Tuesday, October 2, 2007

My hubby Bryan aka Vanilla Ice

Tonight Dylan was throwing a little bit of a fit and I was trying to get her to calm down. The following is what you would of heard if you were a fly on the wall in the Pastor household:

Me: "Dylan you need to listed to me. Stop and listen."
Dylan: "No I want to go see Auntie Manda!"
Me: "Dylan, stop and listen."
Dylan: "No momma, I want to eat with Auntie Manda!"
Me (almost at my breaking point now): "Stop and listen."
Bryan: "No Dylan, you need to collaborate and then listen."

Thank you, I didn't know Vanilla Ice was in the house.

What could I do after he said that but laugh hysterically, yep that's my hubby.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Roughing it.

This past weekend we packed up the kids, our lovely mutt Chloe (bear protection) and headed off to a cabin in Idyllwild, California. Okay so technically it wasn't camping. I'm sorry but I need a flushing toilet, shelter from bears, coyotes and forest monsters. I was in a cabin, in the woods and not in my bed, so for me that is camping.
We really didn't do anything too exciting, and the days seemed to drag on and on because there wasn't a damn thing to do in that town. But that made it really nice. Bryan kept trying to tell me the cabin was haunted. "Just wait until we look at the pictures from this weekend and we see orbs in all the photos." This little statement was great food for thought when I was awakened by the sound of Justin chatting away early Saturday morning. I woke up and saw him sitting up, looking at the wall and having a conversation. YIKES, freaky kid!

The kids were so good, I couldn't believe it. I almost thought for a minute that we had mixed the kids up with their doppelgangers when we stopped for gas. They ate all their food, didn't fight and they even listened! Except for Justin's early morning hour antics (he kept me up from 1 am until almost 4 on Sunday morning) they were perfect. I swear as soon as we were down the mountain they were back to their normal selves.

As if being in the woods all weekend without sleep wasn't enough torture for me, I decided to take Dylan to Chuck E. Cheese for a friend's birthday party. That was the longest two hours of the entire weekend.

After my long weekend "camping" I want to be right there in the photo at the top of the page. Resting in a hammock, in the woods, without another soul (or monster) around.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I heart Yoga!

Last night I finally made it to the Yoga class I've been waiting months to take. Since moving back to California I've been looking for a Yoga class to take, but haven't found one yet that wasn't at the ass crack of dawn.

As I mentioned in a previous post Bryan and I joined a gym and to my delight I saw they have Yoga classes. I was going to try and take one during the day, but after the last debacle with the childcare at the gym I'm pretty sure that option is out.

I've never taken Yoga in a class before,. I've done it at home in front of my TV with the help of a DVD, a then 1 year old Dylan, and Bryan laughing at me or trying to push me over. That was the last time I ever did Yoga in my house or at all for that matter.

I decided last night was the night to start my Yoga experience again. I arrived about 10 minutes early and stood outside of the class waiting. I get in class and my mini anxiety attack begins. I start looking for somebody "nice and friendly" to sit next to (a lot like I did the first day of class every year in high school). Everybody starting spreading out their mat on the floor, but I didn't know the mat etiquette for yoga. How close should I be to the person beside me? Should my mat be parallel with theirs or should I stagger it some? Oh the questions and yet not a soul to ask!

Finally I get myself situated and notice people are stretching, so I begin doing a little stretching so I at least appear to know what the hell I'm doing. The instructor walks in and she is a tiny little thing. I've been made fun of my whole life by my friends for pretty much being a stick (I've been called beanpole more times than I can count), but this girl's legs were even more stickly than mine! I figure we're going to start off slow, oh no! I was working up a sweat about 6 minutes in. And I made a comment to Bryan before leaving that Yoga was relaxing, sure it is!

Once I stopped worrying about if I was doing the poses right and remembered to breathe, it actually turned out to be a lot of fun. I don't think the gentleman next to me, who got dragged there by his wife, felt the same way. I think I counted about 10 "Oh shits" coming out of his mouth. I felt so good after class and was so proud of myself for making it an hour without passing out in the middle of class. And unlike my workout from Saturday I didn't feel completely dead after class, I felt energized. I can actually say that this is one workout I plan on sticking with. Plus it'll be nice to get away from kids and Bryan and have an hour all to myself. Well I guess myself and my fellow Yoga classmates.

Note to me for next class...next time don't stand behind the girl wearing the lose fitting shorts. Lets just say during downward dog I caught a glance of a little more than I wanted to see...ouch my eyes!

Monday, September 24, 2007

The Sweetest Thing.

I love listening to Justin's baby babble. He says a few words that others can understand, but mostly they are only words that I can understand:

aduh aduh (while pointing)=what's that?

Today while he was eating breakfast he was throwing a mini fit because he's not feeling too great. He heard Bryan coming in the house from the garage, stopped his crying, and said "Daddy" in the cutest little voice I have ever heard. It was clearly Daddy, there was no mistaking it, even Dylan heard him say it. Bryan didn't hear it, because he was half in the garage, but I saw the pride on his face when I told him that Justin clearly said "Daddy."

I think it made it even sweeter because Bryan left this morning for a couple of days, so it was a nice little send off for daddy. Now I just need to get him to clearly say "Mommy."

The Pastor Family Goes to the Gym

I'm not a huge fan of working out, never really have been. I get on workout kicks every so often, but they never last for very long. Well lately my knees, neck, back you name it has been bothering me. Bryan got an awesome deal to join a gym through his work, so we decided to join.

I was all excited to take a yoga class on Saturday morning and they have child care at the gym, so I was really thrilled because I didn't have to worry about what to do with the kids. Well the class started at 10:30 on Saturday morning and I didn't quite make it in time. So I figured I'd go ahead and drop the kids off in the childcare center, and go work out on a machine for a little bit. Give them a trial run of sorts.

I go to drop the kiddos off and the employees looked so happy to be there. *please note extreme sarcasm and eyes rolling here* One girl was holding a little boy, probably about 1 1/2, who was crying. As I'm filling out paperwork she comes up to the desk and says, "I can't take this anymore." So they page the kids mom over the intercom. This lady comes in and says, "I was told to come to the kids room." They give her attitude and say, "Your kid is crying!" While holding this little boy in front of her face. "That is not my son, that is my son over there reading a book." She says pointing to a 10 year old boy.

The workers kinda look at each other and are like, "Oh I guess we got the stickers mixed up." They used this hi-tech method of numbering the kids with stickers, they didn't have a clue of any of the kids names.

Drop off time comes. Dylan is thrilled, Justin of course starts crying. I leave and go find my first torture machine. Not even 7 minutes later this is what I hear: "Attention all club guests. Will Jennifer Pastor please report to the Kids Club." I knew they were calling about Justin, I saw how well they handled that other crying kid so I knew they wouldn't even give him a chance.

I go in there, and it made everything worse. I calmed him down, but I had paid for an hour of care for the kids, so I wasn't leaving. I went to the car to get his blanket and resumed my personal torture, I mean workout. I workout for about 15 more minutes then decided to go pick up the kiddos. Justin had cried himself to sleep and the girl was holding him (and boy did she give me a nasty look when I came back to get him) and Dylan was minding her own business reading a book.

I prepared myself for a tantrum when I told Dylan it was time to leave, but she actually was okay. I got evil glares from the workers (who by the way didn't even check my ID to make sure these kids belonged to me). Maybe I shouldn't of left Justin there, but they didn't even give him a chance to calm down after I left. Really 7 minutes isn't that long for him to cry. And he wasn't even crying that much when the paged me to come get him. If anything it made it worse calling me in and then me leaving again.

This isn't a good sign for when I go back to work. Somebody isn't going to be a happy camper!

Friday, September 21, 2007


I know, I know. So mean to take a picture of him in an hour of need, but I just couldn't resist myself. He was crying and frustrated that he was stuck, and I couldn't stop laughing. Isn't that what they invented cameras for, moments like these? I would of used the video camera but I didn't know where it was! That's right, I'm an awesome mom!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

It's going to be one of those days.

Do you ever just wake up some mornings and realize as soon as you get out of bed it's not going to be a good day?

Dylan was supposed to be watching cartoons in my bed, as she does every morning until I'm ready to drag my lazy self out of bed. Well I guess she was practicing her somersaults in my bed, because I awoke to a tiny little foot slamming into my kidney right as she came out of her somersault. Felt great, lemma tell ya!

Then we're in the living room for not even 2 minutes when Dylan and Justin start screaming at each other and fighting over toys. Come on kids, at least let me have a cup of coffee first before you start acting like demon children. Bryan called me to say hi and all he could hear was the beginnings of WWIII in our house. "No, Justin that my toy, NO JUSTIN! NO! NO! NO! GO AWAY JUSTIN YOU NOT MY BROTHER ANYMORE!"

"Geez already huh? You're going to have a long day." No freaking kidding. These kids are making my decision to go back to work easier and easier by the second.

Monday, September 10, 2007

I've lost that cool feeling.

Saturday night Bryan and I went to a movie. That's right an actual movie with a plot and no animated characters. I wanted to see 3:10 to Yuma, but Bryan didn't want to watch me drooling over Christian Bale on our date, which is understandable. So the one movie we both sort of wanted to see was Superbad. We had heard it was really funny and Seth Rogan from Knocked Up was in it and he also wrote it, so I thought we'd picked a winner.

Actually I wasn't too impressed with this movie there were a few funny parts where I laughed out loud, but I was pretty much bored through the whole thing. Bryan and I were talking about the movie and looked around at the people in our theater and we were surrounded by high school and college students. We were probably the oldest people in the theater!

On a quick side note: are you people that freaking important that you have to text message your little friends throughout the WHOLE FREAKING MOVIE?! Cut the cord all ready chick, you can text your friends in an hour and a half. Okay note over.

Some people were saying this movie was the best teen film since American Pie. I'm sorry American Pie blows this movie out of the water (it's probably better than the 3rd American Pie though). While leaving Saturday night I came to a realization about myself. The whole "Letsget drunk and see if we can get laid" plot just isn't funny to me anymore. I asked Bryan if that make us officially old and uncool. He said "No it just means we have a sophisticated sense of humor now."

Bryan: "Crap I've got a message from 'S', he wants us to come over and have some drinks."
Me: "Well what time is it?"
Bryan: "Just after 10."
Me: "Uhh (while rolling my eyes), lets just go home."

Now that makes us officially old and uncool!

Thursday, September 6, 2007

One more giant step...

...towards becoming a big girl. We've been working on Dylan putting her clothes on all by herself. She's fine putting on her underwear and her pants/shorts/skirt but putting on her shirt has been a whole different story. That is until tonight.

After dinner she went and found her shirt (she had to take it off before dinner because we had enchiladas, very messy) and suddenly she called to me, "Look at me mamma!"

I looked up from the dishes to see my daughter's cute little head poking out through her shirt. It took her about 3 minutes and I kept asking her if she wanted my help, but she insisted she could do it by herself. Finally she conquered that shirt, sure it was on inside out but who cares, she did it all by herself!

Of course we did a little happy dance afterwards to celebrate! Look out big girl world here she comes!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Please tell me she'll always love me this much.

This is what Dylan has been telling me about 10 times a day for the last week:

"Mommy you my best friend in the whole wide world."

It melts and breaks my heart at the same time. It's one of the sweetest things I've ever heard in my life and yet I know that some day she's going to utter "I hate you," from those same sweet lips.

Do they really have to grow up and turn into teenagers? Can't I just skip the teen years all together?

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

A child's guide to beating the heat

Yesterday it was unbelievably hot at my house a whopping 104 degrees. Seriously I live in SD, not the middle of Death Valley, it's not supposed to get that freaking hot! Well in all of my infinite wisdom, I decided, (uh...let hubby talk me into) taking the kids to Legoland. "It's not as hot there as it is at the house," he tells me.

So I pack up the kids for an afternoon of sweaty fun. It was actually really nice because nobody was there. Unlike me they were smart sitting inside on their butts in their nice air conditioned houses! We weren't there for long, but by the time we were done the kids were giant sweat puddles.

At home I had to finish dinner and Dylan went outside to help grandma water the flowers. I look outside to see my daughter's idea of how to cool off. She's naked except for her underwear and her rain boots, jumping in mud puddles that grandma made for her. That is one way to cool off I suppose and it sure looked like she was having a lot of fun.

I would post a picture, but I'm sure she'll hate me enough by the time she gets to be a teen. I don't need her finding out about me posting pics of her on the Internet in her underwear when she was little...don't want to give her any future ammunition.

Big Boy

Today I took Justin for his 1 year checkup, I'm only three weeks late no biggie. So the numbers are in and then is how he looks at 1 year (and 3 weeks old):

~His weight today, 23 lbs. 14 oz at birth he weighed 7 lbs. 6 oz.

~His length today, 32 inches and at birth he was 19 inches

Quite an amazing change over a year, no longer a tiny helpless baby now a big clumsy toddler!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

My college top 10

We all know that kids have been getting back to school over the last couple of weeks. This is not only for grade school there are also kids heading off to college, some for the first time. All of this back to school fever got me thinking about my 10 favorite and not so favorite memories from college:

10. My very first college frat party at University of Wyoming. I was so proud to sign in as a G.D.I. By the way don’t drink the jungle juice at a frat house, stick with the beer, trust me on that one!

9. My roommate my Sophomore year getting pregnant after only having sex with her boyfriend once, and the kicker was it was her first time ever having sex. Let that be a lesson to you all, it really can and does happen on your first time.

8. Watching Fear one night with all the other people who lived on my floor. Right as Marky Mark shoved that dog head through the doggie door somebody pulled the fire alarm. When that fire alarm went off I jumped about 5 feet out of my chair and nearly peed myself.

7. Freezing on my stats final my freshman year. It was an open note final, but I forgot to write down one freaking equation I’d needed. I needed to get at least a B on the final so that I could get a C- in the class. There was no way I was taking that class again if I failed! Luckily I was sitting next to my friend, she saw the look of panic on my face and pointed to the equation on her notes.

6. Being dubbed the “coolest chick ever” after barfing in a garbage can. I had come back from a frat party and my boyfriend at the time wasn’t happy that I went. So after I got back I was sitting in the hallway talking with some of the guys on my floor. One of them farted and I don’t do good with smells after I’ve been drinking, so I barfed in one of their garbage cans.

5. Being put on academic probation after my first semester freshman year and almost losing my scholarship. Lets just say staying out late partying and drinking does not equal a good GPA. I didn’t even think it was mathematically possible to get a GPA of 1.8, but I suck at math so there you go! I wasn’t the only one though, half my floor was right along with me, I’m just glad I wasn’t the one with the lowest GPA.

4. Walking in on my roommate and her boyfriend having sex. I had come back from a day of shopping and noticed a blank sticky note stuck to the door. I remember thinking “What is this doing here?” Ripped it off the door and walked in. Oh yeah, it was “The Sign” (those of you who’ve ever had a roommate know what I’m talking about). I regret that moment to this very day, ouch my eyes!

3. Going to the Wyoming football game against BYU, sorry Jules, but we would have been enemies in college. We weren’t allowed to have alcohol in the student section, but my friends always snuck some in. It was a night game in the winter and the best way to keep warm of course is a nice beverage. I thought I was drinking rum and coke, turns out it was everclear and coke(oh baby). I don’t remember us beating BYU, but apparently we did and am told I wanted to go jump on the field and help rip the goal posts down. At this moment I want to thank my friend “J” who was my babysitter that night and probably stopped me from getting trampled.

2. Transferring from Wyoming to Cal State San Marcos. Best decision I ever made, because it let me be closer to my love, Bryan. I did a lot of partying those first two years of college so I was more than ready to slow it down some!

1. After I had gone to bed one night my roommate decided to call her boyfriend. And lets just say they had a little bit of phone fun while she thought I was sleeping. I was so mortified I didn’t even know what to do. Do I get up and pretend I have to go to the bathroom, do I just stay here? So I put my pillow over my head and prayed for it all to be over soon. And then of course the next morning I told everybody all about it!

*I didn’t say they were all good memories, some of these memories have seriously scarred me for life!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

My baby is walking!

Yeah he's officially walking!

No longer a virgin.

That's right ladies and gentleman, I'm no longer a virgin, a public temper tantrum virgin that is. I'm no stranger to my kids acting up in public, some of you may even of read about a recent Target experience. But last night I was officially inducted into the embarrassment hall of fame.

We went out to dinner last night with family and brought Dylan with us. We left Justin with my mom because it was just easier that way. After dinner we took her into Geppetto's, a toy store, which was close to the restaurant. I should of turned and ran while I still had the chance. All of the toys were easily within her reach and there was a Thomas the Train track set out for kids to play with. All of these things screamed at me "This is a disaster waiting to happen!" Dylan was being so well behaved though, holding her Auntie's hand and asking about the waiter we had at dinner, I thought everything would be fine.

Everything started out that way, until it was time to leave. Dylan had made her way over to the Thomas the Train set and we were all ready to leave. I told her she could go a pick out a couple of little plastic zoo animals and then it was time to leave. Nothing, she didn't even acknowledge me. So I tried again, and again nothing. I then went up to her and told her it was time to leave and she could either come with me and hold my hand or I was going to pick her up and drag her out of the store. Nothing, so I took a deep breath, picked her up and so the nightmare began.

She started kicking and screaming "Get me outta here, let me down!" I walked past Bryan and said "Her shoes are back there somewhere grab them we're leaving." I tried talking to her outside of the store but she wouldn't stop screaming at me, "I want a toy." Then that's when the hitting began. Bryan took over at that point and we started the long march back to the car.

The kicking, screaming and hitting continued with Bryan. We tried sitting her down again, to talk to her and get her to calm down. It was at that moment I noticed a man sitting in his car staring at us. While we were trying to talk to her I could just feel his eyes burning holes through me and just waiting to see how these "horrible parents" were going to handle this situation. There was no reasoning with this child at this point she was too far gone in her tantrum, so we continued on through the parking lot with eyes all over us. I could almost hear the voices "Look at them, look at their kid. Oh my god what are they doing to that poor kid?"

We finally made it back to our car and I thought things at that point would be okay. Oh no, why would they be? We then we had to wrestle her into her car seat. Let me tell you that kid is freakishly strong. If Bryan hadn't been there I don't know what I would of done. I wouldn't have been able to carry her from that store all the way to our car, while she was having a wild tantrum. And I know I wouldn't have been able to get her in her car seat. She finally stopped screaming about 5 minutes from home. I turned back to see if she was asleep, nope we just had one very pissed off child in the back seat.

After it was all over and we were back home, Bryan told me, "You did good, you didn't give into her or give her what she wanted even though she was throwing a fit." Deep down I know he's right and I'm proud of myself for that. I know there are some parents who would have caved and given their kids what they wanted just to save themselves the embarrassment of a public tantrum. Still for some reason I can't shake the "I'm a failure" vibe today.

Monday, August 27, 2007

And why is this so exciting to me?

This weekend I was getting caught up on my movie watching and finally got to watch Children of Men, yeah I'm a little behind. If you have not seen this movie and don't want to know the ending, then stop reading.........now.

I would say my daughter's name, is very unique. I've never met another girl named Dylan. I met one or two people who know a little girl named Dylan and that's about it. I know it's Drew Barrymore's character in "Charlie's Angels" and there was a TV show on a few years ago called "Good Morning Miami" where the main female character's name was Dylan. And that's actually why we picked the name Dylan, because of that TV show. Well that is until today anyways, I'm telling people we came up with her name another way now!

So basically in "Children of Men" humans can no longer have children. Somehow a woman ends up pregnant and Clive Owen's character, Theo, tries to help her out. How's that for a simplistic plot run down? At the end of the movie the woman is talking with Theo and she tells him, "I've decided on a name, I will call her Dylan" (Theo had a little boy named Dylan who'd died years ago). I was so excited I when I heard the name and I really don't have any idea why, it's not like they chose to name her Dylan after my daughter or anything.

Now I haven't read the book, so I don't know if the ending is the same. It's probably not because they always change everything for movies and end up totally screwing up the book. Then I won't be so excited anymore! But still I just found it so exciting to see my daughter's name in a movie. Kind of like it makes up for all the strange looks and comments after she was born; "She's a girl...named Dylan?" Yes she is, she's my beautiful little girl named Dylan!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

If you're chicken and you know it....

I'm very proud to stand up and shout from the rooftops that I'm a huge chicken. I'm scared of everything. The dark, horror movies, ghosts, alien abductions, The Candy Man (oh crap there's once). You name it, I'm scared of it. Does this stop me from watching horror movies, going to haunted houses or reading scary books, nope, I'm a glutton for punishment I guess.

Last night I finished reading The Ruins, by Scott Smith. All over the inside cover of the book are reviews about how scary the book is. This didn't stop me from reading the book however. I actually didn't find the book that scary at least until I went to bed last night. I had dreams all night about this book, I won't say exactly what for those of you who haven't read the book yet. Then around 2 am this morning I was woke up to Justin laughing like a maniac in his crib. Normally this wouldn't scare me, but it did. I thought of going up to his room to get him to stop playing and go back to sleep, but no, it's dark in the middle of the night.

Plus the night before Dylan almost gave me heart failure when I went in their room. I went to help Justin out and when I turned to leave she was sitting up in her crib, with her blanket over her head like a creepy kid ghost. So I decided to stay put in my nice comfy bed next to my knight in shining armor (who was snoring away). Justin kept playing with this little glow worm toy that plays music, but the batteries are almost dead so a twisted sounding twinkle, twinkle was playing out over the baby monitor. After I realized he wasn't going to go back to sleep and he was totally fine, I turned the baby monitor off and went back to my dreams of The Ruins.

So will this keep me from reading scary books or watching horror movies. Oh no, and you may laugh, but one of these days I will find myself in a situation similar to those in horror movies. And just you watch, I'll be the only one out of all of my friends or family who lives. I'll be the smart one who won't go on vacation there, won't go up stairs, won't pick up that hitchhiker and so on. Oh who am I kidding, I don't have any friends!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Another year, another birthday!

Yesterday was my birthday (happy birthday to me) and as the years tick by, I find it's not as scary getting older as I had imagined it when I was a kid. However, I do find that I don't get excited about my birthday 6 months in advance like I used to. But I do love celebrating my birthday with my hubby and our kids. It's so much more fun than having a big birthday bash with friends (although I wouldn't object if hubby put together a surprise bash for me).

I spent the majority of my day in the car driving back from Vegas, which was not the highlight of the day. When I finally go home I was so happy to see my kids again, even though the first thing out of Dylan's mouth when she saw me was "Mommy what did you bring me?!" And of course Justin waiting until 5 minutes before I walked into the door to make me a special dirty diaper surprise for my birthday. We had a nice dinner, Dylan helped me open my presents and then we had cake. My favorite present was that the kids went to bed without putting up a fight for once!

The best part of my birthday is knowing that I share it with: Bill Clinton, John Stamos, Matthew Perry and Mei Sheng (the Panda here at the San Diego Zoo).

Friday, August 17, 2007

The bumper sticker says it all.

While driving to Dylan's dance class this morning I merged onto the freeway on my favorite on-ramp, and nestled myself in between a large truck and granny who was driving about 35 mph. Once I got myself nice and cozy on the freeway I noticed the truck in front of me was carrying HUGE rocks. Not just one gigantic rock, but many gigantic rocks. Rocks so big that if one would have fallen out of his truck and I ran into it, it wouldn't have been pretty.

Immediately I started playing out a scenario in my head, very much like those seen in Final Destination. Of course I'm waiting forever to get around this truck because people on California freeways don't know how to drive. Speed up or slow down people, don't drive the exact same speed as me right next to me or in my freaking blind spot!

So as I impatiently wait for my turn to get around the truck of death, I notice a bumper sticker on the back of said truck. I have never seen a more perfect sticker for any vehicle on the road..."Fear This."

Message received truck of death, thanks for the warning.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Damn you Diego

Either TV has turned my daughter into one smart cookie or the biggest two year old smart ass on the planet.

My daughter is obsessed with Diego, she got over Dora pretty quick thank goodness, but now it's all about Diego and his Rescue Pack. Last week Dylan and Justin went to their Auntie's house so we could go to dinner with some friends. Dylan brought her new Diego movie with her to share with Auntie. When we went to pick the kids up Auntie asked how many times she'd seen this movie. "Never" I said, "We just bought it for her the other day." She told me Dylan spent the whole movie correcting her about what the animals were:

A: "Look at the kitty Dylan"
D: "That not a kitty, it's a jaguar!"
A: "Isn't that a pretty bird Dylan?"
D: "Its a macaw!"

And yesterday at lunch she again corrected somebody, "Look at the picture of that frog Dylan." This was my little girls response, "No, it a red eye tree frog." I almost died from laughing so hard. My friend just looked at me and I said, "Well it is a red eyed tree frog, she's just telling you."

There has to be some good from cartoons, I can guarantee you I didn't know what a red eyed tree frog was when I was 2.5. So thanks Diego for turning my daughter into a smart ass. I can't be too mad at you though, the kid can count to 5 in Spanish already, which I would have never even thought to teach her.

Monday, August 13, 2007

I've finally figured out what I'm worth.

And it amounts to all of about $4, how did I come up with this earth shattering price? While folding laundry today I found money hidden throughout the pile of our clean clothes. The first dollar bill I found was curled up at the bottom of the dryer. "SCORE!" I thought to myself as I did a little happy dance with Dylan around the living room.

I found two more dollar bills and was trying to figure out where the money came from. I never have cash on me, so I figured it was from hubby's pockets. My pay day had finally arrived! Then as I uncovered the fourth dollar bill my idea of it being my payday came crashing down. Suddenly it all came rushing back, last night going to get dinner, my mom handing me four crisp dollar bills.

No payday for me, guess I'm back to being worth zero! Although I should keep her money. Kind of a payback for when she washed my clothes growing up and I'd leave money in my pocket. "Sorry Jennifer, you left the money in your pocket. It's now in my dryer, just think of it as you paying me for doing your laundry." Grrrr, mom wins again!

The Calm After the Birthday Party

I made it through birthday weekend and it wasn't as traumatic as I thought it was going to be. I didn't cry that Justin was now 1 and no longer my baby.

We had a little family celebration on his actual bday. We had brownies and opened presents. Justin didn't care about the presents, but Dylan sure enjoyed opening them and playing with them. Poor kid doesn't even get to play with his own presents. Dylan plays with all the new toys, but he's happy because he finally gets to play with all the old toys he's been trying to get his hands on for months.

Saturday was the big party with all the family and few friends. We don't have many friends (we're big losers) so it was mostly family! For once I'm glad to report the Italian family behaved themselves. Nana & Papa didn't scare the kids (or me for that matter) with kisses. That's only because we avoided them like the plague. It wasn't hard to avoid them we just hid outside and Nana won't go outside because she thinks it's too cold, even though it was 80 that day (the "coldness" she always feels will have to be an entry for another day).

Everybody had a great time, as I knew they would, because I planned an awesome party! Tears for Justin and myself for kept to a minimum and I will never forget the look on his face when we sang happy birthday to him. He was dancing, laughing and clapping his hands together like a lunatic! It was a great and memorable 1st birthday for my little man.

I again want to say thanks to everyone for Justin's birthday wishes!

Friday, August 10, 2007

What a difference a year makes

Exactly one year ago today I was staring into the face of the newest addition to my family. Justin Michael made his stage debut at 1:19pm on August 10, 2006 at 7lbs 6 oz. and 20 inches:

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I can't believe he's already a year old. I miss those baby days so much and now I have another toddler, yikes! While I miss snuggling up to my newborn who didn't back talk or do much of anything for that matter, I love hearing him crawling up behind me saying "mama, mama!" I melt when I see his face light up when I get him out of his crib in the morning. And most of all I love watching him chase after his sister, so badly wanting to walk and run how she does. I love you Justin, my precious mama's boy and Happy Birthday!

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Thursday, August 9, 2007

4 Years Ago Today...

This is what I was doing four years ago today:

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Three years ago today we were celebrating our first anniversary in Laguna and were expecting our first child in September:

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Two years ago today, you know I actually can't remember what we were doing. We were getting ready to move to Utah, so we'd probably just gone out to dinner. So exciting I know!

One year ago today we were enjoying a delicious dinner at our neighborhood Applebees. Again so romantic, I know, but I was going to be induced the next morning to deliver our second child:

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Okay so that photo is from the month before, and I know I look mad in the photo, but I'm really not. I'm 8 months pregnant, living in Utah and it's about 1,000 degrees, I was dragged along on a hiking trip and I was hungry.

And finally this is where I'll be today celebrating my 4th wedding anniversary:

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Well I won't really bet there today, it'll actually be next weekend. And it won't be at this particular hotel, probably somewhere much cheaper and not as classy!

Oh and here's a little secret for you all! This photo is not from my acutal wedding. We actually took photos for a wedding brochure about 3 months after our wedding. So some photos I have in my wedding album are not from my actual wedding...Shhh!

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Tuesday, August 7, 2007

"Where the turf meets the surf..."

"...down at old Del Mar." That's right all of you horse racing fans. Mommy went to bet on the ponies last Saturday. I didn't realize that the thing I would miss most about California while in Utah, would be racing season at Del Mar.

I'm not a big fan of gambling (at least that's what I try to tell the voices in my head), and I have myself convinced that I'm not going to bet on the races, "I'm just going to watch."

That logic lasts for all of about one race. I watch everybody else yelling and screaming as the horses near the finish line and get goose bumps when they all go racing past. Most people of course end up throwing their tickets into a crumpled ball of fury at the end of a race, then I decide I want in on that action. Suddenly I'm grabbing the race book and picking horses and putting them in a trifecta box, or a superfecta box.
I didn't do so hot though, I think I need to pick a better method than going off the horses name. Turns out the horse imagamblerbaby is a big fat loser. And also I think I drank more in the signature Del Margaritas than I actually lost betting on the horses. So in that case I'm marking the day down as a winner!

Monday, August 6, 2007

This kid rocks!

It's official, my daughter officially rocks. We were in the car driving back from the store on Saturday. Bryan and I were talking when suddenly Dylan pipes up from the back seat: "Mommy I love this song!" I just figure it's the Maroon 5 song that's on the radio every 10 minutes or the "Hey there Delilah" song that she likes to sing.

But to my surprise it's neither of those songs. It's the Beastie Boys' song (You Gotta) Fight for your Right (to Party). "When has she ever heard this song before?" Bryan asked me as Dylan is rockin' out in the back seat.

By the time the song is over you hear a steady stream of "Paaarrrrrrty," coming from her. No Kidz Bop for this family thank you, we'll stick to the hip happening tunes!

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Justin aka The Incredible Hulk

Either my son is angry and is turning into The Incredible Hulk, or he got a hold of a green marker. Thankfully he found a green marker his sister left out without the lid on it and decided it would make a great pacifier.
If he was turning into The Incredible Hulk, I'd have to run from my house screaming and crying because I'm deathly afraid of The Hulk. I remember when I was little my brother would watch The Incredible Hulk TV show and I would cower behind the couch in fear. Sorry, little bit of a tangent there.
I think today wasn't a particularly good "mommy day" because this morning I caught him playing (actually splashing) in the toilet. If only he knew what goes on in there, I think he'd find somewhere else to play! Now if he would have discovered the fun of splashing in the toilet AFTER he turned himself green I wouldn't of had to clean up any mess!

Monday, July 30, 2007

I think my kids hate me.

Really I do, I know you're thinking to yourself, "But look at how adorable those two are, they must be the most well behaved kids on the planet!" Oh you are so wrong. They are good for anybody else whose name isn't mom, mommy, ma or mama.

Justin screams, cries or a combination of both most days. While Dylan pushes Justin, hits him, yells at me, doesn't listen, screams, cries and hits Justin some more. I have about 20 minutes a day when they are well behaved for me and that's usually while they are eating. Then the minute anybody else gets home they are standing at the door with perfect posture, hands behind their backs, faces clean, big smiles on their faces with their halos on nice and tight.

I fight my way through the week knowing that reinforcements will be arriving for the weekend. I'll no longer be locked in the solitary of my house and I'll finally get out into the world of the living. Well Friday I got out of the house only for Dylan's dance class. Which really didn't count because I was still locked inside a building with screaming kids who weren't listening. Then Bryan went golfing and alas I was alone again.
Saturday we were set to go to Sam's Club, not exciting I know, but I was getting out of the house! Or so I thought, Justin was throwing a fit in the car so Bryan actually turned the car around and said he wasn't going to the store with him. So guess who gets stuck at home again ME! Bryan will get moments of behavior like that from the kids, but whenever he watches them he always tells me they were, "So good."
And whenever anybody else watches the kids for me they are perfect. Actually whenver I'm not around at all they are perfect. Either the kids hate me, or there's a giant conspiracy going on between the kids and everyone else in my life trying to make me a complete nut job by the time I'm 30!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

It's offical, we've got a climber!

Somehow I've made it through my entire parenting career; 2 years, 10 months, 1 week & 4 days without having experienced a climber. Today at 11 months Justin accomplished what his sister has never thought to do.

I was picking up the breakfast dishes when I heard squealing and clapping. When I turn to look I expect to see him going after his favorite target, the TV. But no I see him on top of his sister's Princess table as happy as can be. So what do I do, I grab the camera of course! You'll have to excuse the almost chopped off head and blurriness, somebody was trying to find the quickest way off the table!

It's not so bad!

Normally I'm not an advocate for doing any kind of physical activity that will get my heart pumping to fast. A few weeks ago my thoughts on this changed. I was chasing Dylan around the house and got winded after about oh a minute or two, I'm not a Dr. or anything, but I have a feeling that's not good! To be honest I've gotten a little lazy over the last few year, I know shocking!

Well last week we started taking the kids and dogs for a walk/run in the park across the street. It's actually been kinda fun, don't tell anybody I said that, because I'll deny it to the bitter end. It's mostly a walk, but I've noticed I've been feeling better the last week. I'm not as tired during the day, but I still hate mornings. I don't think I'll ever be a morning person.

The best thing about this whole workout thing is I get to go buy some new running shoes and some really cute workout clothes. Any excuse to shop!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Complete and total failure

I've done everything I could to avoid this day. The day my daughter becomes obsessed with "Dora the Explorer." Leave her home with Daddy for one afternoon and he just blows my entire plan to crap.
I have nothing personal against Dora, Boots, her backpack or her map with the totally unoriginal song. I just find the show a little annoying (okay a lot annoying) and I guess I get a little irritated that whenever I'm looking for a backpack for my daughter the only ones they seem to sell have Dora's face plastered all over them.
Yes I know the show is "educational," but it doesn't mean that I have to like it one bit. Oh well, I'm sure this isn't the first show she'll watch that I'll cringe every time it's on. I'll just have to live with her running around the house telling the dog and her little brother: "Swiper no swiping!"
And wouldn't you know who just happened to walk by the computer and see this picture of Dora now all I can hear is "Mommy I want to watch Dora! Dora mommy, Dora!"

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Future Road Rager of America

So here's what went on in the car on a recent shopping trip with my mom.

Mom: "Why are these people driving so slow?"
Me: "I don't know, it's so frustrating, maybe they're afraid they're going to damage their shiny new 1980 piece of sh*t."
Dylan: "Come on lady drive! Green means go!"

That entire day whenever we were in the car my little back seat road rager would yell at the other cars one of the following: "Come on learn drive! Go lady or go man! Faster people!"

Now I just have to teach her to flip people off from the back seat and we'll be all set! Nothing like having a 2 year old road rager. Well she does live in California, I'm just teaching her defensive driving at an early age!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Well this is new!

Just when you think you've got the little terrors figured out they go and throw a monkey wrench into your smooth running operation. Justin wasn't a particularly good sleeper until very recently. He used to wake up multiple times a night, would only sleep until about 6 am and he'd take about three 30 minutes naps a day. Actually for me those didn't even qualify as a nap, they were more like a tease of the quietness I thought I'd never have again.

Well after much manipulation and plan tweaking I finally have a happy sleeper, or so I thought. Three nights ago Justin started something I've never seen before from the likes of him; a full fledged temper tantrum when I tried to put him to bed. Now this kid can throw a fit to rival the worst of the worst terrible two year old, but he's always happily gone to bed. So that night I let him cry it out, I know I'm an awful mother, but he eventually stopped (it only lasted about 15 minutes tops).

I just figured he was having an off night, so the next night when he again started freaking out I wondered what was going on. I picked him up, sang him a mean rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," and tried to plop him back into his crib. I say tried, because, suddenly the kid developed super human strength. He wrapped his legs around my waist and held onto my arms like I was about to drop him into a pit full of snakes. When I pried one of his hands loose he decided the best way to stay out of the crib was to take a firm hold onto mommy's pony tail! OUCH, I think I have a bald spot now on the side of my head! Again I let him cry himself to sleep and again I know I'm a horrible mother.

Tonight, what do you freaking know, another tantrum at bedtime. I figured maybe he didn't like last nights song so I decided on a little diddy called "A, B, C, D, Dinosaur" but he didn't like that either. Hmmm, maybe it's my singing voice? After an extra set of hugs and kisses, and telling him how much I love him, I managed to get him into bed without losing anymore hair. He did cry again, but it lasted only a few minutes this time.

Maybe the kid was challenging me to some sort of bedtime battle, who knows! Well if he was I clearly won, so sorry Justin! Final score: Mommy 3 Justin 0!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

When it rains it pours...this edition: pee & puke

Okay really it's not as gross as the title sounds, well unless you're me, then it's pretty freaking disgusting.

This morning about 3 am I hear: "Mommy, o Mommy" over the baby monitor. I stumble upstairs into Dylan & Justin's room and I'm almost knocked over by a very disgusting smell. I just figure Justin pooped, so I decide I'll change him after I get Dylan taken care of.

I pick Dylan up out of her bed only to discover that she's soaking wet. Could it be sweat? My nose does a little investigating and discovers it's not sweat but pee. She's not nighttime potty trained yet so she still wears a pull-up. Now I'm not a pull-up expert, but I was under the impression that a night time pull-up meant it worked DURING THE NIGHT! Can somebody please explain to me how a kid can be covered in pee and yet the pull-up is completely dry?

So I quietly change her jammies trying not to awaken the beast in other bed. Once she's changed I take her down stairs to my bed and then go back up to deal with the poop extravaganza. I bring a flashlight with me to sneak a peak into his diaper, hey I didn't want to wake the kid up by turning on the light. To my surprise there's not a single pebble of poop in his diaper. I'm stumped, what could that disgusting smell possibly be?

At that exact moment Justin lifts his head, looks at me and smiles. I reach down onto his blanket to grab his pacifier for him, only to discover that it wasn't his pacifier, but a pile of VOMIT! I'm not talking about cute little baby spit up, I'm talking chunks here people! I soon discover there are little landmines of puke throughout his crib. So I began the thankless mommy task of cleaning up his puke while trying to not talk or play with him. I know I can't take him out of his crib to change the sheets, because if I do that will be the point of no return, and he'll never go back to sleep. So after I cleaned him up I laid his comforter down on top of the dirty sheet and then laid him down to go back to sleep.

Oh I can hear you judging me. How could she not change his sheet? Why didn't she bring him into her bed? I'll tell you why! First, I couldn't change his sheets because he would have been wide awake wanting to play. So are any of you willing to come over and play with him at 3 am while I sleep? Didn't think so. Second, Dylan was already in our bed. The last time all four of us slept in our bed it went a little something like this. I was hanging onto the edge of the bed for dear life by my toes and finger nails, and Bryan was smashed up against the wall like a squished bug on a windshield! All the while my precious babies snoozed away in the middle of the bed.

This morning I really got to survey the damage. You think puke is disgusting at 3 am, it doesn't get any prettier by the time morning rolls around!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Has anybody seen my dignity?

I'm pretty sure I left it at checkout lane #2 in Target. So if anybody happens by there and sees my dignity lying there trampled over, would you please pick it up and mail it to me. Oh to hell with it, you can just keep it.

Tonight I went to go to Target because there are a few things I needed to pick up for Justin's Birthday invitations. Plus I'll take any excuse to go to Target. Bryan's working late so I brought my mom with me, you know, safety in numbers. With two of us watching the kids we can play man-to-man defense rather than zone (I have to say thank you to Uncle F for the most brilliant sports/parenting analogy I've ever heard in my entire life). Yeah so much for that idea.

We should have turned around 2 seconds after we pulled out of the driveway because that's when the first of Justin's many tantrums began. I figured he wanted out of the car and he'd be fine once we were at Target...nope and nope. He was having such a fit in the store I took him out of the cart and held him, but he still kept crying. No not crying, screaming! I don't know what his problem was. It could have been a number of things: teething, tired, terrible twos (even though he's not even 1 yet) or he's just a crybaby mama's boy.

Now it wouldn't be so bad if he was the only one acting up, but Dylan was a NIGHTMARE! She's usually so well behaved, I don't know what happened to her. She was running around the store almost getting knocked out by shopping carts. She was running through all the aisles touching everything and telling me "Wait a minute I looking at this." I was trying to find something and she decided it was the perfect time to start playing red light green light. When we didn't stop for the red light she started screaming at us in the middle of the aisle!

The coup de grace of the night was standing in line to checkout. I asked my mom to take Justin to the car since he was still crying. I was trying to pay for my 3 measly items and Dylan decided that was the perfect time to practice her shopping cart driving abilities! Well she needs to work on that a little because she nearly ran over the lady standing behind me in line! Yes ladies and gentleman tonight I was "that mom" with "those kids."

I must be a glutton for punishment though because after Target I still went over to Michaels to get the things I couldn't find at Target!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Goodbye flawless baby skin...

...hello toddler legs full of: bumps, bruises, scrapes and scars! Yesterday I noticed Justin's first bruise on his shin. He's been getting braver with trying to walk but he's falling down a lot! He has a new bruise or scratch on his head every day, this is the first time I've noticed anything on his little legs. I'm going to miss looking at his perfect little legs, but I'm excited for all the fun things he's going to be doing that go along with those bumps, bruises, scrapes and scars!

Nerd Alert!

It's no secret to those who know and love me that I'm probably the biggest nerd you'll ever meet. I love reading especially Shakespeare, my favorite class in college was geology. I thought about changing my major to geology, but while I love science courses, in general I'm a horrible student. I'm proud to admit I miss watching Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman on Saturday Nights with my mom. And I also love to dance. You may be asking yourself "well what's so nerdy about that?" Well lets just say last weekend while attending a family members wedding I was busting out with the greatest dance moves of the 80s. What can I say, I enjoy my 80s dance moves.

Okay, onto the reason for this post. Saturday night hubby and I were supposed to go out for dinner ALONE (I couldn't believe it, 2 hours all to ourselves)! Well plans changed about 20 minutes before we left and we ended up going out with a group of friends for S's birthday. After dinner they all wanted to go out to a bar. Now I'm not much of a bar fan, never have been. I hate trying to shout my conversation to the person who's sitting right in front of my face. And as I said, my dance moves are in serious need of updating, so I don't do clubs either. Bryan is about as big of a fan as the bars as I am, but since it was S's birthday we decided to go with them to have one drink.

So we walk the few blocks to the bar and there's already a line outside. We're standing there for 10 minutes not moving, I look at my watch and think to myself: Wow it's getting late, it's 9:30 (nerd). I turn to Bryan and ask him if he thinks we should go get our car and move over closer to the bar. We had to park in valet, because there wasn't anywhere to park by the restaurant and we were told we needed to pick up our keys by 10:00. We tell our friends we're going to get our car and we'll be back. I figure as slow as the line is moving to get into this "Too Cool Bar" we'll be back before they even get in.

So we get back to get our keys and "Broseph" is totally grateful so he can go home and do whatever it is "Broseph" surfer boys do *wink *wink. We drive back to the bar and start cheering and patting ourselves on the back when we get a totally awesome parking spot (nerds). When walking back up to the bar we saw the line had doubled in length and the last of our group had just gone inside. I swear Bryan and I were pouting in line, we couldn't believe our luck at having to stand in this line, while everybody else was "stoked" to be waiting to get into the "Too Cool Bar".

After intense negotiations with the cool kids on the inside, us nerds decided we were going to go home. We drove home trying to make ourselves feel better saying, "We'd probably still be standing in line and that they're probably not having any fun." My nerdy husband and I were nice and tucked into bed by 10:45 on a Saturday night. I love being a nerd!

Friday, July 13, 2007

Mommy Moment

Today I had one of those moments that validates everything for me, a mommy moment. For me a mommy moment is when something happens and the thought hits me like a ton of bricks; "I'm a mommy and these are my kids!" Over the nearly three years I've been a mom I've had my share of these moments. When I held them in my arms for the first time, when the first look into your eyes and the first time the say "mommy".

This morning when Dylan was getting ready for her first dance class I had another mommy moment.

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I just looked at her in her pink tights and leotard and thought; that's my baby girl. When I was pregnant with her I always imagined this day, her first day of dance, and now it's here! Gotta love those mommy moments!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

How rude!

To all my fellow 80's TV loving friends please say the title as Stephanie from "Full House" used to.

Okay so yesterday we went to Temecula to say goodbye to hubby's family after all the wedding hoopla. Of course there's a million bazillion of them there so I'm ready for the kids to start freaking out.

I swear I need an extra set of legs and arms at family gatherings because the kids are always hanging off me....they don't want anything to do with daddy (probably because it's his family so they think secretly he's one of them).

Dylan was throwing a fit because she wanted me to hold her, but I couldn't because Justin is practicing his walking skills. Also there is a pool in his Aunt's backyard so the ratio in that situation jumps to 1 on 1! And of course Justin was being his usual mamma's boy self, crying whenever I wasn't holding him or whenever I walked past him.

Towards the end of the night I was in the house letting him crawl around (I had to forgo swimming because he didn't want any part of being corralled in his playpen) while Dylan & hubby were living the good life swimming in the pool. It was way past his bedtime and he was really getting sick of these people, and I can't say I blame him. He tried to pull himself up on my legs, missed and smacked his head on my knee. Not really a big deal, but he was tired so his reaction let everyone know this was a code red injury, which then led to a Justin sized temper tantrum.
Some distant relative of Bryan's (who I've only met twice in my life) says, "Jeez what's wrong with those kids?" Oh I don't know lady, maybe the fact you guys are up in his face (as you all have been for the last week), and you Italians are a scary bunch, always with you kissing and hugging! Leave my kids alone already, they don't want to talk to you, if they did they would come up to you and say "hi" or something. When I first started dating hubby his family freaked me out. Everybody was hugging and kissing me the first time I met them. We've been together for 8 years now & I still get creeped out whenever I have to kiss Nana. So I know how my kids feel, I'm sure in 8 years or so they'll be okay with all of this.

I couldn't believe she said that, I thought that was so rude! I would have said some smart remark to her, but I'm pretty sure her husband has ties to the mafia, so I just let it slide. Come on my kids are still babies, give them a break!

Monday, July 9, 2007

Renegade Flower Girl

Actually she wasn't. Dylan was the most perfect, most beautiful flower girl I've ever seen. We were all so nervous before hand but she did great! She was supposed to walk down with the ring bearer, but we decided she'd walk with her Auntie Manda instead. I knew it was the wrong order, but I knew that walking with Auntie would be the only way she'd get down that aisle. The family members were under strict instructions to not talk with her until after the ceremony was over (if you read my previous post you'll know why). I left Auntie with a little bribery tool (sweedish fish) and went and took my seat.
Finally it was time to start, I listen for screaming...none. Then I see my baby girl walking with her Auntie (eating sweedish fish) and I started crying:

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There was a moment of hesitation when she got to the end of the seats, but with Auntie holding her hand she went. She saw us sitting right on the end and sat with us for the ceremony. In all it was very uneventful (thank goodness)! I'm so proud of her, I can only imagine how frightening that was for a 2 year old.

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The true bratty Dylan made an appearance during the reception so a call was made to grandma and she came and saved the day.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

What a joke!

Last night was the Rehearsal Dinner for a family members wedding in which Dylan will be the flower girl. Lets just say everything went fantastic! Yeah right, it was such a freaking nightmare.
Dylan fell asleep in the car on the ride over, so she wasn't too thrilled when she woke up. Of course we get to the ceremony site and everybody starts crowding in her face and she starts freaking out. And you would think they would go away when she starts screaming and crying...oh no! Some people must think when she starts crying it really means, "please come stick your big ugly grape right in my face some more and keep on talking." No you jackasses, it's a two year olds way of saying, "Leave me the f**k alone!"

So she didn't make it down the aisle during practice, there was lots of screaming and tears (even more than I'd tried to prepare myself for). She almost made it one time until she rounded the corner and saw all of the people who'd just got done pissing her off standing there staring at her. After all the excitement wore off we took her back outside later to practice more and she actually did it, even holding the ring bearers hand. We have a couple plans of attack lined up, one including me walking/dragging her down the aisle (which I'm not even in the wedding so I could see the excitement on the brides face when we suggested that one).

So I was nervous before about tonight, now I'm going insane. I think tonight I'll be drinking some liquid courage for both of us before hand.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Little ears

You'd think after being a parent for almost 3 years now I'd know that little ears are always listening. Yeah, I still haven't learned a thing. My mom and I were driving yesterday with the little ones in the back seat of course, when the following conversation took place:

Mom: "That's a big dog!"
Me: "And he's taking an even bigger dump!"
Dylan: "Where's the dump? I want to see dump!"

My mom and I both just started cracking up! Oh well she's repeated much worse than that!

Plan Q

Getting Justin on a normal sleep pattern has been a freaking nightmare. He slept like an angel for the first 3 weeks of his life and then after that it's all been downhill from there.

At first he'd wake up multiple times for feedings and when we finally got that straightened out, he'd wake up for only one feeding but then he'd stay up for an hour or two. Eventually that one worked itself out, but then he started waking up earlier and earlier every day.

At first I hoped it would work itself out, of course it didn't so I needed to get creative. We tried keeping him up past his self imposed bedtime of 6:30 or 7pm, yeah that worked great. We kept him up until 9 and he'd still get up between 6 & 7am. Naptime has always been a joke he'll take up to 3 naps a day, and they only last for about 45 minutes each! I tried cutting out his morning nap so he'd take only one long nap in the afternoon. After two days of screaming for his morning nap I finally caved and gave him his morning nap. So I thought maybe I'd keep him up longer so his afternoon nap would run later in the day so he'd be able to stay awake later than 7pm. Again that didn't work either. His nap was about an hour now, but he'd still wake up at the ass crack of dawn. Finally, I decided screw it, I'll just let him sleep whenever he wants. I'm just going to have to get used to waking up before the sun everyday for the rest of my life.

That's when Plan Q popped into my brilliant mind. I thought maybe he wasn't sleeping long in the morning was because it was too bright in his room with the sun starting to come up. And I also thought that could be the reason he would take 2-3 naps that only lasted about 45 min each, it was just too damn bright in his room with the sun. There are mini blinds in the room but those are about as effective as keeping out sunlight as they would be for stopping bullets. So I got very creative found a bunch of blankets and hung them up in front of the windows.

Hoping that these would actually work I put him down for his afternoon nap and he slept for almost 3 hours. And again yesterday his nap lasted 3 hours! Since he took such great naps he's been a much happier baby and he's been able to stay up until 8pm. The best news of all though (are you ready, I hope you're sitting down), yesterday morning he slept until 8, which is unheard of in this house. And right now it is 8:45 and he's still sleeping! Which that's so incridble I think I'm going to go out and buy a lottery ticket and really press my luck!

I hope Plan Q actually works because I'm quickly running out of letters in the alphabet, next I'm going to have to move to the Greek alphabet.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Recipe for disaster

Here's a little warning for all you parents out there. If you find your little one in the mist of a mild constipation battle it's not a good idea to feed him a very fiberlicious diet for two days and put him in his jumperoo. I don't know if it was the gravitational pull of the jumperoo + the fiberlicious diet, but whatever the equation it equalled poop being shot up his back and one very happy baby!

Monday, July 2, 2007

I didn't think I looked that bad!

Last night after we took the kids to the park for some energy draining fun before bed, we stopped at the gas station to get gas in the car. In my house you can't get gas without getting a scratch-off lotto ticket. That day we had a $6 winner to redeem, so in I went to get more scratchers.
I was leaning over debating what scratchers I wanted to try my luck at this time, when over my shoulder I hear:
"You're seriously making me think about buying a lotto ticket now."
I turn around and kinda chuckle because it's one of the dumbest pickup lines I've ever heard in my life. The guy is okay looking, but a total Broseph (hubby & my little pet name for SoCal surfer boys). As a compeltly exhausted (feeling and looking) Mom the fact that somebody takes time out of their day to hit on me I think I should alert the media.
Anyways when I turn around and look at him he says "Well maybe not." And he diverts his eyes really quick.
I take my scratchers and sulk out of the store. I get back in the car and tell hubby; "I just got hit on by a total Broseph, and I'm pretty sure he took it back after he looked at me."
He laughed and told me "You look hot, like always." At that moment I was instantly transported back in time to when I was 13 years old. Braces, frizzy hair, twig thin in my high water jeans standing, in my best friends yard as the object of my affection laughs in my face and tells me I'm too dorky looking to be his girlfriend. Who knew at 27 I could still feel like my former dorky self all over again.
I didn't think I looked that bad, I was wearing my usual tank top & jeans with my hair in a ponytail. Well I didn't have any makeup on so that could have been what frightened him. Maybe it's time I re-think my fashion choices. On the other hand screw it...I challenge you Broseph to get up at 6:00 am with a screaming 10 month old and a 2 year old with a serious attitude problem, chase them around the house, and let us see how gorgeous you look at the end of the day.

Friday, June 29, 2007


So yesterday afternoon I think I aged 10 years in the span of 7 seconds. I was making lunch for all of us and the kids were playing happily in their playroom, or so I thought. I heard Dylan laughing and talking to herself and assumed she was talking to Justin. Still I went to check it out.

I go out the the playroom to find only Dylan, Justin isn't anywhere around; "Where's Justin?"
"He's over there, tlimbing."

Climbing, I thought to myself and turned around to see my 10 month old little stunt man half way up the stairs. "Oh sh*t Justin!" I yelled, as he turned to me and started waving and laughing like a lunatic!

It is with this event that I respectfully decline my nomination for the Mother of the Year Award.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Newest craze in double strollers

I always used to wonder why manufactures put certain labels on products. Do they just think this planet is crawling with morons or what? For example; "never let a child play with plastic bags", "caution the beverage you're about to consume could be very hot" and the inspiration for my tale: strollers with the "basket" underneath for storage the label says "Never place a child inside the basket."

The first time I saw that, I thought well no s**t! I may not have any kids yet, but even I could figure that one out!

I will no longer question why manufacturers put labels on things. The other day I actually saw a woman pushing a stroller with one kid in the seat and a four year old stuffed into the basket. And let me just say that kid looked PISSED! He was sitting in it, just like it was another seat, his legs all wadded up in the basket. Maybe she's onto something though *rolls eyes*, she was probably looking at me pushing my double stroller and thinking "Sucker."

Monday, June 25, 2007


...get this dog an instruction manual. I'm pretty sure that's not the correct way to use that thing!

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Thursday, June 21, 2007


Dearest neighbor-

Just so you know the painted red curbs in our neighborhood don't mean, "Go ahead and park your truck in front of me whenever you feel like it." It means "NO PARKING UNLESS YOU'RE A FIRETRUCK AND THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS ON FIRE!"

Our streets are very narrow (as you may have noticed seeing as how you live here also) because our house were built on condo lots. There's not enough room for every Tom, Dick and Harry who live here to park their cars on the street (hence the red curbs jackass). Since you live directly across from me, when you decide to park your car in front of your house, it makes it IMPOSSIBLE for me to get out of my garage!

So darling neighbor, please stop parking in the street. Or next time I'm trying to back out of my garage, instead of taking 3 times to: back up-straighten-back up-straighten-drive off, I'm just going to back right into your piece of s**t truck.

Thanks and have a nice day!

My little Soap Opera queen

What do you think is the first sign you watch too many Soap Operas? How about when your 2 year old can sing the theme to Passions?

Yeah I said it, I watch that wacky show Passions. So what if it's the lowest rated Soap Opera, I just love all the crazy crap that happens on that show.

My husband was home from lunch one day and I had the TV on Passions. I don't always get to sit down and watch it, but if it's on and I'm busy I'll have it on just for background noise. So when they start playing the theme song, Dylan starts belting out every other word at the top of her lungs.

"Well I guess I know what mommy does all day long."

Sorry ladies I guess the secret is out. I blew our cover about having to take care of the kids, do house work and all the other crap SHAM's are doing. Now all our husbands are going to know we sit around and watch Soaps all day!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I never thought it would still hurt so much

Two years ago today official marks the worst day of my life, the day my mother in law lost her battle with cancer.

Ann was more than a mother in law to me, she was actually like a second mother. We were so close, closer than I'd ever thought I'd be with my MIL. I even worked for her for three years!

When I was 4 months pregnant with Dylan we found out that she had colon cancer. In the beginning we didn't know how bad it was, so our hopes were still high. The day after her diagnosis we found out it was at least stage 2 (which meant it had spread outside her colon, but not to her lymph nodes yet). The next day however we got news that would shatter out lives forever.

The cancer had spread to her liver, which meant stage 4. She went in for surgery right away to remove what tumors they could and to get an idea of exactly how bad it was. The spots on her liver were smaller than they had originally thought, but they were to deep to remove. They told us though they could shrink the spots with chemo.

I just remember thinking, this can't be happening. I'm pregnant with my first child, Ann's first grand baby. She's only 48 years old, she can't have cancer! The treatments helped and didn't help. It seemed like every time she'd have a scan that said the tumors were shrinking or there wasn't any growth, the next scan would show growth.

The day Dylan was born such a bitter sweet day. I remember looking at Ann holding Dylan and thinking, there's no way she's going to die. Dylan needs her, we all need her. Our family wouldn't be the same without her.

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That same morning; September 14, 2004, she had a doctors appointment to discuss her progress. She called Bryan after the appointment and told him horrible news. If the tumors didn't start shrinking more she'd be dead within 6 months to 1 year. I went from being elated at the birth of my daughter, to heart broken and then to angry. I was so angry with her for telling us this on the day our daughter was born. I thought that Bryan would not see this day as a happy one anymore.

So the days, weeks and months went by. As the treatments became more and more aggressive her hair began to fall out, she lost tons of weight and she just didn't have the energy she once did. In the beginning of June 2005 we'd got the news we never thought we'd actually hear.

After a visit with her oncologist, Ann was told she only had 2 weeks to a month left. We were all so devastated. Everyone left work; Bryan, his 2 brothers, his sister and me. We all converged at the house that had always been so full of laughter and love. We couldn't believe what was happening. Right after the final diagnosis family started flying out from all over so they could say their goodbyes. Ann seemed to get better after a few days she was even eating again! It didn't last long however.

Bryan's step dad called on Sunday the 19th (which was actually Father's Day that year) and said we should come over and say goodbye. I remember thinking, how am I supposed to say goodbye? My husband went upstairs first and when he came back down I could see the tears. This was bad, if Bryan's crying, it's bad.

I went upstairs and laid on the bed next to her. She never opened her eyes but she knew I was there. I didn't know how even begin to say goodbye, all I could think about was all the people she was leaving behind. Finally I said my goodbyes and kissed her on the head. That would be the last time I would see her alive.

Early in the morning on June 20, 2005 Ann passed away. Bryan went over to the house, but I stayed behind with Dylan. I just snuggled up with her in bed crying, thinking about how unfair life/God can be. As I started drifting off to sleep something incredible happened. I was laying on my side and I felt pressure on my eyebrow and it moved a little. It's hard to explain, but I know that it was Ann coming to kiss me goodbye.

I've never been a very religious person, but I am spiritual. I believe in God and Jesus and I hope that there is something more for us when we die. But having Ann come and say goodbye to me gave me such a sense of peace that, to this day I still can't explain.

I thought after two years it wouldn't hurt as much, but it does. Does the hurt ever go away? I see Dylan & Justin and think of all that she's missing out on. She's not just missing out on her grand kids, she has three other children besides Bryan. She'll never see them get married, have kids of there own and all the other milestones of their life.

I love you and miss you so much Ann, we all do.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

A dream come true!

I don't know what I did to deserve this, but whatever it was THANK YOU!

Both Dylan & Justin are sound asleep right now. I can't remember the last time they both took a nap at the same time! I can't remember the last time Dylan even took a nap!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!


I hate spiders, they are the most disgusting of all disgusting things in this world!

Yesterday, after I got out of the shower I walked into my room, got dressed and then went to put my towel back in the bathroom. When suddenly I found myself in the middle of a wild west show down, spider style. The thing was the size of a quarter (including the legs) and it was sitting there right in the middle of my doorway! I know there's no way I just happened to step right over the thing. I'll bet that creepy little bastard ambushed me. He waited until I walked past and crept out from behind the door and planted his spider ass right smack in the way. So I grabbed a shoe, my husbands shoe of course, (come on I'm not going to use my shoes to squash a spider) and beat that thing to death.

Score: Jenni 1, Spiders 0!
The game wasn't over yet however. Later in the afternoon I was cleaning up the dishes from lunch. I was setting the dishes aside that needed to be washed by hand and as I went to grab a bottle my hand nearly touched another big creepy spider. I think it was squashed spiders cousin and he was here to take revenge on me! So I grabbed a spatula and whacked his ass and washed him down the drain. For good measure I turned the garbage disposal on, just to make sure!

Final score: Jenni 2, Spiders: 0

Monday, June 18, 2007

Bad Wife!

Okay it's official, I'm the worst wife in the world. I totally forgot that yesterday was Father's Day!

Maybe it was the 5 hours of sleep I got for the whole weekend, or the hangover, depression over the amount of money we lost to the casinos or perhaps it was a combination of all the above. Whatever the cause, Bryan and I were getting ready to leave the hotel yesterday and when we got off the elevator he said to me: "So I guess I'll just go ahead and wish myself a Happy Father's Day then."

I almost died! I couldn't believe I had forgotten it was Father's Day. I'm sure I would have eventually remembered (I think). He was laughing and said the only reason he remembered was because he'd heard another person tell somebody Happy Father's Day. All day he kept teasing me about it, but I just felt so bad!

I still feel awful, because if the situation was reversed, and he'd forgotten Mother's Day I'd be on here venting about how big of an a** he was for forgetting Mother's Day. Now forever I'm going to be known as the a** who forgot it was Father's Day!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Father's Day

It's a tough job to be a dad in the SoCalHouse! Happy Father's Day to my hubby! I couldn't do it without you! I love you!

"Talented" Driver

Until yesterday I'd only heard of this phenomenon, I'd never actually seen this with my own eyes. I saw a man who was so good at driving he'd decided to add an element of excitement and danger to his drive, he was shaving!

Now I've seen people doing many "talented" things while driving: putting on makeup, reading, changing their clothes and so much more. Shaving and driving however, that's something new. Now it was an electric razor, so the danger to his face wasn't there, just the danger to those of us on the road. If this "talented" driver really wants to impress me go ahead and bust out your ever day razor and lets see what your face looks like at the end of your trip. If you can make it to your destination with your face and fellow commuters all in tact, then my dear sir you have real driving "talent".

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Vegas here we come...again!

Going to Vegas again this weekend, we were just there a little over a month ago, yet here we go again. We are going for a dual bachelor/bachelorette party. I can't wait, in all my exciting 27 (nearly 28) years I've never been to Vegas for a bachelorette party. Although I don't know if I'm up for a whole weekend of partying, I'm getting to old to drink and stay out all night like I used to in college. I mean come on my bed time is like 10pm

After this week of non-stop screaming because of Justin's teething, (which he still doesn't have any freaking teeth ARGH) I can really use this weekend. The kids will be in grandma's very capable hands and hopefully they are good for her otherwise this may be the last weekend we get away for a very long time.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

It wasn't so bad!

So yesterday was a day that I've been dreading for a very long time...Dylan's first trip to the dentist. I'd put it off as long as possible because I could just imagine all the screaming, yelling, crying, running, hiding and shouting that was going to take place.

Finally the big day arrived. Daddy praticed dentist with her yesterday morning before he left for work. All day we talked about how she was going to go to the dentist and the man was going to look at her teeth, and if she was good they'd give her a new toothbrush. The whole time I just kept thinking, "There's no way in hell she's going to let some strange man look at her teeth."

We get to the office and my pulse is racing and I'm just a bundle of nerves. Dylan however is oblivious of my nervousness and is enjoying playing in the toddler loft. Finally she's called to the back and the tech says, "Come sit in the chair so I can take some pictures of your teeth."

"No," Dylan yells as she starts backing out the door. And so the nightmare begins I tell myself.
"Do you want to sit in mommy's lap?"
"NO," Dylan yells louder this time.
"I'll give you a special prize." Says the tech.

Presto those were the magic words. Dylan jumped into my lap and let her take x-rays of her teeth. I'm shocked because those pieces of paper (or whatever they are) hurt my mouth. I could see the pain on her face as she clenched her mouth closed, but she was my tough girl.

She even let them clean her teeth and poke and prod in her mouth. The dentist told me she was so shocked. "You're daughter is only one of about 5% of 2 year olds that we get to do anything with when they come here. We're lucky if we even get to get a quick look in their mouths at this age."

So instead of being totally embarrassed, my heart was swelling with pride at how brave and well behaved she was. Hell I'd be good for the dentist and maybe even look forward to going if I always got prizes, stickers and a new toothbrush when I went.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Teething Sucks!

Okay teething gods, what did Justin ever do to you? Here is my 10 month old little boy who has ZERO teeth and the last few days has been so miserable, because of what I can only assume is teething. There are many times in the past few months I thought he was finally getting teeth, but after days of crying (mostly from me) not one single little tooth would appear.

Today he was up at 5:45am miserable and screaming. I didn't even realize that anytime before 6am existed on my clock! My mind is so foggy there's nothing I can do to clear it up. I have the darkest cirlces under my eyes it looks like I went 10 rounds in the ring vs. Mike Tyson. My eyes are so dry and gritty it feels like the entire San Diego shore line has taken up residence inside my eyelids. There isn't enough coffee on the planet to get me through today!

Enough about my pain and suffering, back to Justin's. The last few days have been torture for my little man. He doesn't want to play, doesn't want to eat, he really doesn't want to do anything except hang onto my leg.

All I have to say is he better finally get some teeth out of this, or hear me teething gods, you will feel my wrath. Trust me you don't want to mess with me when I haven't had enough sleep or coffee!

Monday, June 11, 2007

You would think it's funny...

But in reality it's not. There's something about hearing your two year old say, "Daddy you're an a** hole" that suddenly makes you realize maybe it's time to invest in that swear jar after all.

Don't Blink

Seriously where has the time gone? A month ago I swear I was 9 months pregnant with Justin complaining about how miserable I was:

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Two weeks ago I swear I was holding him in my arms for the first time:

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A few days ago I swear he just started sleeping through the night, okay well that actually did just start happening a few days ago.

When I was pregnant I used to get a slew of unsolicited advice from well meaning friends and strangers. I can't tell you how many people used to tell me, "Enjoy it, they grow up way to fast." I remember smiling politely while in my head rolling my eyes and thinking, "Sure time just flies." I put that high on the worthless advice list, right up there with my favorite piece of advice from my FIL, "When they fall down don't react. They only cry because you react when they fall down." Oh really so my kid smacking their head on the coffee table warrants a, "Shake it off kid." Or how about when they fall and cut their knee open we just take them out back and rub some dirt in it. Sorry for the mini tangent there.

Last week I was having a serious case of baby fever and I've now attributed that to the fact my babies are growing up. Justin turned 10 months yesterday. Long gone are his helpless, laying there like a big blob, baby days. Within the span of three days last week Justin pulled himself up, took a couple of steps while cruising along the couch and took two steps from the couch to the coffee table. It hit me like a ton of dirty diapers, my baby is no longer a baby.

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Soon he's going to be chasing his sister around the house driving her insane. This moment is bittersweet for me. For years I've dreamed of watching my kids run around the house playing together wreaking havoc wherever they go. With this dream now on the brink of being reached, I've realized that it means a farewell to babies in my household.

If any members of my family read this post you better get started on making some nieces and nephews for me, like YESTERDAY!