Friday, June 29, 2007


So yesterday afternoon I think I aged 10 years in the span of 7 seconds. I was making lunch for all of us and the kids were playing happily in their playroom, or so I thought. I heard Dylan laughing and talking to herself and assumed she was talking to Justin. Still I went to check it out.

I go out the the playroom to find only Dylan, Justin isn't anywhere around; "Where's Justin?"
"He's over there, tlimbing."

Climbing, I thought to myself and turned around to see my 10 month old little stunt man half way up the stairs. "Oh sh*t Justin!" I yelled, as he turned to me and started waving and laughing like a lunatic!

It is with this event that I respectfully decline my nomination for the Mother of the Year Award.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Newest craze in double strollers

I always used to wonder why manufactures put certain labels on products. Do they just think this planet is crawling with morons or what? For example; "never let a child play with plastic bags", "caution the beverage you're about to consume could be very hot" and the inspiration for my tale: strollers with the "basket" underneath for storage the label says "Never place a child inside the basket."

The first time I saw that, I thought well no s**t! I may not have any kids yet, but even I could figure that one out!

I will no longer question why manufacturers put labels on things. The other day I actually saw a woman pushing a stroller with one kid in the seat and a four year old stuffed into the basket. And let me just say that kid looked PISSED! He was sitting in it, just like it was another seat, his legs all wadded up in the basket. Maybe she's onto something though *rolls eyes*, she was probably looking at me pushing my double stroller and thinking "Sucker."

Monday, June 25, 2007


...get this dog an instruction manual. I'm pretty sure that's not the correct way to use that thing!

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Thursday, June 21, 2007


Dearest neighbor-

Just so you know the painted red curbs in our neighborhood don't mean, "Go ahead and park your truck in front of me whenever you feel like it." It means "NO PARKING UNLESS YOU'RE A FIRETRUCK AND THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS ON FIRE!"

Our streets are very narrow (as you may have noticed seeing as how you live here also) because our house were built on condo lots. There's not enough room for every Tom, Dick and Harry who live here to park their cars on the street (hence the red curbs jackass). Since you live directly across from me, when you decide to park your car in front of your house, it makes it IMPOSSIBLE for me to get out of my garage!

So darling neighbor, please stop parking in the street. Or next time I'm trying to back out of my garage, instead of taking 3 times to: back up-straighten-back up-straighten-drive off, I'm just going to back right into your piece of s**t truck.

Thanks and have a nice day!

My little Soap Opera queen

What do you think is the first sign you watch too many Soap Operas? How about when your 2 year old can sing the theme to Passions?

Yeah I said it, I watch that wacky show Passions. So what if it's the lowest rated Soap Opera, I just love all the crazy crap that happens on that show.

My husband was home from lunch one day and I had the TV on Passions. I don't always get to sit down and watch it, but if it's on and I'm busy I'll have it on just for background noise. So when they start playing the theme song, Dylan starts belting out every other word at the top of her lungs.

"Well I guess I know what mommy does all day long."

Sorry ladies I guess the secret is out. I blew our cover about having to take care of the kids, do house work and all the other crap SHAM's are doing. Now all our husbands are going to know we sit around and watch Soaps all day!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I never thought it would still hurt so much

Two years ago today official marks the worst day of my life, the day my mother in law lost her battle with cancer.

Ann was more than a mother in law to me, she was actually like a second mother. We were so close, closer than I'd ever thought I'd be with my MIL. I even worked for her for three years!

When I was 4 months pregnant with Dylan we found out that she had colon cancer. In the beginning we didn't know how bad it was, so our hopes were still high. The day after her diagnosis we found out it was at least stage 2 (which meant it had spread outside her colon, but not to her lymph nodes yet). The next day however we got news that would shatter out lives forever.

The cancer had spread to her liver, which meant stage 4. She went in for surgery right away to remove what tumors they could and to get an idea of exactly how bad it was. The spots on her liver were smaller than they had originally thought, but they were to deep to remove. They told us though they could shrink the spots with chemo.

I just remember thinking, this can't be happening. I'm pregnant with my first child, Ann's first grand baby. She's only 48 years old, she can't have cancer! The treatments helped and didn't help. It seemed like every time she'd have a scan that said the tumors were shrinking or there wasn't any growth, the next scan would show growth.

The day Dylan was born such a bitter sweet day. I remember looking at Ann holding Dylan and thinking, there's no way she's going to die. Dylan needs her, we all need her. Our family wouldn't be the same without her.

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That same morning; September 14, 2004, she had a doctors appointment to discuss her progress. She called Bryan after the appointment and told him horrible news. If the tumors didn't start shrinking more she'd be dead within 6 months to 1 year. I went from being elated at the birth of my daughter, to heart broken and then to angry. I was so angry with her for telling us this on the day our daughter was born. I thought that Bryan would not see this day as a happy one anymore.

So the days, weeks and months went by. As the treatments became more and more aggressive her hair began to fall out, she lost tons of weight and she just didn't have the energy she once did. In the beginning of June 2005 we'd got the news we never thought we'd actually hear.

After a visit with her oncologist, Ann was told she only had 2 weeks to a month left. We were all so devastated. Everyone left work; Bryan, his 2 brothers, his sister and me. We all converged at the house that had always been so full of laughter and love. We couldn't believe what was happening. Right after the final diagnosis family started flying out from all over so they could say their goodbyes. Ann seemed to get better after a few days she was even eating again! It didn't last long however.

Bryan's step dad called on Sunday the 19th (which was actually Father's Day that year) and said we should come over and say goodbye. I remember thinking, how am I supposed to say goodbye? My husband went upstairs first and when he came back down I could see the tears. This was bad, if Bryan's crying, it's bad.

I went upstairs and laid on the bed next to her. She never opened her eyes but she knew I was there. I didn't know how even begin to say goodbye, all I could think about was all the people she was leaving behind. Finally I said my goodbyes and kissed her on the head. That would be the last time I would see her alive.

Early in the morning on June 20, 2005 Ann passed away. Bryan went over to the house, but I stayed behind with Dylan. I just snuggled up with her in bed crying, thinking about how unfair life/God can be. As I started drifting off to sleep something incredible happened. I was laying on my side and I felt pressure on my eyebrow and it moved a little. It's hard to explain, but I know that it was Ann coming to kiss me goodbye.

I've never been a very religious person, but I am spiritual. I believe in God and Jesus and I hope that there is something more for us when we die. But having Ann come and say goodbye to me gave me such a sense of peace that, to this day I still can't explain.

I thought after two years it wouldn't hurt as much, but it does. Does the hurt ever go away? I see Dylan & Justin and think of all that she's missing out on. She's not just missing out on her grand kids, she has three other children besides Bryan. She'll never see them get married, have kids of there own and all the other milestones of their life.

I love you and miss you so much Ann, we all do.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

A dream come true!

I don't know what I did to deserve this, but whatever it was THANK YOU!

Both Dylan & Justin are sound asleep right now. I can't remember the last time they both took a nap at the same time! I can't remember the last time Dylan even took a nap!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!


I hate spiders, they are the most disgusting of all disgusting things in this world!

Yesterday, after I got out of the shower I walked into my room, got dressed and then went to put my towel back in the bathroom. When suddenly I found myself in the middle of a wild west show down, spider style. The thing was the size of a quarter (including the legs) and it was sitting there right in the middle of my doorway! I know there's no way I just happened to step right over the thing. I'll bet that creepy little bastard ambushed me. He waited until I walked past and crept out from behind the door and planted his spider ass right smack in the way. So I grabbed a shoe, my husbands shoe of course, (come on I'm not going to use my shoes to squash a spider) and beat that thing to death.

Score: Jenni 1, Spiders 0!
The game wasn't over yet however. Later in the afternoon I was cleaning up the dishes from lunch. I was setting the dishes aside that needed to be washed by hand and as I went to grab a bottle my hand nearly touched another big creepy spider. I think it was squashed spiders cousin and he was here to take revenge on me! So I grabbed a spatula and whacked his ass and washed him down the drain. For good measure I turned the garbage disposal on, just to make sure!

Final score: Jenni 2, Spiders: 0

Monday, June 18, 2007

Bad Wife!

Okay it's official, I'm the worst wife in the world. I totally forgot that yesterday was Father's Day!

Maybe it was the 5 hours of sleep I got for the whole weekend, or the hangover, depression over the amount of money we lost to the casinos or perhaps it was a combination of all the above. Whatever the cause, Bryan and I were getting ready to leave the hotel yesterday and when we got off the elevator he said to me: "So I guess I'll just go ahead and wish myself a Happy Father's Day then."

I almost died! I couldn't believe I had forgotten it was Father's Day. I'm sure I would have eventually remembered (I think). He was laughing and said the only reason he remembered was because he'd heard another person tell somebody Happy Father's Day. All day he kept teasing me about it, but I just felt so bad!

I still feel awful, because if the situation was reversed, and he'd forgotten Mother's Day I'd be on here venting about how big of an a** he was for forgetting Mother's Day. Now forever I'm going to be known as the a** who forgot it was Father's Day!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Father's Day

It's a tough job to be a dad in the SoCalHouse! Happy Father's Day to my hubby! I couldn't do it without you! I love you!

"Talented" Driver

Until yesterday I'd only heard of this phenomenon, I'd never actually seen this with my own eyes. I saw a man who was so good at driving he'd decided to add an element of excitement and danger to his drive, he was shaving!

Now I've seen people doing many "talented" things while driving: putting on makeup, reading, changing their clothes and so much more. Shaving and driving however, that's something new. Now it was an electric razor, so the danger to his face wasn't there, just the danger to those of us on the road. If this "talented" driver really wants to impress me go ahead and bust out your ever day razor and lets see what your face looks like at the end of your trip. If you can make it to your destination with your face and fellow commuters all in tact, then my dear sir you have real driving "talent".

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Vegas here we come...again!

Going to Vegas again this weekend, we were just there a little over a month ago, yet here we go again. We are going for a dual bachelor/bachelorette party. I can't wait, in all my exciting 27 (nearly 28) years I've never been to Vegas for a bachelorette party. Although I don't know if I'm up for a whole weekend of partying, I'm getting to old to drink and stay out all night like I used to in college. I mean come on my bed time is like 10pm

After this week of non-stop screaming because of Justin's teething, (which he still doesn't have any freaking teeth ARGH) I can really use this weekend. The kids will be in grandma's very capable hands and hopefully they are good for her otherwise this may be the last weekend we get away for a very long time.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

It wasn't so bad!

So yesterday was a day that I've been dreading for a very long time...Dylan's first trip to the dentist. I'd put it off as long as possible because I could just imagine all the screaming, yelling, crying, running, hiding and shouting that was going to take place.

Finally the big day arrived. Daddy praticed dentist with her yesterday morning before he left for work. All day we talked about how she was going to go to the dentist and the man was going to look at her teeth, and if she was good they'd give her a new toothbrush. The whole time I just kept thinking, "There's no way in hell she's going to let some strange man look at her teeth."

We get to the office and my pulse is racing and I'm just a bundle of nerves. Dylan however is oblivious of my nervousness and is enjoying playing in the toddler loft. Finally she's called to the back and the tech says, "Come sit in the chair so I can take some pictures of your teeth."

"No," Dylan yells as she starts backing out the door. And so the nightmare begins I tell myself.
"Do you want to sit in mommy's lap?"
"NO," Dylan yells louder this time.
"I'll give you a special prize." Says the tech.

Presto those were the magic words. Dylan jumped into my lap and let her take x-rays of her teeth. I'm shocked because those pieces of paper (or whatever they are) hurt my mouth. I could see the pain on her face as she clenched her mouth closed, but she was my tough girl.

She even let them clean her teeth and poke and prod in her mouth. The dentist told me she was so shocked. "You're daughter is only one of about 5% of 2 year olds that we get to do anything with when they come here. We're lucky if we even get to get a quick look in their mouths at this age."

So instead of being totally embarrassed, my heart was swelling with pride at how brave and well behaved she was. Hell I'd be good for the dentist and maybe even look forward to going if I always got prizes, stickers and a new toothbrush when I went.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Teething Sucks!

Okay teething gods, what did Justin ever do to you? Here is my 10 month old little boy who has ZERO teeth and the last few days has been so miserable, because of what I can only assume is teething. There are many times in the past few months I thought he was finally getting teeth, but after days of crying (mostly from me) not one single little tooth would appear.

Today he was up at 5:45am miserable and screaming. I didn't even realize that anytime before 6am existed on my clock! My mind is so foggy there's nothing I can do to clear it up. I have the darkest cirlces under my eyes it looks like I went 10 rounds in the ring vs. Mike Tyson. My eyes are so dry and gritty it feels like the entire San Diego shore line has taken up residence inside my eyelids. There isn't enough coffee on the planet to get me through today!

Enough about my pain and suffering, back to Justin's. The last few days have been torture for my little man. He doesn't want to play, doesn't want to eat, he really doesn't want to do anything except hang onto my leg.

All I have to say is he better finally get some teeth out of this, or hear me teething gods, you will feel my wrath. Trust me you don't want to mess with me when I haven't had enough sleep or coffee!

Monday, June 11, 2007

You would think it's funny...

But in reality it's not. There's something about hearing your two year old say, "Daddy you're an a** hole" that suddenly makes you realize maybe it's time to invest in that swear jar after all.

Don't Blink

Seriously where has the time gone? A month ago I swear I was 9 months pregnant with Justin complaining about how miserable I was:

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Two weeks ago I swear I was holding him in my arms for the first time:

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A few days ago I swear he just started sleeping through the night, okay well that actually did just start happening a few days ago.

When I was pregnant I used to get a slew of unsolicited advice from well meaning friends and strangers. I can't tell you how many people used to tell me, "Enjoy it, they grow up way to fast." I remember smiling politely while in my head rolling my eyes and thinking, "Sure time just flies." I put that high on the worthless advice list, right up there with my favorite piece of advice from my FIL, "When they fall down don't react. They only cry because you react when they fall down." Oh really so my kid smacking their head on the coffee table warrants a, "Shake it off kid." Or how about when they fall and cut their knee open we just take them out back and rub some dirt in it. Sorry for the mini tangent there.

Last week I was having a serious case of baby fever and I've now attributed that to the fact my babies are growing up. Justin turned 10 months yesterday. Long gone are his helpless, laying there like a big blob, baby days. Within the span of three days last week Justin pulled himself up, took a couple of steps while cruising along the couch and took two steps from the couch to the coffee table. It hit me like a ton of dirty diapers, my baby is no longer a baby.

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Soon he's going to be chasing his sister around the house driving her insane. This moment is bittersweet for me. For years I've dreamed of watching my kids run around the house playing together wreaking havoc wherever they go. With this dream now on the brink of being reached, I've realized that it means a farewell to babies in my household.

If any members of my family read this post you better get started on making some nieces and nephews for me, like YESTERDAY!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

What is my dream trying to tell me?

Last night I dreamed that I was pregnant again. I just had this feeling, I took a test and it came out positive. I told my husband and we went to see Dr. S and he was getting ready to do the sonogram and the damn alarm went off.

My dreams are always very dream like: weird colors, I have some sort of super human strength or can run really fast, people are always distorted in some way or I can't make out faces. This dream was different, it seemed as if it was actually happening. Sure it jumped around a bit, but nothing strange or out of the ordinary was happening, I mean even my husbands face looked normal. It was so real that when the alarm woke me up I touched my stomach and actually thought for a moment that I was pregnant again. Then I realized that it was just a dream and I got a little sad.

Why though, I keep asking myself. My husband and I have talked over and over about whether or not to have another baby. "We have our perfect pair, a boy and a girl," he's told me whenever I've toyed with the idea in the past. In fact recently we had a long talk about it and decided that we are done having kids and I was okay with it. I don't know why this dream has me so upset, I just can't shake it. Maybe it's because Justin is almost 10 months now and I feel like he's not my baby anymore, maybe I'm hormonal who the hell knows.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Long Live the Dukes!

So it just so happens I am a closeted Dukes of Hazzard fan. Okay, I guess I'm not really closeted, anyways I've been a huge fan of the show since I was a wee one. My brother and I used to watch the show all the time growing up and when it went off the air in the US we were heartbroken. My Dad was stationed in Okinawa so he'd tape the show and ship it to us so we could still watch it. My brother and I had all the cars: The General Lee, Daisy's Jeep, Boss Hogg's car and Roscoe P. Coltrane's Police Cruiser. My Mom drew Hazzard County on a sheet and we used to play Dukes. I always had to by Daisy Duke of course. On a side note my mom is pissed to this day about those rugs that now have roads and houses for kids to play with their cars on. She says she should be rich!

When I was in high school I came home one day after school and discovered they were playing reruns on CMT. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I know I'm such a nerd, I'll be the first to admit it. I somehow even managed to convert some of my friends into Dukes followers.
A few years ago for Christmas my husband got me the first season of The Dukes of Hazzard on DVD and at that moment I knew I'd married Mr. Right. Up until about 6 months ago I even had the theme song as my ringer on my cell phone. I'm just making myself sound so cool right now!

Okay so about two months ago I told my husband that before I die I want to go to Dukesfest. I'm actually compiling a list of places I want to go/see before I die, more on that subject in another post. Dukesfest is pretty much just a huge Dukes of Hazzard convention. Well my hubby pretty much just laughed at me, rolled his eyes and told me I was nuts. I think he's in denial about how huge of a Dukes Nerd I am. I told my mom too and she laughed, but she took me a little more seriously. So my Mom comes home from work today and says she has a surprise for me.
This woman my mom works with, "D", her boyfriend "R", is a Hollywood stuntman. Well it just so happens my Mom was telling her how big of a Dukes fan I am. She told my Mom that her boyfriend was going to be at Dukesfest driving the cars and such. So my Mom shows up today with some Dukes goodies for me! I was so surprised and thrilled beyond belief! When I told my hubby he said "Yeah I already knew, your Mom told me 3 weeks ago he was going to get some stuff for you." Then he asked "How much can we get for that stuff if we put it on EBay?"

Thank you R, you've made me one very happy Dukes fan!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007


So evidentially I'm not as computer savvy as I first thought. I planned on doing this post last week, but I finally figured out how to post multiple photos in my blog after many repeated failed attempts:

We took the kids to the beach and you couldn't pay Dylan to step foot in the water. She was just fine playing in the sand:
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Justin on the other hand loved everything, the sand:
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and the water:
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Checking out the flowers she planted with grandma:
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and still checking:
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A very rare nap:
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Fresh from her nap, it's now time to water the flowers:
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My little drool monster:
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Reading time:
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and so it begins:
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Monday, June 4, 2007

These Things Should Come With a Warning Label...oh Wait, They Do!

Some of us, myself included, think we are above the "label law." We think the warning on the side of a package is merely a suggestion, that nothing bad can come from breaking a "label law." I'm here today to tell you that is not the case!

A few months ago Dylan wanted fish sticks for lunch. I was in a particularly lazy mood that day, so I looked at the back of the package to see how long to microwave them. I looked, but I couldn't find the microwave instructions, then I saw in big bold type: "MICROWAVING NOT RECOMMENDED!" As I said I was lazy and Dylan wanted lunch 5 minutes ago, so I popped those suckers into the microwave. I set the time and went to help my hubby move a couch in the basement while the fish sticks cooked.

A few minutes later I went back upstairs to see white smoke shooting out of the back of my microwave. I threw the door open and there were the sticks, shrunk to half their original size and so burnt it looked like I'd pulled them out of the bottom of a fire pit. When they'd finally cooled off I scrapped them off the plate and threw them into the garbage. When they hit the edge of the garbage they made a hollow thud sound because all of the fish meat (if that's what you want to call it) had disintegrated.

After the fish stick incident it stunk like burnt fish for two solid days. On top of that every time I used my microwave for the next two weeks, the smell of burning fish stick would waft through my house! I'm pretty sure this is the reason Dylan will no longer come within 2 feet of a fish stick.

So my friends please don't just read, follow those warning labels. Otherwise you may find yourself in your very own fish sticks of fire incident!

Saturday, June 2, 2007

You Can't Get Much Lazier Than This!

My husband showed me this photo from one of his favorite websites and I just had to share with the rest of you!

I wish I could have seen this!

So my husband was at the store this morning and he told about something that happened that I just think is hilarious.

While he was in the check-out line there was a grumpy older gentleman in front of him. At this particular store when you pay cash and you get change, your coin change gets spit out from this little device instead of the cashier actually giving it to you.
So when the cashier said, "Four dollars is your change."
The old man spat back, "Where's my fifty cents?"
My hubby said the cashier just pointed to the change and didn't say anything, and the man grabbed his money and stormed off.
Then on his way out he grabbed a free apartment guide and when he went out the door the security alarm went off and he yelled, "What you're telling me these things aren't free?!"
The clerk just looked at the man, shook his head and said "You're fine."

I can just imagine the look on that man's face when the security alarm went off. When my husband first told me I couldn't stop laughing, that could be because I didn't have enough sleep last night however.

Friday, June 1, 2007

What's in a Name?

Borrowed from Table for Five and Chocolate Party

J~People adore you
E~You are easy to fall in love with
N~You like to drink
N~You like to drink
I~You are GREAT in bed

So I'm going to try and not let my ego get in the way here but it seems like I'm adored the world over and I've got a sea of people madly in love with me. Well that's no surprise because I'm GREAT in bed! Now since I've got two N's in my name does that mean I really like to drink LOL!

A : You like to drink.
B : You like people.
C : You are really silly.
D : You like to drink.
E: You are easy to fall in love with.
F : You are dead sexy.
G : You never let people tell you what to do.
H : You have very good personality and good looks.
I : You are GREAT in bed.
J : People adore you.
K : You’re wild and crazy.
L: Everyone loves you.
M : Best kisser ever.
N: You like to drink.
O: Awesome kisser.
P : You are popular with all types of people.
Q : You are a hypocrite.
R : Easy to fall in love with.
S : Fuckin crazy.
T : You’re loyal to those you love.
U : You really like to chill.
V : You are not judgemental.
W : You are very broad minded.
X : You never let people tell you what to do.
Y: Best bf/gf anyone could ask for.
Z : You are Always ready