding dress. She was in heaven and I'm pretty sure began planning her own wedding in that moment.

Looking at her in my dress made me realize I NEVER want her to grow up. I want her to be my baby forever. I want to protect her from all the hurt and ugliness and heartache of this world. It breaks my heart to think that one day a boy is going to break her heart, make her cry and make her question who she is.

It's my job as her mom to let her know she is the most beautiful girl who has ever walked this Earth and there is no one in the world who will ever love her as much as I do.

What I Learned in 2011

2011-12-31T10:45:00.000-08:00

On this New Year's Eve I find myself reflecting on all the wonderful things I have learned this fine year.

1. I will never be part of the "Cool Mom Club" at the school and I'm actually okay with that. I'm proud of the fact that I like to bargain shop, that I drop the kids off at school and pick them up without putting makeup on (oh the horror). I talk about how my kids aren't perfect and how I'm not the perfect mom (double horror).

2. Turns out I am one crafty bitch and a damn fine cook. I've taught myself how to crochet, taken on a few home improvement projects/crafts and been baking and cooking up a storm. Sure my scarfs turn out a little lopsided and the hat I crocheted for Dylan ended up being way too big, but I did it. On the day I made my tree coat rack, I also baked banana bread and made meatloaf for dinner. Suck on that Martha Stewart.

3. After about 3 years of complete denial, I've accepted the fact I will never look like my children. I'm just not destined to be a blonde. I will happily remain a brunette from now on...dark ash brown to be exact. I've had to hear, "Oh they look nothing like you" for the last 5 plus years, guess I better get used to it.

4. Through the magical powers of You Tube I have taught myself how to do a lot of things (like dye my own hair, crochet a hat and a few other things). In fact I'm going to write my memoirs and I'm going to title them "Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned on You Tube." If I ever need to perform open heart surgery on an alligator you bet your ass I'm going to You Tube that first.

5. Being healthy and exercising isn't really all that bad. To be perfectly honest, this theory is only about a week in the making. I figured I'd start my resolution early this year. Amazingly enough I haven't died yet after running so that equals a win in my book.

6. I am completely and totally 100% obsessed with zombies.

7. Being an Aunt is so wonderful! I love my little nephew so much and I can't wait for the rest of my family to give me more babies! This woman has closed up her baby making shop for good.

8. The biggest shock for me was that I'm actually okay with not having any more kids. I mean come on, having another kid would probably push me completely into the pits of insanity. Although if Alexander Skarsgard ever offered, I'd open the shop right back up.

9. I used to vow up and down that, "I Will never get a Kindle. What's the point? You can't hold the book, keep it on your bookshelf, it's just not the same." Well I got a Kindle for my birthday this year (thanks Mom) and it changed my life. I admit here and now that I was WRONG! I love my Kindle and I can't imagine my life without it. I'm pretty sure Bryan is glad the book hording has ebbed, at least for the time being.

10. I have an identity other than Mrs. Jenni. I spent so much of my life as a teacher, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stay home. That I wouldn't know what to do, I'd be bored or I'd scar my kids for life. Turns out, it's the best job I've ever had.

Happy New Year everyone. Bring on 2012 and the zombie apocalypse!

Diarrhea of the Brain

2011-12-19T20:54:00.000-08:00

It's been a little bit since I last posted, so please bear with me while I purge the contents of my brain.

~15 days ago I found my first gray hair. I'll be damned if I was going to let that bastard continue to take up residence on my lovely head, so I plucked it. Then, I went and hunted down my children, waved the hair in their face and told them they were turning me into an old lady. I do feel that there is something cosmically wrong if I'm getting gray hair and yet, I still get acne. One or the other universe, one or the other.

~The same night as the gray hair disaster we decorated our Christmas Tree. We had a great time. We listened to music, the kids had hot chocolate and I of course had wine. Then, we decided to let the dogs in. Dexter, for whatever reason, decided to run under the tree and wreak havoc. We all stood in horror as the whole thing crashed to the ground. Broken ornaments were everywhere and two kids were screaming and crying, "This is the worst Christmas ever!" They even put Dexter on the naughty list.

~Two days before we were set to take pictures for our Christmas card Dylan got kicked in the eye at school. For whatever reason she was standing in front of the swings, not paying attention and BAM! A shiner that lasted a week. Luckily I had a brain storm while in the shower (where all the best ideas are hatched) and came up with an amazing card idea.

~I can't wait for Christmas to be over. I'm so sick of all of the idiots that are out and about. They drive like morons, are totally oblivious to everyone else in stores and they are total assholes to the retail clerks for no reason. If I see one more cart parked drunkenly in the middle of an aisle, while some jackass is looking at the shelf, I'm going to take a running start and slam right into their cart then just keep on walking.

~Justin had his Christmas Program the other night, he was not a fan. He sure looked adorable though.

~In closing, I have to actually give myself a compliment for once. I know, it's very rare and I don't expect it to happen again for awhile. I have found that I am actually very crafty. I saw a towel rack on Pinterest and decided I was going to create a key/coat rack by my front door. It took a lot longer than I thought it would.

The morning after I drew and then traced the tree the neighbor boy, who always comes to bum a ride, insulted my tree, "It looks crooked." Little jerk. Next came the taping followed by painting of said tree.

The finished product!

I've also been baking and cooking up a storm. I think my body has been taken over by Pod People.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Christmas. Cheers!

2011-11-18T12:43:00.001-08:00

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A SoCal Bucket List

2011-11-16T14:34:00.000-08:00

Before I exit this world into the abyss of the unknown great beyond, there are a few things that I'd like to see/do/achieve.

Obviously I want to live to a ripe old age. I want to see my kids graduate college, get married and have kids of their own. I figure these milestones are a given and therefore aren't included on this bucket-o-mine. So, without further ado, here are the things I'd like to accomplish before I make my own Jet Blue exit out of this world.

~Be in a flash mob.
~Read an entire novel in one day.
~Go on a hot air balloon ride.
~Write a novel.
~Sing Karaoke in a dive bar.
~Ride a bull. Not a real one, one of those mechanical contraptions will be sufficient.
~Make my own wine.
~Go on a cruise.
~Get a tattoo.
~Learn how to crochet and actually be good at it.
~Run in a 5K and finish without dying.
~Learn a foreign language (French or Italian).
~Travel to either France or Italy and totally butcher their language as I try to put what I've learned to good use.
~See the Grand Canyon.
~Take a road trip with the family in a RV. This is one I'll probably end up saving until last. Otherwise we all might kill each other and then I won't be able to cross the rest of the crap off my list.
~Swim in the middle of the ocean.
~See a volcano.
~Learn how to fix a leaky faucet.
~Meet somebody famous. I stood next to Bob Barker on the Price is Right stage, but I need more than that.
~Meet some amazing friends of mine who I've never "officially" met before.

Let's Get Ready to 5K!

2011-11-07T20:43:00.000-08:00

I'm going to start this off by saying I absolutely despise exercise. Any shape/way/form of exercise, I loathe it. I used to love yoga until that was ruined for me by a pair of extremely loose fitting shorts. Zumba turned out to be a once a week, ass kicking embarrassment.

Don't even get me started on the embarrassment that is going to the gym. I'm afraid one of these days I'm going to have an aneurysm trying to figure out how to work all of those damn buttons on those damn machines. However, I'm a lean mean biking machine, at least I am on the bikes at the gym. I tried going for a bike ride through my neighborhood and I thought I was going to have to call Bryan to come and pick me up. I would of called him if I'd of had my phone on me. Instead I had to hop off my bike and schlep it home.

I have found some motivation for my lack of exercise love. A few months ago I made a bucket list (which I will unveil in a few days) and on that list I said I wanted to run in a marathon.

The other week I stumbled upon an add for a 5K called Run for your Lives. They describe it as, "A Zombie infested 5K obstacle course race." At first I got a good chuckle out of the idea, but the more I thought about it I started seriously considering running in the race. A couple days after first looking at the site, I decided I was in! Really what better motivation to help you run a race than having a zombie hot on your heels. Plus it's going to be great training for the future zombie apocalypse.

The race is a year away, which is good because I'm going to need every minute of the next 11 months to get into zombie running, ass kicking shape.

Yesterday we went to a birthday party in ~~kiddie hell 2~~, I mean Pump it Up. I used this opportunity to begin my training. After all, running through an inflatable obstacle course, trying avoid a sea of children, is pretty much exactly like trying to avoid being eaten alive by zombies. Despite the fact I kicked a ten year old in the chest while trying to slide under the inflatable wall, day one was a giant success.

On a side note, when the zombie apocalypse does happen and if I do fail and get turned, I might be okay. Especially if I look like this as a zombie:

I make one damn fine looking zombie, if I do say so myself.

Big Fat Liar

2011-11-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

That's me alright. The other day I was waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store and I noticed the lady in front of me was working up a sweat while getting her groceries onto the counter. She had a toddler in the cart and a baby in the carrier at her chest. I was totally fixated on her, couldn't take my eyes away. I started at her, all the while secretly enjoying the fact that since my kids are now in school I can shop without them.

It is so glorious to walk through the aisles of my supermarket without having to yell at somebody to stop touching things, to stop whining and "No! For the millionth time you can't have that! You don't get anything!"

She caught me looking at her and I felt bad, for a split second. Then I started grinning like an idiot again while thinking of my blissful childless shopping. She looked back at me once again with a look of total defeat on her face, so I decided to snap out of my fantasy and talk to her.

Me: "How far apart are they?"
Other Mom: "A little over two years. Do you have any kids?"
Me: "Oh yeah. Mine are 23 months apart."
OM: "Please tell me it gets easier."

She looked completely lost, exhausted and ready to throw in the towel. She had the smallest little glimmer of hope in her eye, I couldn't extinguish it. So I bit my tongue and tried to hide the sarcasm in my voice, "Oh yeah, it sure does get so much better."

The cashier, clearly a motherhood combat vet as well, looked at me like I was nuts (which of course I am). She knew I was lying to this poor woman. I looked back at the cashier and shrugged my shoulders. Come on lady! Was I really supposed to tell her all the thoughts that were fighting to escape my mouth:

- Yeah it gets easier as they get older. That is until they join forces, form the ultimate kid alliance and start voting you out of the family (just ask Bryan how many times he has been voted out of the family).

- You'll never again get a moment to yourself in the bathroom. You aren't even going to be able to pee without somebody screaming outside of the door wanting to know what you're doing in there.

- You're going to develop a serious wine habit, or as I like to call it a new found appreciation for wine. You'll become well known in the wine aisle next to your good friend "Two-Buck Chuck."

- You may as well quit cleaning now. No matter how much you clean, your house is always going to look like a fucking category 4 hurricane went through it.

- For some unknown scientific reason, the second you reverse out of your driveway something is triggered in your kids. This phenomenon causes them to start yelling and fighting with each other. The main argument is going to go something like this: "Stop looking at me, stop looking out my side! MOMMY he/she touched me!"

- The fights that start out in the car will spill out to your final destination; Target, IKEA or the library. These are just some of my kids favorite places to embarrass the hell out of me.

If any of those thoughts would of escaped my mouth, she would of run from the store screaming like a maniac, never looking back. Instead she smiled at me as she walked away, a little more hopeful. I smiled back and muttered "good luck" under my breath.

Happy Monday

2011-10-24T16:44:00.000-07:00

6:00am this morning I hear blood curdling screams coming from outside. After watching The Walking Dead last night, that is not exactly a good wake up call. I jumped up thinking the zombie apocalypse was upon us. I go over to the window, take a look outside, fingers crossed I don't see zombies stumbling up and down the street. Instead of zombies I see lights blazing like the 4th of July in the house across the street. The screams were coming from their precious children as the chased each other around the house trying to beat each other to a pulp (I'm just guessing). I then hear more screams, this time from the mother "you two knock that shit off!" Way to go lady, next time your devil children are going to raise hell before the sun comes up you might want to make sure your windows are closed first. Mental note, no play dates with that family.

Although, I have to thank them for the early morning shenanigans, this now means my family is not the most obnoxious one on the block, for that I thank them.

While the human folk in our house may have been spared the "Most Obnoxious Award," my dog clearly has won that title hands down. Yesterday afternoon Dexter was barking once again, and I stuck my head out the door to get him to shut up. Justin came running up to me and said, "those kids who went by on their bikes just said 'stop barking Dexter!' It was so funny mommy, how do they know Dexter's name?"

Well Justin that is because Dexter doesn't have a brain in his head and I probably yell at him close to 5 billion times a day to stop barking. I don't know, just a thought.

From Football Insults to Rogue Tampons.

2011-10-13T11:37:00.000-07:00

I completely thought that not working I'd be more on top of my blog. Turns out I like procrastinating blogging as well, who knew? I have at least 5 posts backlogged in my brain, ready for writing, but that's where they seem content to stay. Collecting dust in my brain (with so many other great ideas of mine). Here are some of ~~my favorite~~ the most memorable moments from this week:

*While watching Monday Night Football I started yelling obscenities at Jay Cutler (a common occurrence anytime football is on). Justin then decided he was going to join in, "Yeah! Go home and color a picture for your mommy!" He came back up to me a minute or two later and said he had a better one, "Go ribbon dance for your mother!" At that point Dylan decided she was going to throw her insults out on the table as well, "Go home and put your pantyhose and makeup on like your mother!" They are now invited to every football party/game/event for the rest of eternity.

*That same night, not long after the football insult party, the kids scurried off to the backyard to bother the neighbors for awhile. Soon after I found myself sticking my head out of the back door yelling and the dogs and my kids to stop barking! "But mom, we're dogs like Dexter and Chloe!" Really?!

*A/C broke two weekends ago. Hubby said not to worry because at least it was October and we wouldn't need it anymore. Yeah, okay. Tell that to the lovely SoCal hot ass October weather. 100+ degrees yesterday and today. Hello Mother Nature, I'd like to introduce you to my friend Fall. These temperatures are not acceptable for October! Thank you!

*Topping off the excitement for the week happened this morning. After checking out at the grocery store today, I reached into my purse to grab my sunglasses. Somehow a tampon had twisted itself around and wedged itself in my sunglasses. The best part was I stared at the damned thing for about 30 seconds first before I could figure out what the hell was stuck in my sunglasses. The cashier looked at me with disgust. You would think I had a head full of tampons.

Cheers to the excitement of the week. Son of a bitch, it's too damn hot to drink wine. Guess I'll have to stick to water...for now ;)

Week One

2011-10-04T13:38:00.000-07:00

Last week was my first week in my new job, stay at home mom! A phrase that strikes fear into my heart. I'm going to be around them all day long! Well, except for those four glorious hours while Justin is at school, I'm with them all day after that.

The reason the phrase SHAM paralyzes me with fear is because I feel I'm not cut our for it, I can't live up to the title. Here are examples from the last week that support my hypothesis:

* Day one: Justin tumbles down the stairs outside (from three stairs up) scratching up his face, side, elbow and knee.

* Day two: I make myself the black sheep of the SHAM kindergarten mom club by calling out another kid. He was spinning around like a total moron and slammed into Justin. Justin apologized to him and I piped in, "Don't you dare apologize, you did nothing wrong. You're following the rules." Insert evil SHAM glares here.

*Day three: My son dropping his first F-bomb and me trying to hold a straight face while I scold him and tell him that is the ultimate of all "grown-up words" and he's never allowed to say it again.

*Day four: Barely holding my composure when my favorite wine glass is shattered.

*Day five: Cursing the neighborhood kid who showed up at my door at 8:30 am requesting a ride because his mom is too liquored up on Vodka. Then having to pick up said kid from school while both parents are clearly home probably too busy with an afternoon freak session to pick up their own kid from school. Sure I don't mind, I'll just get the word TAXI tattooed on my damned forehead!

I guess looking back on it, it wasn't too bad of a week. It could be worse, I could be working. And hey, nobody died...at least not yet!

They Just Keep Growing and Growing.

2011-08-10T19:24:00.001-07:00

Today was a pretty tough and emotional day for me. Today is Justin's 5th birthday, which of course I'm already an emotional mess about because he's growing up way too fast. The real kicker for today is that it was also his first day of Kindergarten. That was just the icing on the emotional cake for me.

I was nervous all night and woke to my stomach doing major back flips this morning. Dylan and I woke him up this morning by barging into his room and singing an extremely off key Happy Birthday. Cue the water works.

Getting him ready for school, watching him put his backpack on, walking out the front door, I nearly burst into tears at every moment.

If he was nervous he didn't show it at all. He was amazingly hyper. I thought he was going to bounce out of his shoes and I had to ask him at least eight hundred times to please be normal.

Poor Dylan, she's never going to have a normal brother.

She's taking it well though.

We drop Dylan off at her class first and then it's off to Kindergarten we go.

When we get inside his class that's when I get really nervous. He's hanging on my legs and hiding behind me not talking to his teacher. To my relief he joins his classmates on the carpet when it's time.

A little Birthday celebration Kindergarten style.

Then it's assignment time.

Oh how I love this kid!

Turns out we all survived the first day of Kindergarten. We'll just have to wait and see if we survive the rest.

Excessive?

2011-07-18T21:41:00.001-07:00

Clue number 326 that I've been watching too much Criminal Minds lately:

I found this while planting in our garden and I immediately thought it was a human rib bone. Bryan grabbed it from me, turned it over in his hands and told me it had numbers on it. Turns out it was a cable. Oops!

So Neglectful!

2011-07-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

Dammit! I can't believe I've been neglecting my blog. I jot down all sorts of ideas in a little notebook, but I never actually put those ideas to blog. So here's 5 quick updates for inquiring minds.

1) I effing hate summer. I'm over it already. Yeah so what if it's only July, I'm done!
2) I taught myself to crochet basically through watching You Tube videos. I still pretty much suck at it but I really enjoy trying. Dylan's barbies have a crap load of crocheted blankets, next project is a scarf.
3) I have a new obsession with Criminal Minds and I'm incredibly pissed off that it took me this long to discover my love for this show (and Thomas Gibson). So I'm trying to catch up on seasons when I can.
4) Without wine I don't think I'd survive ~~much~~ at all.
5) I have yet to fulfill my New Year's Resolution of telling somebody to fuck off. So if you have any volunteers/suggestions, I'll begin taking those now!

The End is Near...

2011-05-19T20:38:00.000-07:00

...if you believe this gigantic bag-o-douche, then this Saturday we will all either meet our maker or rot in the bowels of hell for all eternity.

I have to admit I can be a bit like chicken little when it comes to these end of the world shenanigans. Not so much that I'm concerned with "the rapture" but facing my own mortality. I have trouble accepting the fact that one day I'll be dead...rotting in hell for the rest of eternity, I think I can cope with that. The last few weeks I've been making jokes about Judgment Day 2011, even thought of planning an end of the world party and joined quirky groups on Facebook. I have to admit though that come Saturday I'm going to be drinking heavily and gnawing my fingernails down to nubs.

I have parent teacher conferences starting on Monday, I brought all the work home to complete over the weekend. Do I really want to spend my last few days on Earth doing work? If I don't complete my work I'll look like a pretty giant idiot showing up for work saying I didn't get it done because the world was supposed to end on Saturday.

Well that ends this particular rant. I better go stock up on canned goods and zombie warding off gear. See you in hell.

Adventures in Childhood

2011-05-06T20:25:00.001-07:00

"Don't fuck with the babysitter."

Or her crazy little Thor wanna be brother.

Dylan has been wearing this thing on her head all night and it totally reminds me of Adventures in Babysitting.

Gone for a Hike

2011-04-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we decided to take the kids out for a hike. Get them out of the house and busy in the fresh air. I didn't know what to expect, every time we go anywhere it turns into a Griswold type of adventure.

It took a good 30 minutes to get everybody dressed ~~properly~~. I stopped fighting with Justin when he came out of his room in his "Chucks" and snow hat.

Eventually everybody makes it to the car. Ready or not, here we come.

Bryan: "I packed a knife in the backpack."
Me: "Why?"
Bryan: "In case I get my arm caught in a boulder and I have to cut it off."
Me: "I guess you never can be too prepared can you now James Franco?"

After that gem of a conversation I was wondering if we were going to make it at all. Thankfully we did make it.

After a brief stop at the most disgusting bathrooms EVER, we were off.

It was a perfect day for hiking. Thankfully it wasn't 90+ degrees like it had been the day before.

Me: "Justin you are one of a kind."
Justin: "Yep, I sure am one of a kind!"

I spy with my little eye...

"I'm ready to take a normal picture now mommy."

Justin's homage to all those who rocked!

A beautiful day with those that I love. I am a very lucky lady!

A Low Point

2011-03-27T21:15:00.001-07:00

Tonight I feel as if I've sunk to a new low. I feel I have always been very real and honest to people about how I feel about motherhood.

While I love my kids more than anything there are days, today being one of them, that I wonder what I got myself into. I can't stand people who act like being a parent and having kids is the most wonderful precious thing ever. What pisses me off even more is when they act as if parenthood is all rainbows, unicorns and rays of beautiful sunshine everyday. I'm here to tell you all it's not! Parenting at times is completely hellish!

Does that make me evil, ehh I really don't give a flying fuck right now. We have been having serious issues with Justin lately. He has so much anger and rage lately it's really starting to scare me.

It started a few weeks ago with him just screaming, yelling and stopping his feet when he'd get mad. Then it progressed to tantrums, bad ones. Now it's progressed to him actually acting on his anger. Last week he put a hole in one of our closet doors with a play hockey stick. He said it happened because one of Dylan's friends (who was at the house at the time) was being mean to him and kept annoying him. So he got mad and wanted to hit something.

He's also been talking to me in this tone that I'm just not okay with. Demanding things of me and then screaming and yelling at me if I don't do it. He's even started doing it with Dylan too.

Now I know you're sitting there thinking to yourself how bad can this be coming from a 4 year old. Well let me tell you, it's bad. I'm seeing an extremely controlling alpha male in the making here if we can't help him get this under control.

All weekend it was him screaming and yelling at Dylan and me. Now I don't want you to think I just sate idly by while he went exorcist on me. Oh no, mommy don't play that!

What's worrying me is that whatever punishment we doled out to him, didn't phase him in the least. So tonight as I put him to bed, in the midst of yet another tantrum, I had to go scared straight on him. I pulled the military school card on him.

I told him if he couldn't get himself and his anger under control then I was going to send him away to school. I can hear the groans going up across the bloggersphere as I type this.

I went through all the horrors of military school for a kid. No mommy, no daddy, no tv and you know the list goes on and on. Call me a bad mom for playing on my child's fear of abandonment, at this point I don't give a shit. I'm a mom at the end of my rope and I'm afraid if I can't help him now I'm only going to fail him.

T-Minus 5 Months

2011-03-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

Today I registered my baby boy for kindergarten. I was WAY more emotional than I thought I would be. My friend Brenda told me I was going to cry, "I know you Jenni, you're going to cry." Damn her, she was pretty close to being right. I did have to fight back a few tears, but I maintained my composure pretty well (I think).

It's so hard for me to cope with the fact that my kids are growing up. It still seems to me like only a few months ago I held them for the first time. Just weeks ago I watched their first time rolling over, scooting, crawling, first steps and heard their first words. Just yesterday I was wiping away their tears. Oh wait, that probably was yesterday. I'm sure one, if not both of them, threw some sort of tantrum yesterday.

I stood in the Elementary School's office today just bewildered, wondering how time had slipped by so quickly. There is NO WAY, my baby is old enough to be going to kindergarten in five months! In fact on August 10, 2011, Justin's 5th birthday, he will be starting kindergarten. 5 years to the day after this:

He will officially be a "big boy." Excuse me while I wipe my tears and go steal a kiss from my sleeping babes.

Proud Mama

2011-03-16T19:30:00.000-07:00

I opened my email today and noticed I had received one from Dylan's first grade teacher. This is what it said:

I just wanted to let you know that I've chosen Dylan to be my Student of the week for this week. I know she was already honored as Student of the Month earlier in the year, but she continues to do such a great job and she really deserves to be recognized again. It's supposed to be a surprise, so please don't tell Dylan, but I wanted to let you know in advance in case someone from your family was able to come to our flag assembly this Friday morning and wanted to bring a camera. Congratulations on raising such a remarkable little girl!

Mrs. S

My eyes welled up with tears. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of my little girl. Of course I think she's amazing, but to hear somebody else (who doesn't have to say those things) have such praise for her melts my heart.

My heart grew three sizes today. I'm so proud of this girl:

Simple Saturday

2011-03-05T19:15:00.001-08:00

A simply beautiful, wonderful and blissful Saturday with the two loves of my life.

We started off our day with a trek to the park. We first conquered our fear of heights:

One decided his fear was too great to conquer on this day.

Excavation time.

Time for more climbing. This time on a smaller scale.

Can't spell park without s-w-i-n-g!

Talk to me baby.

After a lunch break and some errand running, it was time to visit our favorite Temecula hot spot...the good old duck pond.

These are my favorite ducks there. They make a whistling type sound rather than quack.

Duck versus turtle. Who will be king of the rock?

Our ducks wear wigs.

After we had our fill of ducks (in other words we ran out of stale hot dog buns), we were off for some frozen yogurt.

It was a reward for Dylan doing so great on her report card. She definitely did not get her academic mind from me, I hated school growing up.

She's going to cause so much trouble with those blue eyes of hers.

This yogurt gets two thumbs up!

Tomorrow I'm off to a baby shower for my sister in law. While folding up the tiny baby clothes I found myself smiling and remembering the days when my two monsters were that small.

I also got excited when I signed Auntie Jenni to the gift. I'm so excited that I finally am going to be an Aunt!

How this very tired mom is going to wrap up her Saturday night. The Iron Man helmet can wait until tomorrow.

A Little Help Here!

2011-02-28T21:22:00.001-08:00

Would somebody out there be kind enough to clear a few things up for me?

Why is it that I can gain control of twelve 4 - 5 year olds every single day without even breaking a sweat? Yet, when it comes to my own kids, they have me ready to rip my hair out by its roots within five minutes of being home from work?

Why is it that parents come to me for advice about their child's behavior and yet at my house it's like a major coup is in the works.

Why is it my children are perfect, absolute angels at school (I almost screwed up and put in public there, but we all know that's not even close to accurate) and act like demons at home?

Why do I lose my patience so goddamned quickly, yell at them and then feel terrible for having to be the enforcer?

Why, why, why?

Love and Other Drugs.

2011-02-15T14:43:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway aren't staring in drug section of this particular blog.

After the last 5 days I'm seriously considering buying stock in children's ibuprofen and playing the numbers 101, 102, 103 & 104 in the lottery. I don't know what disgusting flu bug my kids contracted, but they got it bad. The annoying thing was they didn't have any other symptom other than a really high fever. Now both of their fevers have broke, however they have developed a lovely phlegm filled cough.

It was the calmest weekend in this household in the last 100 years. You know your kids are sick when they are too sick to torment you for 4 days straight. Looks like we are finally in the clear. Which is good because I think the people at CVS were starting to think I was up to something suspicious will all my kiddy meds.

Valentine's Day with the hubby was great. No scratch that, it was FANTASTIC! We had such a great time. We went to Old Town Temecula and went wine tasting. It was very low key and just my style. I love wine tasting, but the one thing I can't stand is all all the pretentious douche bags who cram into tasting rooms and act like they have any idea what they are talking about.

First stop was Lorimar Winery. Delicious and wonderful pretty much sum everything up here. In fact we are going to go back and become members so we can take friends there for tastings.

Next we strolled to Stellar Cellar Wine Bar. No tasting here, but we did each get a glass of wine and enjoy it outside.

Also I thought they had the most awesome bar!

We decided on one more stop on our Old Town wine tour and that was when we went to my favorite place of the night, Palomar Inn Hotel. Inside was a tasting room for Curry Vineyards. While there our bar tender/wine tasting connoisseur was a blast to hang out with. It was just Bryan, me and this guy (whose name completely escapes me at this point...I blame the wine). We sat in that tasting room and chatted with him for an hour.

Then it was time for my favorite meal...sushi! We stumbled back to our car and headed for some sushi and sake (sake for me)! This was the aftermath of our evening:

When we got home from sushi however we arrived to a very sick child. Justin's temperature had spiked to 103.7, that was pretty sobering. Despite having to walk around in a Hazmat suit for the remainder of the week, I'd say it was a great Valentine's Day.

The Reasons...

2011-02-08T19:24:00.000-08:00

Reason number 5 why I should win the mother of the year award:

I not only made dinner for my family last night, but I also served dinner to furry animal guests as well. Joining us for a delicious dinner were; Buttercup the Ladybug, Princess Baby, Spike the Dog, Brownie the Dog and Robot Dog. Each had their own dinner plate to suit their particular size, along with a beverage of their choice. I even picked the tomatoes out of Robot Dog's pasta because according to Justin, "He's allergic." Princess Baby tried to steal some of Mama's wine but that just wasn't happening.

I got up at least 50 times during dinner to keep the dinner "guests" happy. Then of course when our dinner party was over I had to do five times the dishes. Freaking ungrateful dinner guests. Not even one of them offered to help with the dishes...jerks.

Along with the good of course comes the bad. Here is reason number 567 why I won't be receiving the mother of the year award:

My children can recognize Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back in about two notes. They go crazy, start jumping around yelling how much they like big butts and fall on the floor in fits of laughter. Yep, that's right. Nothing but class over here.

The Demon Spawn Strike Again.

2011-01-31T17:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Shit, now I'm that mom!" Well, I have way too many times to count. Tonight I won't be surprised if I end up staring at myself on the 5 o'clock news, with a look of murderous intent in my eyes. What happened you ask? Oh, come and sit a spell won't you? You're going to freaking love it.

I decided after I picked Dylan up from school today that I would take the kids to the library. A terrible idea from inception, but it was something I had to risk. The whole time in library was a goddamn nightmare. My kids couldn't use an indoor voice if their lives depended on it. All I wanted was one book, one stupid freaking book! They couldn't even let me have five minutes to enjoy my personal nerd heaven. They were rolling around on the floor, jumping up and down like damn rabbits, giggling like freaking psychopaths and racing down the aisles (I was tempted to clothesline one of them but though that might be a bit excessive).

On top of this moronic behavior, my library sucks. This is the millionth time I've been there and can't find even one book by an author that I like. Of course today's visit wasn't any different. I went with the titles of five books that I really wanted, figuring at least one of them would be there. Oh what a fool I am. Why would a thing called a Library actually be filled with books that I'm interested in?

The icing on the cake for today however, was when I went to do self check-out I noticed I had a fine. So now I had to go stand in line, try and corral these two circus clowns, and argue over a dumb ass library fine. They had progressively gotten louder and louder and louder during this time. Every time I tried to talk to them about their behavior they would just erupt in more fits of laughter. I tried standing between them, wouldn't work. It's like they know being in public is their safety zone to act like crazies and they can get away with it.

So, I'm trying to argue with this girl about my $1.65 library fine (I turned those stupid ass books in on time, it's not my fault some dumb shit forgot to check the outside return area before he went home to play World of Warcraft). At this point I can feel the eyeballs of the judgmental person waiting behind me, boring into the back of my skull. I can almost hear her thoughts:

"God, can't this woman control her kids? This is a library for heaven's sake! If she doesn't know how to deal with kids she should never of had them."

Justin will not stay away from Dylan and Dylan keeps trying to get him to run over to her. I can't get these kids under control for anything. In a moment of sheer desperation I corner him against the counter with my leg, bend down and angrily whisper in his ear, "I swear to god Justin if you don't stop it you are going to get the biggest spanking of your life when we get home."

In response, he picks his head up and says in a sing-song voice, "What's the biggest spanking of my life?"

I think it was at that point I said, "I'll just pay the stupid fine," and tried to keep from screaming like a maniac at the top of my lungs. Justin managed to wiggle free, but I pinned him again and he continued to laugh. Little nerdette took forever to scan my books, because I know she (like my kids) was enjoying watching my sanity unravel right before her very eyes. I angrily snatched my books off the counter and stormed out of the library with my kids hot on my heels in hysterical fits of laughter.

Dylan & Justin: 8,000
Public Library: 1
Mommy: 0

Amazed

2011-01-26T23:10:00.001-08:00

I am really quick to bitch and moan about shitty things going on in my life. I don't usually take time to share things that happen that make my heart swell with pride. I've decided I'm going to start doing the latter more often. Even though my kids do about a billion things daily that drive me insane, they also do things that amaze me (not nearly as often however).

Last week Dylan shared the most heart wrenching thing with me at dinner.

Dylan: "Mommy, did you know that K's mommy got really sick and that was how she died?"
Me: "Did she die when she was a baby?"
D: "No mommy, she died when K is as old as she is now, 6. Well we had to make wishes today at school, you know cause we have been learning about Martin Luther King. Well, you know what my wish was mommy?
Me: "No Dylan, what was your wish?"
D: "I wished that K's mommy was still alive."

Completely blown away. The amount of compassion she showed was beyond her years.

Then of course five minutes later she began screaming and chasing her brother around the house like a lunatic.

Life is Good. So Damn Good!

2011-01-22T08:38:00.000-08:00

I just recently started up my blog again (yeah me) after a year plus long hiatus. So I was thrilled when I read my friend Alicia's blog and saw that she bestowed a lovely blogging award my way (insert overly dramatic stage bow here).

I must now complete three tasks:

1. Thank you so much Alicia! WOOT, WOOT!
2. Answer some questions about moi (and boy do I love to talk about myself).
3. Pass it on (I'll do what I can).

Away we go:

Q1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this? If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously so that you could be anonymous now?
There are times that I wish I was anonymous. You know the times when I would just love to go on a long rant about certain dumb ass people in my life, but I'm happy to be blogging out in the open.

Q2. Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side.
Pretty much my day-to-day life is an example of how stubborn I am. I can't come up with one specific example and I refuse to.

Q3. What do you really see when you look at yourself in the mirror?
Giant dark circles that no amount of makeup can conceal.

Q4. What is your favorite summer cold drink?
Do you even have to ask? White wine of course! Although recently I have expanded my palate and have discovered I actually enjoy beer. So I think I'll be dabbling in beer a little more often.

Q5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do?
Time for myself, what the hell is that?

Q6. Is there something you still want to accomplish in your life?
I would like to survive this life with my sanity still intact. If that happens then I think that will be a damn good accomplishment.

Q7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person, or always ditching?
Oh, I was the shy nerd for sure.

Q8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see?
I would have to say when my mother-in-law passed away. I still miss her so much and think about her often. I get really pissed off when I think of all the things she's missed out on. Watching Dylan and Justin and all her other future grandchildren grow up. Michael & Julie's wedding (and now they are going to be parents). Amanda working her butt off and putting herself through college and growing into such a beautiful woman. Chris moving across country and not being afraid to try life on his own. For a 21 year old "kid" he's also the most loving uncle (I totally mean that in a non-creppy way Chris). Bryan being an amazing husband and the best father I could of ever asked for. I know she would be so proud to see what amazing people her kids turned out to be.

Q9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people or events?
I enjoy sharing about myself, it's very therapeutic.

Q10. If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?
Reading hands down. I hate talking on the phone. If it wasn't for text messaging I probably would never talk to anybody.

Passing the torch:

Cathy at Two Monkeys

Everybody else I stalk was already tagged. Guess that's what happens when you're late to the party.

When I Pass

2011-01-17T20:52:00.000-08:00

It's no secret to those who know me that I have a crippling fear of death. It's been so bad at times that I have actually had panic attacks about dying. Well, I think I have come up with something that will ease a little of my stress about my impending doom...well at least somewhat.

I have decided that when my time comes, I want to be cremated and I want my ashes to be sprinkled around the Two-Buck Chuck at my neighborhood Trader Joe's. If cremation isn't an option I'll settle with being buried underneath the floor, underneath the Two-Buck Chuck.

If my last wishes are not fulfilled I will come back and haunt each one of your asses...I'm not freaking kidding.

New Year, New Blog

2011-01-10T19:50:00.001-08:00

So I seem to of taken a really, really long hiatus from my blog. Maybe that's because twenty-ten sucked such severe ass that I just want to forget it entirely.
For whatever reason I retreated deep within myself last year.
Writing has always meant so much to me. It's an escape, a great way to vent my frustrations and overall it's just a great distraction from the monotony of everyday life. So, out with the suck fest that was 2010! Here's to 2011 (yeah, yeah so I'm a week and a half late...bite me)!
With the New Year come the resolutions that I will fail miserably at keeping. So here we go, (in no particular order) here are my resolutions for 2011:

1) Keeping my blogs up to date. This blog as well as my photo blog.
2) Develop more patience with my kids. In return for my increase in patience my children will tone down their obnoxiousness.
3) When somebody pisses me off, let them know it.
4) Work out more (insert eye-roll here because I'm so freaking original).
5) Watch more independent films. Challenge the old noodle.
6) Laugh at myself more when I make a complete ass of myself. This pretty much happens on a daily basis.
7)Tell at least one person to fuck off (see number 3). I don't know who, but I think it would be so liberating to just scream that in somebody's face.
8) I want to be on a reality show. I figure those douchebags on Jersey Shore can make a living on TV and actually get paid for it, why the hell can't I?
9) Wear something that is completely out of my comfort zone.
10) Live my life and be happy with the life I have.

Happy 2011 and happy reading!

Depressing Fact #47 About Getting Older.

2009-04-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

I can no longer "party like a rock star." As I quickly learned this weekend after I attended a bachelorette party in Vegas. I knew my soon to be sister in law's "last wild weekend before she ties the knot" event would be a blast. A weekend away with just the girls. No kids and no husband. What wouldn't be fun about that?

I knew there would be some drinking and partying involved, um hello it was a bachelorette party after all. I just didn't realize how much. At first we were told Friday was a free for all, do your own thing. Saturday we would be lounging by the pool and then Saturday was when the real partying was to start.

Turned out plans changed a little and we partied like crazy on Friday night and we were to continue the same type of partying on Saturday night. I was just not up for that. I had a great time on Friday night, but my body can only take so much drinking, dancing (especially in heels) and staying up until 3:30am.

Saturday I was not feeling so hot. Getting out of bed was torture. My head hurt, but not because I was hungover. No, I decided it was because the music was so loud in the club (I know I'm such an old lady). My whole body ached from busting out my kick ass dance moves and my feet killed from trampling around Vegas in my new red heels.

So when I heard we were doing the same thing on Saturday night I was not too excited. I just don't know when I became so old! There was a time when I could stay up partying all night, get up for a 7am class hungover (or still drunk) and be able to somewhat function.

One day I was a cool college kid then the next day I woke up and I'm a cranky old lady. Next I'm going to be yelling at the neighborhood kids to turn their music down and to stay off my lawn.

Kindergarten Here She Comes!

2009-03-29T13:32:00.000-07:00

After a lot of stress, cursing of the school system, tantrum throwing and harassing phone calls to the pediatrician's office, I am pleased to announce that my daughter has FINALLY been enrolled in Kindergarten.

For awhile we were torn between enrolling her here where we live or if we should try for an intra-district transfer (so she can go to school close to where we work). I was a huge stress ball about the whole situation. I just knew an intra-district transfer was going to be a hassle and I wouldn't know until August if the transfer was approved.

My co-worker was having the same dilemma as I was, except the school district she lives in won't allow students to transfer out of their district. She told me she'd been thinking about charter schools and told me about one that is close to our work.

Listening to her talk about the school I quickly fell in love with the idea of my daughter going to Kindergarten here. The class sizes are VERY small (love it). It's a dual language academy, so half the day the children are taught in English and the other half of the day is taught in Spanish (really love it). The school offers a full day Kindergarten from 8:30 - 3:00 (totally love it).

Even though I loved the idea of the school, I didn't know how Bryan would feel about it. He liked the idea of the charter school, especially the dual language aspect of it. As he told me, "The Spanish will help her with Spanish classes in high school and college. I sure had a hell of a time trying to cheat my way through Spanish." So with Bryan on board we went for a tour of the school, just to be sure we liked what we saw.

While waiting for registration to start I made sure she had her physical, immunizations and dental check-ups all completed. Finally registration began and we faxed papers to the Doctor and Dentist that had to be filled out. The admin at the school told us in order for her to be accepted EVERYTHING needed to be completed and turned in.

Evidently somewhere along the line the Pediatrician's office lost the memo that we needed this back as soon as possible. It took THREE days of harassing phone calls (thanks for your assistance with those Bryan) to finally get one tiny piece of paper back. Seriously, all the Doctor had to do was fill out one box, check a few other boxes and sign it. That was all and they needed three days for it! Come on, give me a break.

After I finally got the papers from the doctor back I had a mini panic attack about a blood test she didn't have done. Luckily the panic attack didn't last long (turned out she didn't need the blood test after all). So I took the paper work down to the school and received the green light. The spot is hers and she'll be attending Kindergarten there next year.

I'm so excited and sad at the same time. I can't believe I just finished registering my baby girl for Kindergarten. I don't think Dylan is as excited to start though. My mom asked her what she thought of her new school and she said, "It doesn't have any toys."

Moving Out

2009-03-25T19:29:00.000-07:00

They grow up so fast don't they? We were playing a nice family rough housing game tonight when Dylan got upset because I knocked her over.

She started yelling at me over and over, "I'm mad at you!" Which only made me laugh at her and continue to bother her more. I guess I finally pushed too many buttons because she lost it.

Dylan~ "That's it, I'm going away and I'm never going to see you again!"
Me~ "Oh yeah, where are you going to go?"
D~ "To San Diego!"
M~ (Laughing) "San Diego huh, and how are you going to get there?"
D~ "I'm going to turn left!"

At this point Bryan are crying because we are laughing so hysterically. She continued on telling us how mad she was at us both and that's when we grabbed the camera:

After this she continued on for another 5 minutes. She stomped down to the door with her balloon in tow. However, she couldn't figure out those tricky front door locks. So she's stuck living with us, at least until she figures out how to get out the front door on her own!

The Insult King.

2009-02-28T19:33:00.000-08:00

My lovely son is already an insult master. I don't even know how it happened, but it did. Anytime he's mad at me, or I tell him something he doesn't want to hear, he looks me right in the eyes and says, "You old mommy."

Ouch, now that cuts me deep Justin. I wonder who told him I was freaking out so much about turning 30 in August? Oh right, that was probably me and my big mouth. Me turning the big 3-oh no is turning out to be a weekly conversation topic over dinner. Guess he listens to more than I think he does! Better watch what other insecurities I let slip out around him, I don't want to give him more ammunition to use against me.

Totally Freaking Out Over Here!

2009-02-07T19:56:00.000-08:00

Dylan has had a drawing obsession lately. Last weekend she sat for hours drawing pictures of flowers for her friends in her class. Today she had a similar drawing obsession. Only it wasn't about something as cute and sweet as flowers. She was drawing pictures of nothing. Just taking a crayon and scribbling circles on a piece of paper. A la the creepy ass kid from the movie The Ring:

I thought my horror movie phobia was just working overtime today, but my Dad said he thought the same thing when he saw her drawing today. This is only a portion of what she drew today. She seriously drew this exact same thing (in different colors) on about 60 sheets of paper. So if I happen to go missing in about seven days you all know what happened. If you have no idea what the hell I'm babbling about...then consider yourself lucky!

25 of the Most Intriguing Things You Will Ever Read About One Person.

2009-02-03T20:00:00.000-08:00

Yeah I only sound a tad full of myself don't I?

I was tagged a few times to write something called "25 Things" on Facebook. I really want to do this, but I don't want to put it out there for everyone on my Facebook "friends" list to see (I tend to be a friend whore and will accept anyone who requests friendship). So in my tiny brain it makes more sense for me to post it here on my beloved blog. Here are the rules:

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

On another side note: I'm not tagging anyone because I don't have 25 friends to tag, so...AWAY WE GO!

1. I am obsessed with Guitar Hero. When I first heard of this game I thought it was the dumbest thing ever, now I can't live without it.
2. This isn't really an unknown about me...I am a die hard member of the Raider Nation and have been since I was 5 years old.
3. Even though I was born in North Carolina, I will always consider myself a Californian.
4. I have never been outside of the U.S. except to go to Tijuana and Canada (totally pathetic I know).
5. I want to go back to school to get my Masters, but I'm terrified that I won't be able to handle college again.
6. I'm a closeted nerd, I live for geology, history and astronomy.
7. I hate pretty much everyone and talk shit about a lot of people. It's probably my biggest character flaw, but no matter how hard I try I just can't make myself tolerate stupid people.
8. I heart wine...especially red wine.
9. I love to dance. I break out my best dance moves after I've been drinking quite heavily.
10. I am so competitive it's sad. I can and will make a competition out of anything.
11. Despite all of the reasons not to, I want to have a third child.
12. Even though they drive me absolutely bat shit insane...I love my kids more than anything in this world.
13. I believe in aliens and ghosts and since I believe in them I feel they don't need to make their presence known to me. I believe without needing solid proof, so stay the HELL away from me!
14. I am scared out of my mind of dying. I have panic attacks every so often about dying. It's the finality of it all...I'll be here one day living, talking and breathing. Then suddenly everything will just be black. I will just be gone and that's it. Scares the shit out of me.
15. I wish I was a blond.
16. It really, really pisses me off when people tell me how much my kids look like my husband. I'm the one who carried them for nine months and had to do all the work for them to make their grand entrances into this world. I think they should look more like me dammit!
17. I am extremely depressed about the fact I am turning 30 this year. Not at all looking forward to it...totally sucks ass.
18. I say "like" and "totally" way too much. I guess that's one of the downfalls of living in California around all these surfer dudes.
19. The first time I got drunk was when I was 18 with one of my best friends from high school. We got drunk off wine coolers and watched "Boogie Nights." We couldn't wait to see Marky Mark's "penis"...good times!
20. I really want to learn how to golf, don't ask why, I just do.
21. I have gotten very lazy in my old age. I don't know what it is, but I can't stay up late at all anymore. Once it hits 9 pm I'm ready to go to sleep. I sure know how to party don't I?!
22. I love shoes. I mean really love shoes. I am currently seeking the perfect pair of red high heels. I've actually been seeking them for about a year now, but haven't found them yet.
23. I want a tattoo really bad. I've wanted one for years, but I just don't know exactly what I want.
24. I hate housework, all of it. I want a maid!
25. I still don't have any idea of what I want to be when I grow up. I just know what I'm doing now, is not what I want to be doing 5 years from now.

Will the '80s Die Already?

2009-01-31T17:41:00.000-08:00

I know I don't get out much. Between work, kids and a hour and a half commute every day,I don't see much of the world outside of my own little bubble. So, can somebody tell me when hideous '80s fashion snuck its way back into this world? I thought all that crap was dead and buried. Gone in a freak fire caused from all the hairspray used for that big '80s hair.

I went to the mall today and actually thought for a moment that I walked into a terrible '80s time warp. In every store I went in there were bright fluorescent green, pink, yellow and blue shirts. Those terrible jeans. You know, the ones you had to jump off your bed to get into because they were so tight. If they weren't the freakishly tight jeans, they were the even more hideous jeans in any shade you can imagine.

I saw teen after teen picking this stuff (or should I say crap) up off the rack and buying it. I wanted to pull them aside and tell them they would live to regret this fashion choice one day.

I'll admit I'm not the most fashionable person in the world. Give me a comfortable pair of jeans, a tank top and flip flops and I'm all set. But seriously what was so great about the '80s that somebody felt they had to bring this fashion back from the dead? If you want to bring something back from the '80s it should be the music!

100 Things

2009-01-29T14:13:00.000-08:00

I just got done reading a post from my lovely friend Jess called "100 Things" and I just can't resist doing it for myself. You are supposed to put in bold the things you've done, but I'm just have to add a little narrative to a few of the things:

Put the ones you've done in bold.
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped ~NEVER!
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty ~On my list of things to do, I've wanted to do this since I was a kid.
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill ~I know I'm such a goodie goodie
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice ~Bolded half because I have ridden a gondola, just not in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person ~On my list
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David ~At Cesar's palace (hey it doesn't say the actual David!)
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted ~By a caricature artist
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching ~While I was a Girl Scout
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving ~Never and you couldn't pay me to do it
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square Sadly no, but it's on my list of things to do.
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House Does standing outside on the sidewalk count?
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake ~I've visited the Great Salt Lake and if you want to come away with your health I wouldn't recommend swimming in it!
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee ~Sat on the bastard!
100. Read an entire book in one day

Wise Beyond Her Years

2009-01-17T21:02:00.000-08:00

I wasn't actually present for this conversation, but I sure wish I was.

My dad is staying at our house for the next few weeks while his semi is in the shop. Turns out that an elk can do some serious damage to a semi.

Anyway he was watching cartoons with Dylan this morning, George of the Jungle to be exact. He asked Dylan if she knew what the monkeys name was, and she replied:
"George W. Bush."

Oh, how I love this wise child of mine :)

Mission Completion!

2009-01-10T15:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry...guess we watch a little too much Little Einsteins in this household.

Last week I pleaded for help with a little decorating problem Bryan and I were having. I am happy to report that thanks to all of my incredibly wise friends, my problem is solved!

Before:

And after:

I'm so happy, finally our living room seems complete! Thanks to everyone for all of your help! You guys are awesome!

Decorating HELP!

2009-01-03T13:48:00.000-08:00

I'm totally stumped. I'm calling on my fellow blogging friends to help me out and give me some ideas on what to do with this:

We've been living in our house for eight months now and I can't figure out what to do with this shelf. At first we had nothing there, but over Christmas we had decorations up there and we really liked it. Now that we've taken all of the decorations down we feel like there is something missing. The problem is we just can't figure out what to put up on that shelf. The only thing I know I don't want to put up there is fake plants. I'm not one for fake plants, plus I'm not exactly excited about having to climb up there and clean the plants when they get all dusty.

So I'm open to any ideas you have. We don't really have a decorating theme going on in our house. It's mostly full of pictures of the kids. However we do have a wine theme in our kitchen. Here are some pictures of my kitchen and living room if that helps conjure up any ideas. THANKS!

This Year I Will

2009-01-01T12:25:00.001-08:00

The list of things I plan to do this year:

~First up: I vow to not be so short tempered with my children. It's not their fault that I work with kids all day and have zero patience for their attitudes when we get home. I will take a deep breath, try and talk to them in a calm voice. Then if that doesn't work, I'll resort to yelling and screaming like a mad woman.

~Second: I won't talk shit or gossip about people anymore. Oh who the hell am I kidding, I wouldn't last a day. I won't talk as much shit or gossip about people as much as I did in 2008.

~Third: I'm going to write more on my blog. I love writing and writing on my blog is a good outlet for me. I love sharing stories about my crazy family and venting if I've had a bad day. I tend to get busy with life and neglect my writing. This year however I won't let that happen.

~Fourth: I'm going to get Bryan to take me on vacation somewhere other than Vegas. I love Vegas, but really I need to go somewhere else to get away and relax and forget about it all.

~Fifth: The last thing on my to do list for 2009 is to be happy. I tend to let little things bother me and get me all bent out of shape. I'm going to take things slow. Enjoy my family, my kids and my life.

Happy New Year!

The Pledge

2008-12-21T15:11:00.001-08:00

I've caught Justin playing with my Raider Santa over the last few days. He presses the button so Santa sings and then he recites The Pledge. I'm going to start calling it, "The Pledge to the Raider Nation."

A HUGE Milestone.

2008-12-02T20:35:00.001-08:00

Not for the kids, but for me. I have many, totally irrational fears that cripple me at times. Flying, spiders, snakes, The Candy Man and tornadoes. My biggest fear of all is the dreaded porta potty.

To make a very long, expensive therapy session short...lets just say I would rather wet myself and then walk through a crowded football stadium, than use a porta potty.

After about five seconds in the car tonight Dylan informed us that she had to go potty. This was infuriating to me because I asked her multiple times before we left school if she had to go. She insisted that she did not.

When we arrived at the gas station we found that their restroom was "Out of Order." So we marched outside while she protested, "But mommy I really need to go potty." That's when out of the corner of my eye I see it calling my name. The dreaded portable toilet of death.

I walk back to the car and ask Bryan if he can take her to the porta potty. He refuses and tells me to just go, "You can do it." I shudder as I turn to walk to the blue monstrosity the next parking lot over. As Dylan and I are walking I brace myself for the urine/vomit/shit smell that is awaiting me. When we are just feet away from the toilet a rather large man slams the door shut to the porta potty.

"This is not going to be good," I'm thinking to myself. When finally we arrive at my Nemesis, I open the door and Dylan asks what it is. I fight trying to tell her how horrific and disgusting these things are and say, "It's a toilet." I helped her onto the toilet all the while keeping half my body outside the porta potty.

Yes that's right! I made my 4 year old daughter pee in a porta potty, in the middle of a parking lot, with the door wide open. All because I was scared to close the door and go inside. Either way I'm declaring today a victory for me!

Although, you still couldn't pay me to pee in one of those things.

One of Those Days.

2008-11-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

No scratch that. It's been one of those WEEKS! I think I lost my children somewhere on the commute home on Monday and picked up their evil tantrum throwing doppelgangers instead.

The whole week has been a whirlwind of tantrums, hitting, screaming, crying and it's only WEDNESDAY! Last night we put Justin to bed at 5:30 because he was throwing the hugest tantrum. He didn't want to take a bath, so he hit me and threw/splashed water all over the bathroom. Then when it was time to get out of the bath he threw himself onto the ground and started kicking me.

Tonight it was Dylan's turn to throw a hissy fit and get put to bed at 6:30. She cried the whole way home pretty much and then when we got home she was a little witch to her brother. She wouldn't leave him alone and attacked him when he tried to stand up to her for being a bully.

I'm totally lost with this. I don't know what to do with them. It seems like the smallest thing will set either one of them into a tailspin. Then I get angry, start yelling and just end up completely frustrated. The majority of the time they are the sweetest kids, but their brat factor completely trumps all of their cuteness.

I guess it's a good thing we restocked the wine rack over the weekend...I'm really going to need it by the time this week is over.

Smart Kids.

2008-11-04T20:38:00.000-08:00

I Think He's Got It!

2008-10-30T19:39:00.000-07:00

Thanks to this man, I can now call my son officially potty trained!

Justin has been in underwear all week at school! I'm happy to report that he has only had one accident this week, today during nap. I'm beyond thrilled...goodbye diaper buying, I'm so done with you! Well except for at night, I don't think he's quite ready for that yet.

The Incredible (Potty Training) Hulk

2008-10-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

Potty training has to be my least favorite thing in the world to do. It's so frustrating and honestly I don't have the patience to run to the bathroom every 10 minutes to avoid accidents.

I was hoping it would be easier for Justin, the kid has been pooping in the toilet since his second birthday. He already had the hard part down, getting him to pee was going to be a breeze, or so I thought. I started by buying some Mickey Mouse underwear for Justin. He was very excited about wearing Mickey and to my surprise he could stay dry for up to two hours. However he wouldn't tell me he had to pee. He would just come up to me and tell me, "Mommy I wet on ground." Then I was off to find the wet spot on the carpet. It's worse than house breaking a puppy.

Lately Justin has had a HUGE obsession with The Hulk. When I was trying to get him to pee I'd ask him if he wanted to make The Hulk happy? I bribed him with some Hulk underwear, but he still wouldn't really go in the toilet. The kid was scared for some reason. He'd tell me he would have to go, but I'd have to fight him to get him to sit on the toilet.

I was ready to throw in the toilet paper when I decided to go ahead a buy The Hulk underwear as a last resort. I'm happy to say that he has been in his new Hulk underwear all weekend (except for nap and bedtime) and he's only had one accident.

He's told me every time he's had to pee and I haven't had to fight him at all. When he's done he tells his Hulk underwear he went pee and asks, "Hulk happy?"

I could kiss The Hulk! Well perhaps if I didn't have a deep down, still lurking, childhood fear of The Hulk.

The true test will be tomorrow at school. Justin will be wearing his Hulk underwear to school, keep your fingers crossed The Hulk stays dry.

The Ghost of High School Past.

2008-10-12T07:44:00.000-07:00

Why is it that no matter how old you get, how much more "mature" you become, there are just some events from high school that you can't shake from your subconscious?

When I was 16 I had this boyfriend who was a complete ass. The Cliff's Notes version of the story is: He wanted sex, that's all he talked about from the second we started going out. I wasn't going to give it to him. I broke up with him after only a few weeks. He spread dumb high school rumors about me. Then he called me a bitch in front of my mom and little brother.

Yesterday Bryan and I took the kids to a small pond by our house. When we were leaving I saw this guy looking at me. I walked by him and then when Bryan got closer he stopped him. I figured it was somebody who Bryan knew from work so I grabbed Justin and started back towards Bryan. I stopped dead in my tracks when I realized who Bryan was talking to. I grabbed Justin and walked the other way. So mature I know.

The five minutes Bryan spent talking with him I debated going over there, being the "bigger person" and just saying hi. My feet were cemented to their spot, I wasn't moving any closer. Finally Bryan came back over and I asked him if it was who I thought it was, "Yep it is."

"I know there's a reason you hate that guy but I can't remember why." So I told him the whole story (for probably the twentieth time). "Oh yeah that's right I remember now. So since I'm your husband I should defend your honor and slap him in the face huh?" Calm down Karate Kid, there's no need to defend my honor here.

I told him how I debated going over there to just say hi, but I couldn't. "It was a long time ago Jenni. You have a much better life then him, you should just forget it." I know I thought I had. Honestly I never though I'd see him again, but running into him yesterday brought up all those old high school memories and hurt feelings.

I did have my chance to be the bigger person though. As we were leaving "J" was walking towards us. I said my fake "Hi, yeah it's good to see you too," bit and walked off with my family. I admit it does feel good to know that I have a damn good life and that he is still every bit the loser he was in high school. Thanks Karma ;)

Have I Totally Lost My Mind?

2008-10-09T18:46:00.001-07:00

This week for some reason I've had a very pesky bug up my butt. Not literally of course. For some reason I've been thinking about having another baby. I know totally insane right?!

Before having kids I always wanted to have 3 kids. However living in Southern California I realize this is not a reality. Unless I want to be living on the streets or back at my mother's house (which to be honest I would probably rather live on the streets).

I brought it up over dinner on Tuesday night to Bryan. I knew he would totally shoot me down, tell me that we couldn't afford another kid, blah blah blah! While he was talking all I could he was my uterus shouting over him "Impregnate me now!"

I really don't know what has gotten into me (I mean my uterus) lately. I totally hated everything about pregnancy. I was a miserable cow through both of my pregnancies. I hate not getting a full eight hours of sleep, so a newborn obviously would get in the way of that. Plus we are on the verge of having Justin out of diapers. That means no more diapers ever AGAIN!

Somebody just needs to come over here and slap me silly...any volunteers?

They make it so hard to be angry.

2008-10-07T18:31:00.000-07:00

Justin has been screaming at me for everything lately. Anytime he wants to talk to me about anything he screams it at me instead of talking to me like a normal person.

Today he was screaming at me to turn the music up, it wasn't loud enough for him. I'd finally had enough so I just turned the music off instead. He cried for a few minutes but I told him no more music because of his screaming.

A minute later Dylan started crying that she wanted music. "But mommy I want to listen to songs!" That's when Justin suddenly says:

"Too bad een (the way Justin pronounces Dylan), no more music. Too bad."

It was too much for all of us. We all started laughing hysterically. And like that everything was over.

A day in the life of a commute.

2008-10-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

Driving 40 minutes one way everyday can wear on your nerves after awhile. My kids always find a way to keep it interesting that's for sure.

This morning the kids were in an especially good mood and wanted to listen to the "mama mia song." Translation: Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. I was cracking up on the way to work this morning even though I think 6 am is a little early for head banging. I told Bryan these kids must be musical geniuses if they already appreciate Queen.

The drive home this afternoon was a different story. All hell broke loose in the back seat. Somebody took the others blanket or favorite toy? Perhaps somebody was looking at the other person or said a mean word? The answer is none of the above. What set off WWIII in the back seat of our car was a fart.

That's right, you read it correctly. A stinky smelly fart is what caused a near riot between my children. Dylan farted loud enough to embarrass a truck driver. She thought it was hilarious and had to announce to all of us that it was she who had farted.

Justin had to add his two cents to the conversation and said: "I fart too mommy!" And that good people is how it began. Dylan and Justin started screaming back and forth at the top of their lungs "NO I FARTED," for the next mile.

My life is a hilarious nightmare at times.

Odds & Ends

2008-09-28T11:11:00.000-07:00

It's been a little while since I blogged, so I thought I'd catch you all up on some things that have been going on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I survived my plane ride to Missouri and FINALLY got to meet my wonderful friend Jess. Bryan asked if I was nervous to spend 4 days with someone I didn't know. I wasn't nervous even for a second. Even though I'd never met Jess I feel like we've been friends for years. The first time we talked on the phone we talked non-stop for over an hour. There are very few people in this world who actually get me, Jess gets me.

I had a blast with her. Her boys are absolutely adorable and her husband is not an axe murder (big relief for Bryan of course). We went to the Zoo at Forest Park and I still can't believe that the zoo was FREE! She treated me to my very first pedicure. Yes, I know, 29 years old and never had a pedicure, what a travesty! We walked around Main Street in St. Charles and had lunch in the cutest little outdoor cafe. The majority of the time we talked and talked, drank some wine and talked some more. Hopefully I didn't talk her ear off too bad. I have a tendency to never know when to stop talking. I had such a great time it was the perfect vacation from my life...thanks a million Jess ;)

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Justin has turned into a cyclone. The other day while I was getting the kids dinner ready we heard a scream from the bathroom, followed by some banging on the door. A quick head count we noticed we were missing Justin. Bryan went and opened the door and I hear, "Water day Daddy!" Justin had shoved the entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet and then flushed it. There was water everywhere. It was not a pretty sight.

He followed that trick up later in the night by coloring all over the couch and ottoman with a pink and purple crayon. Love it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dylan has turned into a high school freshmen over night. That girl has a serious attitude problem lately. Her new favorite thing is to tell everybody that they are ugly whenever she's mad at them. I'm so sick of her attitude and back talk that I'm tempted to lock her in her room until she's 30. Well maybe not 30...25 might do the trick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm so glad that Summer is finally over. Although somebody needs to send Mother Nature a calendar and inform her that Summer is over. 97 degrees does not equal Autumn weather.

In celebration of it now being Autumn, I put up my Halloween decorations yesterday. I LOVE HALLOWEEN. Next to Christmas it is my favorite holiday. I'm the first one in my neighborhood to have my decorations up....yes I win! Take that suckers!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I'm sitting here typing this I'm also watching the Green Bay Tampa Bay game and have found a new man to drool over. Aaron Rodgers is hot! There's something about sweaty hot quarterbacks that gets my old heart ticking! Don't worry Christian Bale, you'll always be first in my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RIP...almost

2008-09-16T20:42:00.001-07:00

We've had a near death experience in our household this evening. Princess, the male (try telling Dylan he's a boy and not a girl fish, there's a fight you just can't win) betta who resides in my daughter's PINK bedroom, is not doing so well.

I went downstairs tonight to put some laundry away and noticed Princess laying on the bottom of his bowl. I tapped on the glass...nothing. I shook the bowl a couple of times...nothing. I just knew the damn fished had died on me. I called Bryan down so we could get our stories straight. I was suddenly in a panic, how do I tell my 4 year old that her beloved fish is dead.

Bryan told me just to flush it and she wouldn't even notice it was gone. I knew she would though, the second she went to feed him tonight. So Bryan in all his infinite wisdom marched upstairs and told Dylan:

"Sorry Dylan, your fish Princess is dead."
"But why daddy?"
"It just happens, actually it happens a lot with fish. They just die."
"BUT I LOVE HIM!"

Insert hysterical tears (Dylan's) and my heart break here. I pick up his bowl to flush him and the little bastard nearly jumps out of the bowl. He sinks back down to the bottom and starts doing that fish out of water breathing.

I went upstairs to tell Dylan the sort of good news. Her fish wasn't dead...yet. Yep, it's only a matter of days before Princess meets the white porcelain god. Somebody please help me.

I've Created a Monster

2008-09-02T20:10:00.000-07:00

Evidently the wine incident from yesterday was only the beginning for Justin. Today after we got home from school Dylan and Justin were fighting (as usual) with each other. So they were having a joint timeout session. While Justin was sitting he kept saying, "Stuck mommy, stuck."

I realized he had something in his pocket and he was trying to get it out. I went over to see what he had, figuring he'd smuggled a toy home from school. To my surprise I pulled out an empty mini apple schnapps liquor bottle. I don't even want to know where he got it from or how long he'd been smuggling it in his pocket.

Seriously, what am I going to do with this kid!?

Wine Connoisseur

2008-09-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

That's not grape juice staining my two year olds shirt and face my friends. Nope that is wine.

Let me back track a little for you. Bryan and I were playing hide and seek with the kids tonight. It was our turn to hide so we were hiding in our closet. The kids were running around trying to find us and they couldn't. Then from the kitchen we hear Dylan:

"Justin you have wine! You spilled the wine!"

Bryan and I look at each other and then go bolting out of the closet. There we see our little boy with a wine stained shirt and wine stained lips. I asked Justin if that was good juice, "Yeah Mommy!"

I'm still amazed that he managed to climb onto the chair, climb onto the table, take a drink and not break my favorite wine glass.

Goodbye my num-num...

2008-08-24T13:18:00.000-07:00

Goodbye my friend. Or at least Justin's friend. After two wonderful years together, as of yesterday, we have bid adieu to Justin's num-num (pacifier). I don't know what took me so long to get rid of the stupid thing. I think I needed it more than he did/does. I was always so proud of myself for getting my kids off the bottle, cold turkey, the second they turned 1. But the pacifiers have always been my Achilles heel of parenting.

Dylan was 2 1/2 when the pacifier fairy came and took her pacifiers away. That was the end of that for her, she never asked for it again. I knew Justin would be a different story, and I always had an excuse for not taking the thing away. First we moved and then took on a 45 minute commute everyday. Rather than listening to him scream in the car I would plug him up with his num-num. Rather than listening to him scream for 20-30 minutes at bedtime I would just let him have the num-num. And to keep him from waking up in the middle of the night, or early in the morning I let him have his num-num.

See, I needed the num-num more than him. So what suddenly made me change my mind? There is a new little girl in my pre-k class who still uses her pacifier. 4 years old! Asking me for her bi-bi at nap time! I always thought that I would be able to break Justin of his num-num when I was ready. But seeing this 4 year old cry and throw a fit over her bi-bi made me think that it was time for both of us to say goodbye.

So yesterday morning we threw Justin's num-num's in the trash. He watched me throw them all away, and I told him they were going bye-bye in the garbage truck (his favorite things in the world are garbage trucks). That was that. He cried for about 20 minutes at nap time and about 15 at night. Not so bad, and right now he's sleeping without it again. Keep your fingers crossed that it continues to go this smoothly.

Dear Sir-

2008-08-17T18:08:00.000-07:00

To the Target patron in the toy aisle today I would just like to apologize for what you witnessed this fine morning.

Yes once again I was on my weekend trip to Target. The kids have actually behaved themselves lately so I haven't had any shameful trips...until today that is.

Justin was in a lovely mood today. Trying to knock things off shelves, pulling his sister's hair, kicking off his shoes. You name it, he was doing all of it. He wasn't getting a reaction out of me, so that really pissed him off. He started trying to hit and pinch me, but I was too quick for his moves. So he tried a new tactic, which I haven't seen in his arsenal until now. He pulled my shirt down and flashed my boobs in their full glory, to a man who happened to be venturing up the Barbie aisle at that very moment.

Victory is yours Justin, you have left me utterly defeated. I wave my white flag of surrender.

"Don't Worry, It'll Get Better."

2008-07-06T21:39:00.001-07:00

All day I have wondered what made a complete stranger utter these words to me while on shopping with my family in tow.

Bryan and I split up once we hit the store so we could be done before any mayhem broke out. I was lucky enough to be stuck, I mean paired, with Justin. While we were strolling down aisle number 3 of our shopping adventure Justin decided he'd had enough of acting like a normal child. Justin has discovered his super hero power of elastic super stretch arms. Lately when we go to the store (or anywhere for that matter), he reaches out and just grabs whatever he feels like and tries to knock or pull it off the shelf, rack, whatever it's on. So now I have to walk perfectly down the middle of aisles so he doesn't knock everything down.

"Cookie mommy, cracker mommy, snack mommy."
"No Justin, we have all of this at home. Please stop touching." As I'm swatting his arm away to keep him from knocking an entire jar of salsa onto the floor, I hear:

"Don't worry, it'll get better." I glance to my left and there is a very nice woman looking at me with a smile that says: "Oh have I been there."

I told her, "I sure hope so, I'm seriously debating keeping him locked in the house until he's 18." She laughed and gave me one more sympathetic smile and that was that.

Afterward I wondered what brought on these words from this complete stranger. What she'd witnessed Justin doing isn't nearly as bad as the majority of crap he's been doing lately. Perhaps my face said it all. Have I finally turned into a broken mom and all my frustrations were right there on my face for all to see? Whatever prompted it, I just hope she's right!

Poor Kid.

2008-06-29T17:03:00.001-07:00

Reason number 1,034 that Justin is going to need therapy when he gets older.

Photo Challenge: What I Like Best About Summer

2008-06-29T11:53:00.000-07:00

So Homey wants to know what I like best about summer. For me it's dirty kids after a fun day at the beach.

Cleaning the sand after that fun day at the beach, isn't so enjoyable for me however.

Mean Girls...Already?

2008-06-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

Daily I am shocked at how mean little girls are to each other. Daily I have to listen to my 4 and 5 year old (girl) students tell each other: "I don't like you, you're not my friend anymore." Then the next second they'll turn around and be BFF's again. Shocking, at 4 they already have this "mean girl" act down.

I love having a girl, I really do. She's the little girl I always dreamed of having. However, since the day she was born I've been dreading the mean girls she'd come across during her lifetime. I figured she'd have at least until she was 7 or 8 before she encountered this for the first time...nope it happened at the ripe old age of 3 1/2.

There is this girl in her class who is the epitome of mean. She yells daily that nobody is her friend and that everyone is a baby...so on and so forth.

The other morning I was helping Dylan get dressed for school in her usual dress. For the last few months she's refused to wear anything BUT a dress. Help me if it was a rainy day trying to get her into pants, thankfully it doesn't rain too often here.

I never really understood where this obsession with wearing dresses suddenly came from, until the other day:

Dylan: "Every body's going to like my dress huh mommy?"
Me: "Yes, you look so beautiful in your dress."
D: "Nobody is going to tell me I'm a boy right mommy?"
M: "What? Where is this coming from? Who told you that you were a boy?"
D: "B told me that I'm a boy. She's not going to call me a boy now, right?"

I was so mad. I can't believe that at 3 years old a little child can be so cruel. I was so upset for Dylan, how heartbroken she must of been that somebody she called a "friend" could say such a hurtful thing to her. I know she's going to hear people say things that are a lot worse about her in the future. Still I can't shake how I'm feeling about this little girl. Hopefully we'll both grow thicker skin by the time she's a teenager.

Another year...another fair.

2008-06-22T17:16:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday night we took our annual trip to the Del Mar Fair. Yes I know it is the San Diego County Fair now, but I refuse to call it that. It'll always be the Del Mar Fair to me.

The kids instantly fell in love with all the noise and rides. But we had some eating business to get down to before the ride and game fun began. After we were all nice and sick to our stomachs we walked over to see the animals. Fun times for mostly Dylan. The rest of use were totally nauseated, but what are you going to do.

Then we went over to the kiddie carnival area, where the games and rides are all geared towards kids. Dylan rode her first ever roller coaster while Justin watched from the side lines screaming "MOMMMMMMYYYYYYYY" the entire time.

Next it was Justin's turn for a ride, so I paired up with my mom and we took the kids on a train ride. Or how I will refer to it from here on out, "The Train Ride of Death."

It really was pretty funny to listen to him cry and scream for "DADDDDDYYYYYYY," the entire time.

The final kid ride of the evening went to Dylan and the carousel. The kid really has her princess wave down doesn't she?

I'd have to say the night was a success for all. Even though Bryan and I didn't win any prizes ourselves it's still great to take our kids to the place where our relationship began.

How could I forget?

2008-06-22T12:56:00.001-07:00

Three years ago this past Friday was the day my mother in law passed away. I let the entire day pass and I didn't even realize what day it was.

That night we had Bryan's cousin and her husband over for dinner and some Friday night drinking. Bryan was telling us about a conversation he'd had with his Aunt that day, and this is how he told us the conversation went:

R: "Hi Bryan, it's Aunt 'R', how are you doing today?"
B: "Ummm, okay I guess."
R: "Yeah, today is a really hard day for all of us."

It was at that point it dawned on him what day "today" was. Then we all talked for a few minutes about how long it had been (3 years now) and how much it sucked and that was the end of it.

However it wasn't the end for me. I've been mentally beating myself up about it all weekend. Yes, Bryan forgot too, but he has a shit memory. I have a mind like a steal trap, I never forget anything. So how could I forget this? The "anniversary" of the worst day of my life (so far) and I forgot. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think about her. I think of all the things she's missing with her grandchildren. I work in the same school now that I used to work with her. I walk in every day and wish how it was her at the front desk greeting me instead of the director who works there now.

Last year I wrote about how much it still hurt to not have her around, and this year I didn't even shed a tear for her on the anniversary of her death. Does this make me a cold hearted person? Does this mean I'm officially "over" her death? Or am I just so self absorbed with my own stupid problems that I let this day slip my mind?

Whatever the case may be, Ann I love you and miss you so much. There isn't a day that passes that I don't wish you were here with us. I hear people complaining daily about how they can't stand their in laws, and I wish so much that I could complain about you bugging me. How I wish you could of met Justin. He is EXACTLY like Bryan, from his adorable face all the way down to his temper. And you wouldn't believe what a beautiful little girl Dylan has turned into. Ann, please know how much I miss and love you...I always will.

look-alikes

2007-11-07T12:47:00.000-08:00

My kids are famous

2007-10-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

My hubby Bryan aka Vanilla Ice

2007-10-02T22:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight Dylan was throwing a little bit of a fit and I was trying to get her to calm down. The following is what you would of heard if you were a fly on the wall in the Pastor household:

Me: "Dylan you need to listed to me. Stop and listen."
Dylan: "No I want to go see Auntie Manda!"
Me: "Dylan, stop and listen."
Dylan: "No momma, I want to eat with Auntie Manda!"
Me (almost at my breaking point now): "Stop and listen."
Bryan: "No Dylan, you need to collaborate and then listen."

Thank you, I didn't know Vanilla Ice was in the house.

What could I do after he said that but laugh hysterically, yep that's my hubby.

Roughing it.

2007-10-01T09:29:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we packed up the kids, our lovely mutt Chloe (bear protection) and headed off to a cabin in Idyllwild, California. Okay so technically it wasn't camping. I'm sorry but I need a flushing toilet, shelter from bears, coyotes and forest monsters. I was in a cabin, in the woods and not in my bed, so for me that is camping.

We really didn't do anything too exciting, and the days seemed to drag on and on because there wasn't a damn thing to do in that town. But that made it really nice. Bryan kept trying to tell me the cabin was haunted. "Just wait until we look at the pictures from this weekend and we see orbs in all the photos." This little statement was great food for thought when I was awakened by the sound of Justin chatting away early Saturday morning. I woke up and saw him sitting up, looking at the wall and having a conversation. YIKES, freaky kid!

The kids were so good, I couldn't believe it. I almost thought for a minute that we had mixed the kids up with their doppelgangers when we stopped for gas. They ate all their food, didn't fight and they even listened! Except for Justin's early morning hour antics (he kept me up from 1 am until almost 4 on Sunday morning) they were perfect. I swear as soon as we were down the mountain they were back to their normal selves.

As if being in the woods all weekend without sleep wasn't enough torture for me, I decided to take Dylan to Chuck E. Cheese for a friend's birthday party. That was the longest two hours of the entire weekend.

After my long weekend "camping" I want to be right there in the photo at the top of the page. Resting in a hammock, in the woods, without another soul (or monster) around.

I heart Yoga!

2007-09-27T09:34:00.000-07:00

Last night I finally made it to the Yoga class I've been waiting months to take. Since moving back to California I've been looking for a Yoga class to take, but haven't found one yet that wasn't at the ass crack of dawn.

As I mentioned in a previous post Bryan and I joined a gym and to my delight I saw they have Yoga classes. I was going to try and take one during the day, but after the last debacle with the childcare at the gym I'm pretty sure that option is out.

I've never taken Yoga in a class before,. I've done it at home in front of my TV with the help of a DVD, a then 1 year old Dylan, and Bryan laughing at me or trying to push me over. That was the last time I ever did Yoga in my house or at all for that matter.

I decided last night was the night to start my Yoga experience again. I arrived about 10 minutes early and stood outside of the class waiting. I get in class and my mini anxiety attack begins. I start looking for somebody "nice and friendly" to sit next to (a lot like I did the first day of class every year in high school). Everybody starting spreading out their mat on the floor, but I didn't know the mat etiquette for yoga. How close should I be to the person beside me? Should my mat be parallel with theirs or should I stagger it some? Oh the questions and yet not a soul to ask!

Finally I get myself situated and notice people are stretching, so I begin doing a little stretching so I at least appear to know what the hell I'm doing. The instructor walks in and she is a tiny little thing. I've been made fun of my whole life by my friends for pretty much being a stick (I've been called beanpole more times than I can count), but this girl's legs were even more stickly than mine! I figure we're going to start off slow, oh no! I was working up a sweat about 6 minutes in. And I made a comment to Bryan before leaving that Yoga was relaxing, sure it is!

Once I stopped worrying about if I was doing the poses right and remembered to breathe, it actually turned out to be a lot of fun. I don't think the gentleman next to me, who got dragged there by his wife, felt the same way. I think I counted about 10 "Oh shits" coming out of his mouth. I felt so good after class and was so proud of myself for making it an hour without passing out in the middle of class. And unlike my workout from Saturday I didn't feel completely dead after class, I felt energized. I can actually say that this is one workout I plan on sticking with. Plus it'll be nice to get away from kids and Bryan and have an hour all to myself. Well I guess myself and my fellow Yoga classmates.

Note to me for next class...next time don't stand behind the girl wearing the lose fitting shorts. Lets just say during downward dog I caught a glance of a little more than I wanted to see...ouch my eyes!

The Sweetest Thing.

2007-09-24T19:58:00.000-07:00

I love listening to Justin's baby babble. He says a few words that others can understand, but mostly they are only words that I can understand:

Nyny=Dylan
Ma=more
gma=grandma
dada=daddy
mama=mommy
aduh aduh (while pointing)=what's that?
hiaaaa=hi

Today while he was eating breakfast he was throwing a mini fit because he's not feeling too great. He heard Bryan coming in the house from the garage, stopped his crying, and said "Daddy" in the cutest little voice I have ever heard. It was clearly Daddy, there was no mistaking it, even Dylan heard him say it. Bryan didn't hear it, because he was half in the garage, but I saw the pride on his face when I told him that Justin clearly said "Daddy."

I think it made it even sweeter because Bryan left this morning for a couple of days, so it was a nice little send off for daddy. Now I just need to get him to clearly say "Mommy."

The Pastor Family Goes to the Gym

2007-09-24T12:51:00.000-07:00

I'm not a huge fan of working out, never really have been. I get on workout kicks every so often, but they never last for very long. Well lately my knees, neck, back you name it has been bothering me. Bryan got an awesome deal to join a gym through his work, so we decided to join.

I was all excited to take a yoga class on Saturday morning and they have child care at the gym, so I was really thrilled because I didn't have to worry about what to do with the kids. Well the class started at 10:30 on Saturday morning and I didn't quite make it in time. So I figured I'd go ahead and drop the kids off in the childcare center, and go work out on a machine for a little bit. Give them a trial run of sorts.

I go to drop the kiddos off and the employees looked so happy to be there. *please note extreme sarcasm and eyes rolling here* One girl was holding a little boy, probably about 1 1/2, who was crying. As I'm filling out paperwork she comes up to the desk and says, "I can't take this anymore." So they page the kids mom over the intercom. This lady comes in and says, "I was told to come to the kids room." They give her attitude and say, "Your kid is crying!" While holding this little boy in front of her face. "That is not my son, that is my son over there reading a book." She says pointing to a 10 year old boy.

The workers kinda look at each other and are like, "Oh I guess we got the stickers mixed up." They used this hi-tech method of numbering the kids with stickers, they didn't have a clue of any of the kids names.

Drop off time comes. Dylan is thrilled, Justin of course starts crying. I leave and go find my first torture machine. Not even 7 minutes later this is what I hear: "Attention all club guests. Will Jennifer Pastor please report to the Kids Club." I knew they were calling about Justin, I saw how well they handled that other crying kid so I knew they wouldn't even give him a chance.

I go in there, and it made everything worse. I calmed him down, but I had paid for an hour of care for the kids, so I wasn't leaving. I went to the car to get his blanket and resumed my personal torture, I mean workout. I workout for about 15 more minutes then decided to go pick up the kiddos. Justin had cried himself to sleep and the girl was holding him (and boy did she give me a nasty look when I came back to get him) and Dylan was minding her own business reading a book.

I prepared myself for a tantrum when I told Dylan it was time to leave, but she actually was okay. I got evil glares from the workers (who by the way didn't even check my ID to make sure these kids belonged to me). Maybe I shouldn't of left Justin there, but they didn't even give him a chance to calm down after I left. Really 7 minutes isn't that long for him to cry. And he wasn't even crying that much when the paged me to come get him. If anything it made it worse calling me in and then me leaving again.

This isn't a good sign for when I go back to work. Somebody isn't going to be a happy camper!

Priceless

2007-09-21T06:57:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. So mean to take a picture of him in an hour of need, but I just couldn't resist myself. He was crying and frustrated that he was stuck, and I couldn't stop laughing. Isn't that what they invented cameras for, moments like these? I would of used the video camera but I didn't know where it was! That's right, I'm an awesome mom!

It's going to be one of those days.

2007-09-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just wake up some mornings and realize as soon as you get out of bed it's not going to be a good day?

Dylan was supposed to be watching cartoons in my bed, as she does every morning until I'm ready to drag my lazy self out of bed. Well I guess she was practicing her somersaults in my bed, because I awoke to a tiny little foot slamming into my kidney right as she came out of her somersault. Felt great, lemma tell ya!

Then we're in the living room for not even 2 minutes when Dylan and Justin start screaming at each other and fighting over toys. Come on kids, at least let me have a cup of coffee first before you start acting like demon children. Bryan called me to say hi and all he could hear was the beginnings of WWIII in our house. "No, Justin that my toy, NO JUSTIN! NO! NO! NO! GO AWAY JUSTIN YOU NOT MY BROTHER ANYMORE!"

"Geez already huh? You're going to have a long day." No freaking kidding. These kids are making my decision to go back to work easier and easier by the second.

I've lost that cool feeling.

2007-09-10T09:54:00.001-07:00

Saturday night Bryan and I went to a movie. That's right an actual movie with a plot and no animated characters. I wanted to see 3:10 to Yuma, but Bryan didn't want to watch me drooling over Christian Bale on our date, which is understandable. So the one movie we both sort of wanted to see was Superbad. We had heard it was really funny and Seth Rogan from Knocked Up was in it and he also wrote it, so I thought we'd picked a winner.

Actually I wasn't too impressed with this movie there were a few funny parts where I laughed out loud, but I was pretty much bored through the whole thing. Bryan and I were talking about the movie and looked around at the people in our theater and we were surrounded by high school and college students. We were probably the oldest people in the theater!

On a quick side note: are you people that freaking important that you have to text message your little friends throughout the WHOLE FREAKING MOVIE?! Cut the cord all ready chick, you can text your friends in an hour and a half. Okay note over.

Some people were saying this movie was the best teen film since American Pie. I'm sorry American Pie blows this movie out of the water (it's probably better than the 3rd American Pie though). While leaving Saturday night I came to a realization about myself. The whole "Letsget drunk and see if we can get laid" plot just isn't funny to me anymore. I asked Bryan if that make us officially old and uncool. He said "No it just means we have a sophisticated sense of humor now."

Bryan: "Crap I've got a message from 'S', he wants us to come over and have some drinks."
Me: "Well what time is it?"
Bryan: "Just after 10."
Me: "Uhh (while rolling my eyes), lets just go home."

Now that makes us officially old and uncool!

One more giant step...

2007-09-06T18:41:00.000-07:00

...towards becoming a big girl. We've been working on Dylan putting her clothes on all by herself. She's fine putting on her underwear and her pants/shorts/skirt but putting on her shirt has been a whole different story. That is until tonight.

After dinner she went and found her shirt (she had to take it off before dinner because we had enchiladas, very messy) and suddenly she called to me, "Look at me mamma!"

I looked up from the dishes to see my daughter's cute little head poking out through her shirt. It took her about 3 minutes and I kept asking her if she wanted my help, but she insisted she could do it by herself. Finally she conquered that shirt, sure it was on inside out but who cares, she did it all by herself!

Of course we did a little happy dance afterwards to celebrate! Look out big girl world here she comes!

Please tell me she'll always love me this much.

2007-09-05T10:45:00.000-07:00

This is what Dylan has been telling me about 10 times a day for the last week:

"Mommy you my best friend in the whole wide world."

It melts and breaks my heart at the same time. It's one of the sweetest things I've ever heard in my life and yet I know that some day she's going to utter "I hate you," from those same sweet lips.

Do they really have to grow up and turn into teenagers? Can't I just skip the teen years all together?

A child's guide to beating the heat

2007-09-04T13:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday it was unbelievably hot at my house a whopping 104 degrees. Seriously I live in SD, not the middle of Death Valley, it's not supposed to get that freaking hot! Well in all of my infinite wisdom, I decided, (uh...let hubby talk me into) taking the kids to Legoland. "It's not as hot there as it is at the house," he tells me.

So I pack up the kids for an afternoon of sweaty fun. It was actually really nice because nobody was there. Unlike me they were smart sitting inside on their butts in their nice air conditioned houses! We weren't there for long, but by the time we were done the kids were giant sweat puddles.

At home I had to finish dinner and Dylan went outside to help grandma water the flowers. I look outside to see my daughter's idea of how to cool off. She's naked except for her underwear and her rain boots, jumping in mud puddles that grandma made for her. That is one way to cool off I suppose and it sure looked like she was having a lot of fun.

I would post a picture, but I'm sure she'll hate me enough by the time she gets to be a teen. I don't need her finding out about me posting pics of her on the Internet in her underwear when she was little...don't want to give her any future ammunition.

Big Boy

2007-09-04T12:27:00.000-07:00

Today I took Justin for his 1 year checkup, I'm only three weeks late no biggie. So the numbers are in and then is how he looks at 1 year (and 3 weeks old):

~His weight today, 23 lbs. 14 oz at birth he weighed 7 lbs. 6 oz.

~His length today, 32 inches and at birth he was 19 inches

Quite an amazing change over a year, no longer a tiny helpless baby now a big clumsy toddler!

My college top 10

2007-08-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

We all know that kids have been getting back to school over the last couple of weeks. This is not only for grade school there are also kids heading off to college, some for the first time. All of this back to school fever got me thinking about my 10 favorite and not so favorite memories from college:

10. My very first college frat party at University of Wyoming. I was so proud to sign in as a G.D.I. By the way don’t drink the jungle juice at a frat house, stick with the beer, trust me on that one!

9. My roommate my Sophomore year getting pregnant after only having sex with her boyfriend once, and the kicker was it was her first time ever having sex. Let that be a lesson to you all, it really can and does happen on your first time.

8. Watching Fear one night with all the other people who lived on my floor. Right as Marky Mark shoved that dog head through the doggie door somebody pulled the fire alarm. When that fire alarm went off I jumped about 5 feet out of my chair and nearly peed myself.

7. Freezing on my stats final my freshman year. It was an open note final, but I forgot to write down one freaking equation I’d needed. I needed to get at least a B on the final so that I could get a C- in the class. There was no way I was taking that class again if I failed! Luckily I was sitting next to my friend, she saw the look of panic on my face and pointed to the equation on her notes.

6. Being dubbed the “coolest chick ever” after barfing in a garbage can. I had come back from a frat party and my boyfriend at the time wasn’t happy that I went. So after I got back I was sitting in the hallway talking with some of the guys on my floor. One of them farted and I don’t do good with smells after I’ve been drinking, so I barfed in one of their garbage cans.

5. Being put on academic probation after my first semester freshman year and almost losing my scholarship. Lets just say staying out late partying and drinking does not equal a good GPA. I didn’t even think it was mathematically possible to get a GPA of 1.8, but I suck at math so there you go! I wasn’t the only one though, half my floor was right along with me, I’m just glad I wasn’t the one with the lowest GPA.

4. Walking in on my roommate and her boyfriend having sex. I had come back from a day of shopping and noticed a blank sticky note stuck to the door. I remember thinking “What is this doing here?” Ripped it off the door and walked in. Oh yeah, it was “The Sign” (those of you who’ve ever had a roommate know what I’m talking about). I regret that moment to this very day, ouch my eyes!

3. Going to the Wyoming football game against BYU, sorry Jules, but we would have been enemies in college. We weren’t allowed to have alcohol in the student section, but my friends always snuck some in. It was a night game in the winter and the best way to keep warm of course is a nice beverage. I thought I was drinking rum and coke, turns out it was everclear and coke(oh baby). I don’t remember us beating BYU, but apparently we did and am told I wanted to go jump on the field and help rip the goal posts down. At this moment I want to thank my friend “J” who was my babysitter that night and probably stopped me from getting trampled.

2. Transferring from Wyoming to Cal State San Marcos. Best decision I ever made, because it let me be closer to my love, Bryan. I did a lot of partying those first two years of college so I was more than ready to slow it down some!

1. After I had gone to bed one night my roommate decided to call her boyfriend. And lets just say they had a little bit of phone fun while she thought I was sleeping. I was so mortified I didn’t even know what to do. Do I get up and pretend I have to go to the bathroom, do I just stay here? So I put my pillow over my head and prayed for it all to be over soon. And then of course the next morning I told everybody all about it!

*I didn’t say they were all good memories, some of these memories have seriously scarred me for life!

My baby is walking!

2007-08-28T14:49:00.000-07:00

Yeah he's officially walking!

No longer a virgin.

2007-08-28T08:32:00.001-07:00

That's right ladies and gentleman, I'm no longer a virgin, a public temper tantrum virgin that is. I'm no stranger to my kids acting up in public, some of you may even of read about a recent Target experience. But last night I was officially inducted into the embarrassment hall of fame.

We went out to dinner last night with family and brought Dylan with us. We left Justin with my mom because it was just easier that way. After dinner we took her into Geppetto's, a toy store, which was close to the restaurant. I should of turned and ran while I still had the chance. All of the toys were easily within her reach and there was a Thomas the Train track set out for kids to play with. All of these things screamed at me "This is a disaster waiting to happen!" Dylan was being so well behaved though, holding her Auntie's hand and asking about the waiter we had at dinner, I thought everything would be fine.

Everything started out that way, until it was time to leave. Dylan had made her way over to the Thomas the Train set and we were all ready to leave. I told her she could go a pick out a couple of little plastic zoo animals and then it was time to leave. Nothing, she didn't even acknowledge me. So I tried again, and again nothing. I then went up to her and told her it was time to leave and she could either come with me and hold my hand or I was going to pick her up and drag her out of the store. Nothing, so I took a deep breath, picked her up and so the nightmare began.

She started kicking and screaming "Get me outta here, let me down!" I walked past Bryan and said "Her shoes are back there somewhere grab them we're leaving." I tried talking to her outside of the store but she wouldn't stop screaming at me, "I want a toy." Then that's when the hitting began. Bryan took over at that point and we started the long march back to the car.

The kicking, screaming and hitting continued with Bryan. We tried sitting her down again, to talk to her and get her to calm down. It was at that moment I noticed a man sitting in his car staring at us. While we were trying to talk to her I could just feel his eyes burning holes through me and just waiting to see how these "horrible parents" were going to handle this situation. There was no reasoning with this child at this point she was too far gone in her tantrum, so we continued on through the parking lot with eyes all over us. I could almost hear the voices "Look at them, look at their kid. Oh my god what are they doing to that poor kid?"

We finally made it back to our car and I thought things at that point would be okay. Oh no, why would they be? We then we had to wrestle her into her car seat. Let me tell you that kid is freakishly strong. If Bryan hadn't been there I don't know what I would of done. I wouldn't have been able to carry her from that store all the way to our car, while she was having a wild tantrum. And I know I wouldn't have been able to get her in her car seat. She finally stopped screaming about 5 minutes from home. I turned back to see if she was asleep, nope we just had one very pissed off child in the back seat.

After it was all over and we were back home, Bryan told me, "You did good, you didn't give into her or give her what she wanted even though she was throwing a fit." Deep down I know he's right and I'm proud of myself for that. I know there are some parents who would have caved and given their kids what they wanted just to save themselves the embarrassment of a public tantrum. Still for some reason I can't shake the "I'm a failure" vibe today.

And why is this so exciting to me?

2007-08-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

This weekend I was getting caught up on my movie watching and finally got to watch Children of Men, yeah I'm a little behind. If you have not seen this movie and don't want to know the ending, then stop reading.........now.

I would say my daughter's name, is very unique. I've never met another girl named Dylan. I met one or two people who know a little girl named Dylan and that's about it. I know it's Drew Barrymore's character in "Charlie's Angels" and there was a TV show on a few years ago called "Good Morning Miami" where the main female character's name was Dylan. And that's actually why we picked the name Dylan, because of that TV show. Well that is until today anyways, I'm telling people we came up with her name another way now!

So basically in "Children of Men" humans can no longer have children. Somehow a woman ends up pregnant and Clive Owen's character, Theo, tries to help her out. How's that for a simplistic plot run down? At the end of the movie the woman is talking with Theo and she tells him, "I've decided on a name, I will call her Dylan" (Theo had a little boy named Dylan who'd died years ago). I was so excited I when I heard the name and I really don't have any idea why, it's not like they chose to name her Dylan after my daughter or anything.

Now I haven't read the book, so I don't know if the ending is the same. It's probably not because they always change everything for movies and end up totally screwing up the book. Then I won't be so excited anymore! But still I just found it so exciting to see my daughter's name in a movie. Kind of like it makes up for all the strange looks and comments after she was born; "She's a girl...named Dylan?" Yes she is, she's my beautiful little girl named Dylan!

If you're chicken and you know it....

2007-08-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

I'm very proud to stand up and shout from the rooftops that I'm a huge chicken. I'm scared of everything. The dark, horror movies, ghosts, alien abductions, The Candy Man (oh crap there's once). You name it, I'm scared of it. Does this stop me from watching horror movies, going to haunted houses or reading scary books, nope, I'm a glutton for punishment I guess.

Last night I finished reading The Ruins, by Scott Smith. All over the inside cover of the book are reviews about how scary the book is. This didn't stop me from reading the book however. I actually didn't find the book that scary at least until I went to bed last night. I had dreams all night about this book, I won't say exactly what for those of you who haven't read the book yet. Then around 2 am this morning I was woke up to Justin laughing like a maniac in his crib. Normally this wouldn't scare me, but it did. I thought of going up to his room to get him to stop playing and go back to sleep, but no, it's dark in the middle of the night.

Plus the night before Dylan almost gave me heart failure when I went in their room. I went to help Justin out and when I turned to leave she was sitting up in her crib, with her blanket over her head like a creepy kid ghost. So I decided to stay put in my nice comfy bed next to my knight in shining armor (who was snoring away). Justin kept playing with this little glow worm toy that plays music, but the batteries are almost dead so a twisted sounding twinkle, twinkle was playing out over the baby monitor. After I realized he wasn't going to go back to sleep and he was totally fine, I turned the baby monitor off and went back to my dreams of The Ruins.

So will this keep me from reading scary books or watching horror movies. Oh no, and you may laugh, but one of these days I will find myself in a situation similar to those in horror movies. And just you watch, I'll be the only one out of all of my friends or family who lives. I'll be the smart one who won't go on vacation there, won't go up stairs, won't pick up that hitchhiker and so on. Oh who am I kidding, I don't have any friends!

Another year, another birthday!

2007-08-20T12:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my birthday (happy birthday to me) and as the years tick by, I find it's not as scary getting older as I had imagined it when I was a kid. However, I do find that I don't get excited about my birthday 6 months in advance like I used to. But I do love celebrating my birthday with my hubby and our kids. It's so much more fun than having a big birthday bash with friends (although I wouldn't object if hubby put together a surprise bash for me).

I spent the majority of my day in the car driving back from Vegas, which was not the highlight of the day. When I finally go home I was so happy to see my kids again, even though the first thing out of Dylan's mouth when she saw me was "Mommy what did you bring me?!" And of course Justin waiting until 5 minutes before I walked into the door to make me a special dirty diaper surprise for my birthday. We had a nice dinner, Dylan helped me open my presents and then we had cake. My favorite present was that the kids went to bed without putting up a fight for once!

The best part of my birthday is knowing that I share it with: Bill Clinton, John Stamos, Matthew Perry and Mei Sheng (the Panda here at the San Diego Zoo).

The bumper sticker says it all.

2007-08-17T12:23:00.000-07:00

While driving to Dylan's dance class this morning I merged onto the freeway on my favorite on-ramp, and nestled myself in between a large truck and granny who was driving about 35 mph. Once I got myself nice and cozy on the freeway I noticed the truck in front of me was carrying HUGE rocks. Not just one gigantic rock, but many gigantic rocks. Rocks so big that if one would have fallen out of his truck and I ran into it, it wouldn't have been pretty.

Immediately I started playing out a scenario in my head, very much like those seen in Final Destination. Of course I'm waiting forever to get around this truck because people on California freeways don't know how to drive. Speed up or slow down people, don't drive the exact same speed as me right next to me or in my freaking blind spot!

So as I impatiently wait for my turn to get around the truck of death, I notice a bumper sticker on the back of said truck. I have never seen a more perfect sticker for any vehicle on the road..."Fear This."

Message received truck of death, thanks for the warning.

Damn you Diego

2007-08-14T10:02:00.001-07:00

Either TV has turned my daughter into one smart cookie or the biggest two year old smart ass on the planet.

My daughter is obsessed with Diego, she got over Dora pretty quick thank goodness, but now it's all about Diego and his Rescue Pack. Last week Dylan and Justin went to their Auntie's house so we could go to dinner with some friends. Dylan brought her new Diego movie with her to share with Auntie. When we went to pick the kids up Auntie asked how many times she'd seen this movie. "Never" I said, "We just bought it for her the other day." She told me Dylan spent the whole movie correcting her about what the animals were:

A: "Look at the kitty Dylan"
D: "That not a kitty, it's a jaguar!"
A: "Isn't that a pretty bird Dylan?"
D: "Its a macaw!"

And yesterday at lunch she again corrected somebody, "Look at the picture of that frog Dylan." This was my little girls response, "No, it a red eye tree frog." I almost died from laughing so hard. My friend just looked at me and I said, "Well it is a red eyed tree frog, she's just telling you."

There has to be some good from cartoons, I can guarantee you I didn't know what a red eyed tree frog was when I was 2.5. So thanks Diego for turning my daughter into a smart ass. I can't be too mad at you though, the kid can count to 5 in Spanish already, which I would have never even thought to teach her.

I've finally figured out what I'm worth.

2007-08-13T19:18:00.000-07:00

And it amounts to all of about $4, how did I come up with this earth shattering price? While folding laundry today I found money hidden throughout the pile of our clean clothes. The first dollar bill I found was curled up at the bottom of the dryer. "SCORE!" I thought to myself as I did a little happy dance with Dylan around the living room.

I found two more dollar bills and was trying to figure out where the money came from. I never have cash on me, so I figured it was from hubby's pockets. My pay day had finally arrived! Then as I uncovered the fourth dollar bill my idea of it being my payday came crashing down. Suddenly it all came rushing back, last night going to get dinner, my mom handing me four crisp dollar bills.

No payday for me, guess I'm back to being worth zero! Although I should keep her money. Kind of a payback for when she washed my clothes growing up and I'd leave money in my pocket. "Sorry Jennifer, you left the money in your pocket. It's now in my dryer, just think of it as you paying me for doing your laundry." Grrrr, mom wins again!

The Calm After the Birthday Party

2007-08-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

I made it through birthday weekend and it wasn't as traumatic as I thought it was going to be. I didn't cry that Justin was now 1 and no longer my baby.

We had a little family celebration on his actual bday. We had brownies and opened presents. Justin didn't care about the presents, but Dylan sure enjoyed opening them and playing with them. Poor kid doesn't even get to play with his own presents. Dylan plays with all the new toys, but he's happy because he finally gets to play with all the old toys he's been trying to get his hands on for months.

Saturday was the big party with all the family and few friends. We don't have many friends (we're big losers) so it was mostly family! For once I'm glad to report the Italian family behaved themselves. Nana & Papa didn't scare the kids (or me for that matter) with kisses. That's only because we avoided them like the plague. It wasn't hard to avoid them we just hid outside and Nana won't go outside because she thinks it's too cold, even though it was 80 that day (the "coldness" she always feels will have to be an entry for another day).

Everybody had a great time, as I knew they would, because I planned an awesome party! Tears for Justin and myself for kept to a minimum and I will never forget the look on his face when we sang happy birthday to him. He was dancing, laughing and clapping his hands together like a lunatic! It was a great and memorable 1st birthday for my little man.

I again want to say thanks to everyone for Justin's birthday wishes!

What a difference a year makes

2007-08-10T12:45:00.000-07:00

Exactly one year ago today I was staring into the face of the newest addition to my family. Justin Michael made his stage debut at 1:19pm on August 10, 2006 at 7lbs 6 oz. and 20 inches:

I can't believe he's already a year old. I miss those baby days so much and now I have another toddler, yikes! While I miss snuggling up to my newborn who didn't back talk or do much of anything for that matter, I love hearing him crawling up behind me saying "mama, mama!" I melt when I see his face light up when I get him out of his crib in the morning. And most of all I love watching him chase after his sister, so badly wanting to walk and run how she does. I love you Justin, my precious mama's boy and Happy Birthday!

4 Years Ago Today...

2007-08-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

This is what I was doing four years ago today:

Three years ago today we were celebrating our first anniversary in Laguna and were expecting our first child in September:

Two years ago today, you know I actually can't remember what we were doing. We were getting ready to move to Utah, so we'd probably just gone out to dinner. So exciting I know!

One year ago today we were enjoying a delicious dinner at our neighborhood Applebees. Again so romantic, I know, but I was going to be induced the next morning to deliver our second child:

Okay so that photo is from the month before, and I know I look mad in the photo, but I'm really not. I'm 8 months pregnant, living in Utah and it's about 1,000 degrees, I was dragged along on a hiking trip and I was hungry.

And finally this is where I'll be today celebrating my 4th wedding anniversary:

Well I won't really bet there today, it'll actually be next weekend. And it won't be at this particular hotel, probably somewhere much cheaper and not as classy!

Oh and here's a little secret for you all! This photo is not from my acutal wedding. We actually took photos for a wedding brochure about 3 months after our wedding. So some photos I have in my wedding album are not from my actual wedding...Shhh!

"Where the turf meets the surf..."

2007-08-07T09:21:00.000-07:00

"...down at old Del Mar." That's right all of you horse racing fans. Mommy went to bet on the ponies last Saturday. I didn't realize that the thing I would miss most about California while in Utah, would be racing season at Del Mar.

I'm not a big fan of gambling (at least that's what I try to tell the voices in my head), and I have myself convinced that I'm not going to bet on the races, "I'm just going to watch."

That logic lasts for all of about one race. I watch everybody else yelling and screaming as the horses near the finish line and get goose bumps when they all go racing past. Most people of course end up throwing their tickets into a crumpled ball of fury at the end of a race, then I decide I want in on that action. Suddenly I'm grabbing the race book and picking horses and putting them in a trifecta box, or a superfecta box.

I didn't do so hot though, I think I need to pick a better method than going off the horses name. Turns out the horse imagamblerbaby is a big fat loser. And also I think I drank more in the signature Del Margaritas than I actually lost betting on the horses. So in that case I'm marking the day down as a winner!

This kid rocks!

2007-08-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

It's official, my daughter officially rocks. We were in the car driving back from the store on Saturday. Bryan and I were talking when suddenly Dylan pipes up from the back seat: "Mommy I love this song!" I just figure it's the Maroon 5 song that's on the radio every 10 minutes or the "Hey there Delilah" song that she likes to sing.

But to my surprise it's neither of those songs. It's the Beastie Boys' song (You Gotta) Fight for your Right (to Party). "When has she ever heard this song before?" Bryan asked me as Dylan is rockin' out in the back seat.

By the time the song is over you hear a steady stream of "Paaarrrrrrty," coming from her. No Kidz Bop for this family thank you, we'll stick to the hip happening tunes!

Justin aka The Incredible Hulk

2007-07-31T22:07:00.001-07:00

Either my son is angry and is turning into The Incredible Hulk, or he got a hold of a green marker. Thankfully he found a green marker his sister left out without the lid on it and decided it would make a great pacifier.

If he was turning into The Incredible Hulk, I'd have to run from my house screaming and crying because I'm deathly afraid of The Hulk. I remember when I was little my brother would watch The Incredible Hulk TV show and I would cower behind the couch in fear. Sorry, little bit of a tangent there.

I think today wasn't a particularly good "mommy day" because this morning I caught him playing (actually splashing) in the toilet. If only he knew what goes on in there, I think he'd find somewhere else to play! Now if he would have discovered the fun of splashing in the toilet AFTER he turned himself green I wouldn't of had to clean up any mess!

I think my kids hate me.

2007-07-30T08:59:00.001-07:00

Really I do, I know you're thinking to yourself, "But look at how adorable those two are, they must be the most well behaved kids on the planet!" Oh you are so wrong. They are good for anybody else whose name isn't mom, mommy, ma or mama.

Justin screams, cries or a combination of both most days. While Dylan pushes Justin, hits him, yells at me, doesn't listen, screams, cries and hits Justin some more. I have about 20 minutes a day when they are well behaved for me and that's usually while they are eating. Then the minute anybody else gets home they are standing at the door with perfect posture, hands behind their backs, faces clean, big smiles on their faces with their halos on nice and tight.

I fight my way through the week knowing that reinforcements will be arriving for the weekend. I'll no longer be locked in the solitary of my house and I'll finally get out into the world of the living. Well Friday I got out of the house only for Dylan's dance class. Which really didn't count because I was still locked inside a building with screaming kids who weren't listening. Then Bryan went golfing and alas I was alone again.

Saturday we were set to go to Sam's Club, not exciting I know, but I was getting out of the house! Or so I thought, Justin was throwing a fit in the car so Bryan actually turned the car around and said he wasn't going to the store with him. So guess who gets stuck at home again ME! Bryan will get moments of behavior like that from the kids, but whenever he watches them he always tells me they were, "So good."

And whenever anybody else watches the kids for me they are perfect. Actually whenver I'm not around at all they are perfect. Either the kids hate me, or there's a giant conspiracy going on between the kids and everyone else in my life trying to make me a complete nut job by the time I'm 30!

It's offical, we've got a climber!

2007-07-26T09:59:00.000-07:00

Somehow I've made it through my entire parenting career; 2 years, 10 months, 1 week & 4 days without having experienced a climber. Today at 11 months Justin accomplished what his sister has never thought to do.

I was picking up the breakfast dishes when I heard squealing and clapping. When I turn to look I expect to see him going after his favorite target, the TV. But no I see him on top of his sister's Princess table as happy as can be. So what do I do, I grab the camera of course! You'll have to excuse the almost chopped off head and blurriness, somebody was trying to find the quickest way off the table!

It's not so bad!

2007-07-26T09:22:00.000-07:00

Normally I'm not an advocate for doing any kind of physical activity that will get my heart pumping to fast. A few weeks ago my thoughts on this changed. I was chasing Dylan around the house and got winded after about oh a minute or two, I'm not a Dr. or anything, but I have a feeling that's not good! To be honest I've gotten a little lazy over the last few year, I know shocking!

Well last week we started taking the kids and dogs for a walk/run in the park across the street. It's actually been kinda fun, don't tell anybody I said that, because I'll deny it to the bitter end. It's mostly a walk, but I've noticed I've been feeling better the last week. I'm not as tired during the day, but I still hate mornings. I don't think I'll ever be a morning person.

The best thing about this whole workout thing is I get to go buy some new running shoes and some really cute workout clothes. Any excuse to shop!

Complete and total failure

2007-07-25T09:57:00.000-07:00

I've done everything I could to avoid this day. The day my daughter becomes obsessed with "Dora the Explorer." Leave her home with Daddy for one afternoon and he just blows my entire plan to crap.

I have nothing personal against Dora, Boots, her backpack or her map with the totally unoriginal song. I just find the show a little annoying (okay a lot annoying) and I guess I get a little irritated that whenever I'm looking for a backpack for my daughter the only ones they seem to sell have Dora's face plastered all over them.

Yes I know the show is "educational," but it doesn't mean that I have to like it one bit. Oh well, I'm sure this isn't the first show she'll watch that I'll cringe every time it's on. I'll just have to live with her running around the house telling the dog and her little brother: "Swiper no swiping!"

And wouldn't you know who just happened to walk by the computer and see this picture of Dora now all I can hear is "Mommy I want to watch Dora! Dora mommy, Dora!"

Future Road Rager of America

2007-07-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

So here's what went on in the car on a recent shopping trip with my mom.

Mom: "Why are these people driving so slow?"
Me: "I don't know, it's so frustrating, maybe they're afraid they're going to damage their shiny new 1980 piece of sh*t."
Dylan: "Come on lady drive! Green means go!"

That entire day whenever we were in the car my little back seat road rager would yell at the other cars one of the following: "Come on learn drive! Go lady or go man! Faster people!"

Now I just have to teach her to flip people off from the back seat and we'll be all set! Nothing like having a 2 year old road rager. Well she does live in California, I'm just teaching her defensive driving at an early age!

Well this is new!

2007-07-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

Just when you think you've got the little terrors figured out they go and throw a monkey wrench into your smooth running operation. Justin wasn't a particularly good sleeper until very recently. He used to wake up multiple times a night, would only sleep until about 6 am and he'd take about three 30 minutes naps a day. Actually for me those didn't even qualify as a nap, they were more like a tease of the quietness I thought I'd never have again.

Well after much manipulation and plan tweaking I finally have a happy sleeper, or so I thought. Three nights ago Justin started something I've never seen before from the likes of him; a full fledged temper tantrum when I tried to put him to bed. Now this kid can throw a fit to rival the worst of the worst terrible two year old, but he's always happily gone to bed. So that night I let him cry it out, I know I'm an awful mother, but he eventually stopped (it only lasted about 15 minutes tops).

I just figured he was having an off night, so the next night when he again started freaking out I wondered what was going on. I picked him up, sang him a mean rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," and tried to plop him back into his crib. I say tried, because, suddenly the kid developed super human strength. He wrapped his legs around my waist and held onto my arms like I was about to drop him into a pit full of snakes. When I pried one of his hands loose he decided the best way to stay out of the crib was to take a firm hold onto mommy's pony tail! OUCH, I think I have a bald spot now on the side of my head! Again I let him cry himself to sleep and again I know I'm a horrible mother.

Tonight, what do you freaking know, another tantrum at bedtime. I figured maybe he didn't like last nights song so I decided on a little diddy called "A, B, C, D, Dinosaur" but he didn't like that either. Hmmm, maybe it's my singing voice? After an extra set of hugs and kisses, and telling him how much I love him, I managed to get him into bed without losing anymore hair. He did cry again, but it lasted only a few minutes this time.

Maybe the kid was challenging me to some sort of bedtime battle, who knows! Well if he was I clearly won, so sorry Justin! Final score: Mommy 3 Justin 0!

When it rains it pours...this edition: pee & puke

2007-07-18T13:24:00.001-07:00

Okay really it's not as gross as the title sounds, well unless you're me, then it's pretty freaking disgusting.

This morning about 3 am I hear: "Mommy, o Mommy" over the baby monitor. I stumble upstairs into Dylan & Justin's room and I'm almost knocked over by a very disgusting smell. I just figure Justin pooped, so I decide I'll change him after I get Dylan taken care of.

I pick Dylan up out of her bed only to discover that she's soaking wet. Could it be sweat? My nose does a little investigating and discovers it's not sweat but pee. She's not nighttime potty trained yet so she still wears a pull-up. Now I'm not a pull-up expert, but I was under the impression that a night time pull-up meant it worked DURING THE NIGHT! Can somebody please explain to me how a kid can be covered in pee and yet the pull-up is completely dry?

So I quietly change her jammies trying not to awaken the beast in other bed. Once she's changed I take her down stairs to my bed and then go back up to deal with the poop extravaganza. I bring a flashlight with me to sneak a peak into his diaper, hey I didn't want to wake the kid up by turning on the light. To my surprise there's not a single pebble of poop in his diaper. I'm stumped, what could that disgusting smell possibly be?

At that exact moment Justin lifts his head, looks at me and smiles. I reach down onto his blanket to grab his pacifier for him, only to discover that it wasn't his pacifier, but a pile of VOMIT! I'm not talking about cute little baby spit up, I'm talking chunks here people! I soon discover there are little landmines of puke throughout his crib. So I began the thankless mommy task of cleaning up his puke while trying to not talk or play with him. I know I can't take him out of his crib to change the sheets, because if I do that will be the point of no return, and he'll never go back to sleep. So after I cleaned him up I laid his comforter down on top of the dirty sheet and then laid him down to go back to sleep.

Oh I can hear you judging me. How could she not change his sheet? Why didn't she bring him into her bed? I'll tell you why! First, I couldn't change his sheets because he would have been wide awake wanting to play. So are any of you willing to come over and play with him at 3 am while I sleep? Didn't think so. Second, Dylan was already in our bed. The last time all four of us slept in our bed it went a little something like this. I was hanging onto the edge of the bed for dear life by my toes and finger nails, and Bryan was smashed up against the wall like a squished bug on a windshield! All the while my precious babies snoozed away in the middle of the bed.

This morning I really got to survey the damage. You think puke is disgusting at 3 am, it doesn't get any prettier by the time morning rolls around!

Has anybody seen my dignity?

2007-07-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I left it at checkout lane #2 in Target. So if anybody happens by there and sees my dignity lying there trampled over, would you please pick it up and mail it to me. Oh to hell with it, you can just keep it.

Tonight I went to go to Target because there are a few things I needed to pick up for Justin's Birthday invitations. Plus I'll take any excuse to go to Target. Bryan's working late so I brought my mom with me, you know, safety in numbers. With two of us watching the kids we can play man-to-man defense rather than zone (I have to say thank you to Uncle F for the most brilliant sports/parenting analogy I've ever heard in my entire life). Yeah so much for that idea.

We should have turned around 2 seconds after we pulled out of the driveway because that's when the first of Justin's many tantrums began. I figured he wanted out of the car and he'd be fine once we were at Target...nope and nope. He was having such a fit in the store I took him out of the cart and held him, but he still kept crying. No not crying, screaming! I don't know what his problem was. It could have been a number of things: teething, tired, terrible twos (even though he's not even 1 yet) or he's just a crybaby mama's boy.

Now it wouldn't be so bad if he was the only one acting up, but Dylan was a NIGHTMARE! She's usually so well behaved, I don't know what happened to her. She was running around the store almost getting knocked out by shopping carts. She was running through all the aisles touching everything and telling me "Wait a minute I looking at this." I was trying to find something and she decided it was the perfect time to start playing red light green light. When we didn't stop for the red light she started screaming at us in the middle of the aisle!

The coup de grace of the night was standing in line to checkout. I asked my mom to take Justin to the car since he was still crying. I was trying to pay for my 3 measly items and Dylan decided that was the perfect time to practice her shopping cart driving abilities! Well she needs to work on that a little because she nearly ran over the lady standing behind me in line! Yes ladies and gentleman tonight I was "that mom" with "those kids."

I must be a glutton for punishment though because after Target I still went over to Michaels to get the things I couldn't find at Target!