Sunday, March 27, 2011

A Low Point

Tonight I feel as if I've sunk to a new low. I feel I have always been very real and honest to people about how I feel about motherhood.

While I love my kids more than anything there are days, today being one of them, that I wonder what I got myself into. I can't stand people who act like being a parent and having kids is the most wonderful precious thing ever. What pisses me off even more is when they act as if parenthood is all rainbows, unicorns and rays of beautiful sunshine everyday. I'm here to tell you all it's not! Parenting at times is completely hellish!

Does that make me evil, ehh I really don't give a flying fuck right now. We have been having serious issues with Justin lately. He has so much anger and rage lately it's really starting to scare me.

It started a few weeks ago with him just screaming, yelling and stopping his feet when he'd get mad. Then it progressed to tantrums, bad ones. Now it's progressed to him actually acting on his anger. Last week he put a hole in one of our closet doors with a play hockey stick. He said it happened because one of Dylan's friends (who was at the house at the time) was being mean to him and kept annoying him. So he got mad and wanted to hit something.

He's also been talking to me in this tone that I'm just not okay with. Demanding things of me and then screaming and yelling at me if I don't do it. He's even started doing it with Dylan too.

Now I know you're sitting there thinking to yourself how bad can this be coming from a 4 year old. Well let me tell you, it's bad. I'm seeing an extremely controlling alpha male in the making here if we can't help him get this under control.

All weekend it was him screaming and yelling at Dylan and me. Now I don't want you to think I just sate idly by while he went exorcist on me. Oh no, mommy don't play that!

What's worrying me is that whatever punishment we doled out to him, didn't phase him in the least. So tonight as I put him to bed, in the midst of yet another tantrum, I had to go scared straight on him. I pulled the military school card on him.

I told him if he couldn't get himself and his anger under control then I was going to send him away to school. I can hear the groans going up across the bloggersphere as I type this.

I went through all the horrors of military school for a kid. No mommy, no daddy, no tv and you know the list goes on and on. Call me a bad mom for playing on my child's fear of abandonment, at this point I don't give a shit. I'm a mom at the end of my rope and I'm afraid if I can't help him now I'm only going to fail him.

1 comment:

Jess said...

I know we talked about Justin's new found anger briefly yesterday, so I know how worried you are. Have you guys considered taking him to counseling? It might help. I'm sorry you are going through this...I wished I lived nearer, so I could give you a hug.