The Pledge

I've caught Justin playing with my Raider Santa over the last few days. He presses the button so Santa sings and then he recites The Pledge. I'm going to start calling it, "The Pledge to the Raider Nation."

A HUGE Milestone.

Not for the kids, but for me. I have many, totally irrational fears that cripple me at times. Flying, spiders, snakes, The Candy Man and tornadoes. My biggest fear of all is the dreaded porta potty.

To make a very long, expensive therapy session short...lets just say I would rather wet myself and then walk through a crowded football stadium, than use a porta potty.

After about five seconds in the car tonight Dylan informed us that she had to go potty. This was infuriating to me because I asked her multiple times before we left school if she had to go. She insisted that she did not.

When we arrived at the gas station we found that their restroom was "Out of Order." So we marched outside while she protested, "But mommy I really need to go potty." That's when out of the corner of my eye I see it calling my name. The dreaded portable toilet of death.

I walk back to the car and ask Bryan if he can take her to the porta potty. He refuses and tells me to just go, "You can do it." I shudder as I turn to walk to the blue monstrosity the next parking lot over. As Dylan and I are walking I brace myself for the urine/vomit/shit smell that is awaiting me. When we are just feet away from the toilet a rather large man slams the door shut to the porta potty.

"This is not going to be good," I'm thinking to myself. When finally we arrive at my Nemesis, I open the door and Dylan asks what it is. I fight trying to tell her how horrific and disgusting these things are and say, "It's a toilet." I helped her onto the toilet all the while keeping half my body outside the porta potty.

Yes that's right! I made my 4 year old daughter pee in a porta potty, in the middle of a parking lot, with the door wide open. All because I was scared to close the door and go inside. Either way I'm declaring today a victory for me!

Although, you still couldn't pay me to pee in one of those things.

One of Those Days.

No scratch that. It's been one of those WEEKS! I think I lost my children somewhere on the commute home on Monday and picked up their evil tantrum throwing doppelgangers instead.

The whole week has been a whirlwind of tantrums, hitting, screaming, crying and it's only WEDNESDAY! Last night we put Justin to bed at 5:30 because he was throwing the hugest tantrum. He didn't want to take a bath, so he hit me and threw/splashed water all over the bathroom. Then when it was time to get out of the bath he threw himself onto the ground and started kicking me.

Tonight it was Dylan's turn to throw a hissy fit and get put to bed at 6:30. She cried the whole way home pretty much and then when we got home she was a little witch to her brother. She wouldn't leave him alone and attacked him when he tried to stand up to her for being a bully.

I'm totally lost with this. I don't know what to do with them. It seems like the smallest thing will set either one of them into a tailspin. Then I get angry, start yelling and just end up completely frustrated. The majority of the time they are the sweetest kids, but their brat factor completely trumps all of their cuteness.

I guess it's a good thing we restocked the wine rack over the weekend...I'm really going to need it by the time this week is over.

Smart Kids.

I Think He's Got It!

Thanks to this man, I can now call my son officially potty trained!



Justin has been in underwear all week at school! I'm happy to report that he has only had one accident this week, today during nap. I'm beyond thrilled...goodbye diaper buying, I'm so done with you! Well except for at night, I don't think he's quite ready for that yet.

The Incredible (Potty Training) Hulk

Potty training has to be my least favorite thing in the world to do. It's so frustrating and honestly I don't have the patience to run to the bathroom every 10 minutes to avoid accidents.

I was hoping it would be easier for Justin, the kid has been pooping in the toilet since his second birthday. He already had the hard part down, getting him to pee was going to be a breeze, or so I thought. I started by buying some Mickey Mouse underwear for Justin. He was very excited about wearing Mickey and to my surprise he could stay dry for up to two hours. However he wouldn't tell me he had to pee. He would just come up to me and tell me, "Mommy I wet on ground." Then I was off to find the wet spot on the carpet. It's worse than house breaking a puppy.

Lately Justin has had a HUGE obsession with The Hulk. When I was trying to get him to pee I'd ask him if he wanted to make The Hulk happy? I bribed him with some Hulk underwear, but he still wouldn't really go in the toilet. The kid was scared for some reason. He'd tell me he would have to go, but I'd have to fight him to get him to sit on the toilet.

I was ready to throw in the toilet paper when I decided to go ahead a buy The Hulk underwear as a last resort. I'm happy to say that he has been in his new Hulk underwear all weekend (except for nap and bedtime) and he's only had one accident.

He's told me every time he's had to pee and I haven't had to fight him at all. When he's done he tells his Hulk underwear he went pee and asks, "Hulk happy?"

I could kiss The Hulk! Well perhaps if I didn't have a deep down, still lurking, childhood fear of The Hulk.

The true test will be tomorrow at school. Justin will be wearing his Hulk underwear to school, keep your fingers crossed The Hulk stays dry.

The Ghost of High School Past.

Why is it that no matter how old you get, how much more "mature" you become, there are just some events from high school that you can't shake from your subconscious?

When I was 16 I had this boyfriend who was a complete ass. The Cliff's Notes version of the story is: He wanted sex, that's all he talked about from the second we started going out. I wasn't going to give it to him. I broke up with him after only a few weeks. He spread dumb high school rumors about me. Then he called me a bitch in front of my mom and little brother.

Yesterday Bryan and I took the kids to a small pond by our house. When we were leaving I saw this guy looking at me. I walked by him and then when Bryan got closer he stopped him. I figured it was somebody who Bryan knew from work so I grabbed Justin and started back towards Bryan. I stopped dead in my tracks when I realized who Bryan was talking to. I grabbed Justin and walked the other way. So mature I know.

The five minutes Bryan spent talking with him I debated going over there, being the "bigger person" and just saying hi. My feet were cemented to their spot, I wasn't moving any closer. Finally Bryan came back over and I asked him if it was who I thought it was, "Yep it is."

"I know there's a reason you hate that guy but I can't remember why." So I told him the whole story (for probably the twentieth time). "Oh yeah that's right I remember now. So since I'm your husband I should defend your honor and slap him in the face huh?" Calm down Karate Kid, there's no need to defend my honor here.

I told him how I debated going over there to just say hi, but I couldn't. "It was a long time ago Jenni. You have a much better life then him, you should just forget it." I know I thought I had. Honestly I never though I'd see him again, but running into him yesterday brought up all those old high school memories and hurt feelings.

I did have my chance to be the bigger person though. As we were leaving "J" was walking towards us. I said my fake "Hi, yeah it's good to see you too," bit and walked off with my family. I admit it does feel good to know that I have a damn good life and that he is still every bit the loser he was in high school. Thanks Karma ;)

Have I Totally Lost My Mind?

This week for some reason I've had a very pesky bug up my butt. Not literally of course. For some reason I've been thinking about having another baby. I know totally insane right?!

Before having kids I always wanted to have 3 kids. However living in Southern California I realize this is not a reality. Unless I want to be living on the streets or back at my mother's house (which to be honest I would probably rather live on the streets).

I brought it up over dinner on Tuesday night to Bryan. I knew he would totally shoot me down, tell me that we couldn't afford another kid, blah blah blah! While he was talking all I could he was my uterus shouting over him "Impregnate me now!"

I really don't know what has gotten into me (I mean my uterus) lately. I totally hated everything about pregnancy. I was a miserable cow through both of my pregnancies. I hate not getting a full eight hours of sleep, so a newborn obviously would get in the way of that. Plus we are on the verge of having Justin out of diapers. That means no more diapers ever AGAIN!

Somebody just needs to come over here and slap me silly...any volunteers?

They make it so hard to be angry.

Justin has been screaming at me for everything lately. Anytime he wants to talk to me about anything he screams it at me instead of talking to me like a normal person.

Today he was screaming at me to turn the music up, it wasn't loud enough for him. I'd finally had enough so I just turned the music off instead. He cried for a few minutes but I told him no more music because of his screaming.

A minute later Dylan started crying that she wanted music. "But mommy I want to listen to songs!" That's when Justin suddenly says:

"Too bad een (the way Justin pronounces Dylan), no more music. Too bad."

It was too much for all of us. We all started laughing hysterically. And like that everything was over.

A day in the life of a commute.

Driving 40 minutes one way everyday can wear on your nerves after awhile. My kids always find a way to keep it interesting that's for sure.

This morning the kids were in an especially good mood and wanted to listen to the "mama mia song." Translation: Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. I was cracking up on the way to work this morning even though I think 6 am is a little early for head banging. I told Bryan these kids must be musical geniuses if they already appreciate Queen.

The drive home this afternoon was a different story. All hell broke loose in the back seat. Somebody took the others blanket or favorite toy? Perhaps somebody was looking at the other person or said a mean word? The answer is none of the above. What set off WWIII in the back seat of our car was a fart.

That's right, you read it correctly. A stinky smelly fart is what caused a near riot between my children. Dylan farted loud enough to embarrass a truck driver. She thought it was hilarious and had to announce to all of us that it was she who had farted.

Justin had to add his two cents to the conversation and said: "I fart too mommy!" And that good people is how it began. Dylan and Justin started screaming back and forth at the top of their lungs "NO I FARTED," for the next mile.

My life is a hilarious nightmare at times.

Odds & Ends

It's been a little while since I blogged, so I thought I'd catch you all up on some things that have been going on.

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I survived my plane ride to Missouri and FINALLY got to meet my wonderful friend Jess. Bryan asked if I was nervous to spend 4 days with someone I didn't know. I wasn't nervous even for a second. Even though I'd never met Jess I feel like we've been friends for years. The first time we talked on the phone we talked non-stop for over an hour. There are very few people in this world who actually get me, Jess gets me.

I had a blast with her. Her boys are absolutely adorable and her husband is not an axe murder (big relief for Bryan of course). We went to the Zoo at Forest Park and I still can't believe that the zoo was FREE! She treated me to my very first pedicure. Yes, I know, 29 years old and never had a pedicure, what a travesty! We walked around Main Street in St. Charles and had lunch in the cutest little outdoor cafe. The majority of the time we talked and talked, drank some wine and talked some more. Hopefully I didn't talk her ear off too bad. I have a tendency to never know when to stop talking. I had such a great time it was the perfect vacation from my life...thanks a million Jess ;)

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Justin has turned into a cyclone. The other day while I was getting the kids dinner ready we heard a scream from the bathroom, followed by some banging on the door. A quick head count we noticed we were missing Justin. Bryan went and opened the door and I hear, "Water day Daddy!" Justin had shoved the entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet and then flushed it. There was water everywhere. It was not a pretty sight.

He followed that trick up later in the night by coloring all over the couch and ottoman with a pink and purple crayon. Love it!

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Dylan has turned into a high school freshmen over night. That girl has a serious attitude problem lately. Her new favorite thing is to tell everybody that they are ugly whenever she's mad at them. I'm so sick of her attitude and back talk that I'm tempted to lock her in her room until she's 30. Well maybe not 30...25 might do the trick.

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I'm so glad that Summer is finally over. Although somebody needs to send Mother Nature a calendar and inform her that Summer is over. 97 degrees does not equal Autumn weather.

In celebration of it now being Autumn, I put up my Halloween decorations yesterday. I LOVE HALLOWEEN. Next to Christmas it is my favorite holiday. I'm the first one in my neighborhood to have my decorations up....yes I win! Take that suckers!

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As I'm sitting here typing this I'm also watching the Green Bay Tampa Bay game and have found a new man to drool over. Aaron Rodgers is hot! There's something about sweaty hot quarterbacks that gets my old heart ticking! Don't worry Christian Bale, you'll always be first in my heart.

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RIP...almost

We've had a near death experience in our household this evening. Princess, the male (try telling Dylan he's a boy and not a girl fish, there's a fight you just can't win) betta who resides in my daughter's PINK bedroom, is not doing so well.

I went downstairs tonight to put some laundry away and noticed Princess laying on the bottom of his bowl. I tapped on the glass...nothing. I shook the bowl a couple of times...nothing. I just knew the damn fished had died on me. I called Bryan down so we could get our stories straight. I was suddenly in a panic, how do I tell my 4 year old that her beloved fish is dead.

Bryan told me just to flush it and she wouldn't even notice it was gone. I knew she would though, the second she went to feed him tonight. So Bryan in all his infinite wisdom marched upstairs and told Dylan:

"Sorry Dylan, your fish Princess is dead."
"But why daddy?"
"It just happens, actually it happens a lot with fish. They just die."
"BUT I LOVE HIM!"

Insert hysterical tears (Dylan's) and my heart break here. I pick up his bowl to flush him and the little bastard nearly jumps out of the bowl. He sinks back down to the bottom and starts doing that fish out of water breathing.

I went upstairs to tell Dylan the sort of good news. Her fish wasn't dead...yet. Yep, it's only a matter of days before Princess meets the white porcelain god. Somebody please help me.

I've Created a Monster

Evidently the wine incident from yesterday was only the beginning for Justin. Today after we got home from school Dylan and Justin were fighting (as usual) with each other. So they were having a joint timeout session. While Justin was sitting he kept saying, "Stuck mommy, stuck."

I realized he had something in his pocket and he was trying to get it out. I went over to see what he had, figuring he'd smuggled a toy home from school. To my surprise I pulled out an empty mini apple schnapps liquor bottle. I don't even want to know where he got it from or how long he'd been smuggling it in his pocket.

Seriously, what am I going to do with this kid!?

Wine Connoisseur

That's not grape juice staining my two year olds shirt and face my friends. Nope that is wine.

Let me back track a little for you. Bryan and I were playing hide and seek with the kids tonight. It was our turn to hide so we were hiding in our closet. The kids were running around trying to find us and they couldn't. Then from the kitchen we hear Dylan:

"Justin you have wine! You spilled the wine!"

Bryan and I look at each other and then go bolting out of the closet. There we see our little boy with a wine stained shirt and wine stained lips. I asked Justin if that was good juice, "Yeah Mommy!"

I'm still amazed that he managed to climb onto the chair, climb onto the table, take a drink and not break my favorite wine glass.

Goodbye my num-num...

Goodbye my friend. Or at least Justin's friend. After two wonderful years together, as of yesterday, we have bid adieu to Justin's num-num (pacifier). I don't know what took me so long to get rid of the stupid thing. I think I needed it more than he did/does. I was always so proud of myself for getting my kids off the bottle, cold turkey, the second they turned 1. But the pacifiers have always been my Achilles heel of parenting.

Dylan was 2 1/2 when the pacifier fairy came and took her pacifiers away. That was the end of that for her, she never asked for it again. I knew Justin would be a different story, and I always had an excuse for not taking the thing away. First we moved and then took on a 45 minute commute everyday. Rather than listening to him scream in the car I would plug him up with his num-num. Rather than listening to him scream for 20-30 minutes at bedtime I would just let him have the num-num. And to keep him from waking up in the middle of the night, or early in the morning I let him have his num-num.

See, I needed the num-num more than him. So what suddenly made me change my mind? There is a new little girl in my pre-k class who still uses her pacifier. 4 years old! Asking me for her bi-bi at nap time! I always thought that I would be able to break Justin of his num-num when I was ready. But seeing this 4 year old cry and throw a fit over her bi-bi made me think that it was time for both of us to say goodbye.

So yesterday morning we threw Justin's num-num's in the trash. He watched me throw them all away, and I told him they were going bye-bye in the garbage truck (his favorite things in the world are garbage trucks). That was that. He cried for about 20 minutes at nap time and about 15 at night. Not so bad, and right now he's sleeping without it again. Keep your fingers crossed that it continues to go this smoothly.

Dear Sir-

To the Target patron in the toy aisle today I would just like to apologize for what you witnessed this fine morning.

Yes once again I was on my weekend trip to Target. The kids have actually behaved themselves lately so I haven't had any shameful trips...until today that is.

Justin was in a lovely mood today. Trying to knock things off shelves, pulling his sister's hair, kicking off his shoes. You name it, he was doing all of it. He wasn't getting a reaction out of me, so that really pissed him off. He started trying to hit and pinch me, but I was too quick for his moves. So he tried a new tactic, which I haven't seen in his arsenal until now. He pulled my shirt down and flashed my boobs in their full glory, to a man who happened to be venturing up the Barbie aisle at that very moment.

Victory is yours Justin, you have left me utterly defeated. I wave my white flag of surrender.

"Don't Worry, It'll Get Better."

All day I have wondered what made a complete stranger utter these words to me while on shopping with my family in tow.

Bryan and I split up once we hit the store so we could be done before any mayhem broke out. I was lucky enough to be stuck, I mean paired, with Justin. While we were strolling down aisle number 3 of our shopping adventure Justin decided he'd had enough of acting like a normal child. Justin has discovered his super hero power of elastic super stretch arms. Lately when we go to the store (or anywhere for that matter), he reaches out and just grabs whatever he feels like and tries to knock or pull it off the shelf, rack, whatever it's on. So now I have to walk perfectly down the middle of aisles so he doesn't knock everything down.

"Cookie mommy, cracker mommy, snack mommy."
"No Justin, we have all of this at home. Please stop touching." As I'm swatting his arm away to keep him from knocking an entire jar of salsa onto the floor, I hear:

"Don't worry, it'll get better." I glance to my left and there is a very nice woman looking at me with a smile that says: "Oh have I been there."

I told her, "I sure hope so, I'm seriously debating keeping him locked in the house until he's 18." She laughed and gave me one more sympathetic smile and that was that.

Afterward I wondered what brought on these words from this complete stranger. What she'd witnessed Justin doing isn't nearly as bad as the majority of crap he's been doing lately. Perhaps my face said it all. Have I finally turned into a broken mom and all my frustrations were right there on my face for all to see? Whatever prompted it, I just hope she's right!

Poor Kid.

Reason number 1,034 that Justin is going to need therapy when he gets older.

Photo Challenge: What I Like Best About Summer

So Homey wants to know what I like best about summer. For me it's dirty kids after a fun day at the beach.

Cleaning the sand after that fun day at the beach, isn't so enjoyable for me however.

Mean Girls...Already?

Daily I am shocked at how mean little girls are to each other. Daily I have to listen to my 4 and 5 year old (girl) students tell each other: "I don't like you, you're not my friend anymore." Then the next second they'll turn around and be BFF's again. Shocking, at 4 they already have this "mean girl" act down.

I love having a girl, I really do. She's the little girl I always dreamed of having. However, since the day she was born I've been dreading the mean girls she'd come across during her lifetime. I figured she'd have at least until she was 7 or 8 before she encountered this for the first time...nope it happened at the ripe old age of 3 1/2.

There is this girl in her class who is the epitome of mean. She yells daily that nobody is her friend and that everyone is a baby...so on and so forth.

The other morning I was helping Dylan get dressed for school in her usual dress. For the last few months she's refused to wear anything BUT a dress. Help me if it was a rainy day trying to get her into pants, thankfully it doesn't rain too often here.

I never really understood where this obsession with wearing dresses suddenly came from, until the other day:

Dylan: "Every body's going to like my dress huh mommy?"
Me: "Yes, you look so beautiful in your dress."
D: "Nobody is going to tell me I'm a boy right mommy?"
M: "What? Where is this coming from? Who told you that you were a boy?"
D: "B told me that I'm a boy. She's not going to call me a boy now, right?"

I was so mad. I can't believe that at 3 years old a little child can be so cruel. I was so upset for Dylan, how heartbroken she must of been that somebody she called a "friend" could say such a hurtful thing to her. I know she's going to hear people say things that are a lot worse about her in the future. Still I can't shake how I'm feeling about this little girl. Hopefully we'll both grow thicker skin by the time she's a teenager.

Another year...another fair.

Last Wednesday night we took our annual trip to the Del Mar Fair. Yes I know it is the San Diego County Fair now, but I refuse to call it that. It'll always be the Del Mar Fair to me.



The kids instantly fell in love with all the noise and rides. But we had some eating business to get down to before the ride and game fun began. After we were all nice and sick to our stomachs we walked over to see the animals. Fun times for mostly Dylan. The rest of use were totally nauseated, but what are you going to do.



Then we went over to the kiddie carnival area, where the games and rides are all geared towards kids. Dylan rode her first ever roller coaster while Justin watched from the side lines screaming "MOMMMMMMYYYYYYYY" the entire time.


Next it was Justin's turn for a ride, so I paired up with my mom and we took the kids on a train ride. Or how I will refer to it from here on out, "The Train Ride of Death."



It really was pretty funny to listen to him cry and scream for "DADDDDDYYYYYYY," the entire time.



The final kid ride of the evening went to Dylan and the carousel. The kid really has her princess wave down doesn't she?



I'd have to say the night was a success for all. Even though Bryan and I didn't win any prizes ourselves it's still great to take our kids to the place where our relationship began.

How could I forget?

Three years ago this past Friday was the day my mother in law passed away. I let the entire day pass and I didn't even realize what day it was.

That night we had Bryan's cousin and her husband over for dinner and some Friday night drinking. Bryan was telling us about a conversation he'd had with his Aunt that day, and this is how he told us the conversation went:

R: "Hi Bryan, it's Aunt 'R', how are you doing today?"
B: "Ummm, okay I guess."
R: "Yeah, today is a really hard day for all of us."

It was at that point it dawned on him what day "today" was. Then we all talked for a few minutes about how long it had been (3 years now) and how much it sucked and that was the end of it.

However it wasn't the end for me. I've been mentally beating myself up about it all weekend. Yes, Bryan forgot too, but he has a shit memory. I have a mind like a steal trap, I never forget anything. So how could I forget this? The "anniversary" of the worst day of my life (so far) and I forgot. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think about her. I think of all the things she's missing with her grandchildren. I work in the same school now that I used to work with her. I walk in every day and wish how it was her at the front desk greeting me instead of the director who works there now.


Last year I wrote about how much it still hurt to not have her around, and this year I didn't even shed a tear for her on the anniversary of her death. Does this make me a cold hearted person? Does this mean I'm officially "over" her death? Or am I just so self absorbed with my own stupid problems that I let this day slip my mind?

Whatever the case may be, Ann I love you and miss you so much. There isn't a day that passes that I don't wish you were here with us. I hear people complaining daily about how they can't stand their in laws, and I wish so much that I could complain about you bugging me. How I wish you could of met Justin. He is EXACTLY like Bryan, from his adorable face all the way down to his temper. And you wouldn't believe what a beautiful little girl Dylan has turned into. Ann, please know how much I miss and love you...I always will.