Okay really it's not as gross as the title sounds, well unless you're me, then it's pretty freaking disgusting.
This morning about 3 am I hear: "Mommy, o Mommy" over the baby monitor. I stumble upstairs into Dylan & Justin's room and I'm almost knocked over by a very disgusting smell. I just figure Justin pooped, so I decide I'll change him after I get Dylan taken care of.
I pick Dylan up out of her bed only to discover that she's soaking wet. Could it be sweat? My nose does a little investigating and discovers it's not sweat but pee. She's not nighttime potty trained yet so she still wears a pull-up. Now I'm not a pull-up expert, but I was under the impression that a night time pull-up meant it worked DURING THE NIGHT! Can somebody please explain to me how a kid can be covered in pee and yet the pull-up is completely dry?
So I quietly change her jammies trying not to awaken the beast in other bed. Once she's changed I take her down stairs to my bed and then go back up to deal with the poop extravaganza. I bring a flashlight with me to sneak a peak into his diaper, hey I didn't want to wake the kid up by turning on the light. To my surprise there's not a single pebble of poop in his diaper. I'm stumped, what could that disgusting smell possibly be?
At that exact moment Justin lifts his head, looks at me and smiles. I reach down onto his blanket to grab his pacifier for him, only to discover that it wasn't his pacifier, but a pile of VOMIT! I'm not talking about cute little baby spit up, I'm talking chunks here people! I soon discover there are little landmines of puke throughout his crib. So I began the thankless mommy task of cleaning up his puke while trying to not talk or play with him. I know I can't take him out of his crib to change the sheets, because if I do that will be the point of no return, and he'll never go back to sleep. So after I cleaned him up I laid his comforter down on top of the dirty sheet and then laid him down to go back to sleep.
Oh I can hear you judging me. How could she not change his sheet? Why didn't she bring him into her bed? I'll tell you why! First, I couldn't change his sheets because he would have been wide awake wanting to play. So are any of you willing to come over and play with him at 3 am while I sleep? Didn't think so. Second, Dylan was already in our bed. The last time all four of us slept in our bed it went a little something like this. I was hanging onto the edge of the bed for dear life by my toes and finger nails, and Bryan was smashed up against the wall like a squished bug on a windshield! All the while my precious babies snoozed away in the middle of the bed.
This morning I really got to survey the damage. You think puke is disgusting at 3 am, it doesn't get any prettier by the time morning rolls around!