Sunday, March 27, 2011

A Low Point

Tonight I feel as if I've sunk to a new low. I feel I have always been very real and honest to people about how I feel about motherhood.

While I love my kids more than anything there are days, today being one of them, that I wonder what I got myself into. I can't stand people who act like being a parent and having kids is the most wonderful precious thing ever. What pisses me off even more is when they act as if parenthood is all rainbows, unicorns and rays of beautiful sunshine everyday. I'm here to tell you all it's not! Parenting at times is completely hellish!

Does that make me evil, ehh I really don't give a flying fuck right now. We have been having serious issues with Justin lately. He has so much anger and rage lately it's really starting to scare me.

It started a few weeks ago with him just screaming, yelling and stopping his feet when he'd get mad. Then it progressed to tantrums, bad ones. Now it's progressed to him actually acting on his anger. Last week he put a hole in one of our closet doors with a play hockey stick. He said it happened because one of Dylan's friends (who was at the house at the time) was being mean to him and kept annoying him. So he got mad and wanted to hit something.

He's also been talking to me in this tone that I'm just not okay with. Demanding things of me and then screaming and yelling at me if I don't do it. He's even started doing it with Dylan too.

Now I know you're sitting there thinking to yourself how bad can this be coming from a 4 year old. Well let me tell you, it's bad. I'm seeing an extremely controlling alpha male in the making here if we can't help him get this under control.

All weekend it was him screaming and yelling at Dylan and me. Now I don't want you to think I just sate idly by while he went exorcist on me. Oh no, mommy don't play that!

What's worrying me is that whatever punishment we doled out to him, didn't phase him in the least. So tonight as I put him to bed, in the midst of yet another tantrum, I had to go scared straight on him. I pulled the military school card on him.

I told him if he couldn't get himself and his anger under control then I was going to send him away to school. I can hear the groans going up across the bloggersphere as I type this.

I went through all the horrors of military school for a kid. No mommy, no daddy, no tv and you know the list goes on and on. Call me a bad mom for playing on my child's fear of abandonment, at this point I don't give a shit. I'm a mom at the end of my rope and I'm afraid if I can't help him now I'm only going to fail him.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

T-Minus 5 Months

Today I registered my baby boy for kindergarten. I was WAY more emotional than I thought I would be. My friend Brenda told me I was going to cry, "I know you Jenni, you're going to cry." Damn her, she was pretty close to being right. I did have to fight back a few tears, but I maintained my composure pretty well (I think).

It's so hard for me to cope with the fact that my kids are growing up. It still seems to me like only a few months ago I held them for the first time. Just weeks ago I watched their first time rolling over, scooting, crawling, first steps and heard their first words. Just yesterday I was wiping away their tears. Oh wait, that probably was yesterday. I'm sure one, if not both of them, threw some sort of tantrum yesterday.

I stood in the Elementary School's office today just bewildered, wondering how time had slipped by so quickly. There is NO WAY, my baby is old enough to be going to kindergarten in five months! In fact on August 10, 2011, Justin's 5th birthday, he will be starting kindergarten. 5 years to the day after this:

He will officially be a "big boy." Excuse me while I wipe my tears and go steal a kiss from my sleeping babes.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Proud Mama

I opened my email today and noticed I had received one from Dylan's first grade teacher. This is what it said:

I just wanted to let you know that I've chosen Dylan to be my Student of the week for this week. I know she was already honored as Student of the Month earlier in the year, but she continues to do such a great job and she really deserves to be recognized again. It's supposed to be a surprise, so please don't tell Dylan, but I wanted to let you know in advance in case someone from your family was able to come to our flag assembly this Friday morning and wanted to bring a camera. Congratulations on raising such a remarkable little girl!

Mrs. S

My eyes welled up with tears. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of my little girl. Of course I think she's amazing, but to hear somebody else (who doesn't have to say those things) have such praise for her melts my heart.

My heart grew three sizes today. I'm so proud of this girl:

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Simple Saturday

A simply beautiful, wonderful and blissful Saturday with the two loves of my life.

We started off our day with a trek to the park. We first conquered our fear of heights:

One decided his fear was too great to conquer on this day.

Excavation time.

Time for more climbing. This time on a smaller scale.

Can't spell park without s-w-i-n-g!

Talk to me baby.

After a lunch break and some errand running, it was time to visit our favorite Temecula hot spot...the good old duck pond.

These are my favorite ducks there. They make a whistling type sound rather than quack.

Duck versus turtle. Who will be king of the rock?

Our ducks wear wigs.

After we had our fill of ducks (in other words we ran out of stale hot dog buns), we were off for some frozen yogurt.

It was a reward for Dylan doing so great on her report card. She definitely did not get her academic mind from me, I hated school growing up.

She's going to cause so much trouble with those blue eyes of hers.

This yogurt gets two thumbs up!

Tomorrow I'm off to a baby shower for my sister in law. While folding up the tiny baby clothes I found myself smiling and remembering the days when my two monsters were that small.

I also got excited when I signed Auntie Jenni to the gift. I'm so excited that I finally am going to be an Aunt!

How this very tired mom is going to wrap up her Saturday night. The Iron Man helmet can wait until tomorrow.