Saturday, December 31, 2011

What I Learned in 2011

On this New Year's Eve I find myself reflecting on all the wonderful things I have learned this fine year.

1. I will never be part of the "Cool Mom Club" at the school and I'm actually okay with that. I'm proud of the fact that I like to bargain shop, that I drop the kids off at school and pick them up without putting makeup on (oh the horror). I talk about how my kids aren't perfect and how I'm not the perfect mom (double horror).

2. Turns out I am one crafty bitch and a damn fine cook. I've taught myself how to crochet, taken on a few home improvement projects/crafts and been baking and cooking up a storm. Sure my scarfs turn out a little lopsided and the hat I crocheted for Dylan ended up being way too big, but I did it. On the day I made my tree coat rack, I also baked banana bread and made meatloaf for dinner. Suck on that Martha Stewart.

3. After about 3 years of complete denial, I've accepted the fact I will never look like my children. I'm just not destined to be a blonde. I will happily remain a brunette from now on...dark ash brown to be exact. I've had to hear, "Oh they look nothing like you" for the last 5 plus years, guess I better get used to it.

4. Through the magical powers of You Tube I have taught myself how to do a lot of things (like dye my own hair, crochet a hat and a few other things). In fact I'm going to write my memoirs and I'm going to title them "Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned on You Tube." If I ever need to perform open heart surgery on an alligator you bet your ass I'm going to You Tube that first.

5. Being healthy and exercising isn't really all that bad. To be perfectly honest, this theory is only about a week in the making. I figured I'd start my resolution early this year. Amazingly enough I haven't died yet after running so that equals a win in my book.

6. I am completely and totally 100% obsessed with zombies.

7. Being an Aunt is so wonderful! I love my little nephew so much and I can't wait for the rest of my family to give me more babies! This woman has closed up her baby making shop for good.

8. The biggest shock for me was that I'm actually okay with not having any more kids. I mean come on, having another kid would probably push me completely into the pits of insanity. Although if Alexander Skarsgard ever offered, I'd open the shop right back up.

9. I used to vow up and down that, "I Will never get a Kindle. What's the point? You can't hold the book, keep it on your bookshelf, it's just not the same." Well I got a Kindle for my birthday this year (thanks Mom) and it changed my life. I admit here and now that I was WRONG! I love my Kindle and I can't imagine my life without it. I'm pretty sure Bryan is glad the book hording has ebbed, at least for the time being.

10. I have an identity other than Mrs. Jenni. I spent so much of my life as a teacher, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stay home. That I wouldn't know what to do, I'd be bored or I'd scar my kids for life. Turns out, it's the best job I've ever had.

Happy New Year everyone. Bring on 2012 and the zombie apocalypse!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Diarrhea of the Brain

It's been a little bit since I last posted, so please bear with me while I purge the contents of my brain.

~15 days ago I found my first gray hair. I'll be damned if I was going to let that bastard continue to take up residence on my lovely head, so I plucked it. Then, I went and hunted down my children, waved the hair in their face and told them they were turning me into an old lady. I do feel that there is something cosmically wrong if I'm getting gray hair and yet, I still get acne. One or the other universe, one or the other.

~The same night as the gray hair disaster we decorated our Christmas Tree. We had a great time. We listened to music, the kids had hot chocolate and I of course had wine. Then, we decided to let the dogs in. Dexter, for whatever reason, decided to run under the tree and wreak havoc. We all stood in horror as the whole thing crashed to the ground. Broken ornaments were everywhere and two kids were screaming and crying, "This is the worst Christmas ever!" They even put Dexter on the naughty list.

~Two days before we were set to take pictures for our Christmas card Dylan got kicked in the eye at school. For whatever reason she was standing in front of the swings, not paying attention and BAM! A shiner that lasted a week. Luckily I had a brain storm while in the shower (where all the best ideas are hatched) and came up with an amazing card idea.

~I can't wait for Christmas to be over. I'm so sick of all of the idiots that are out and about. They drive like morons, are totally oblivious to everyone else in stores and they are total assholes to the retail clerks for no reason. If I see one more cart parked drunkenly in the middle of an aisle, while some jackass is looking at the shelf, I'm going to take a running start and slam right into their cart then just keep on walking.

~Justin had his Christmas Program the other night, he was not a fan. He sure looked adorable though.

~In closing, I have to actually give myself a compliment for once. I know, it's very rare and I don't expect it to happen again for awhile. I have found that I am actually very crafty. I saw a towel rack on Pinterest and decided I was going to create a key/coat rack by my front door. It took a lot longer than I thought it would.

The morning after I drew and then traced the tree the neighbor boy, who always comes to bum a ride, insulted my tree, "It looks crooked." Little jerk. Next came the taping followed by painting of said tree.

The finished product!

I've also been baking and cooking up a storm. I think my body has been taken over by Pod People.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Christmas. Cheers!